You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison
by Muttly13
Summary: Frank finds himself falling in love with Gerard more and more each day, but doesn't notice until he's too far into this love. How does Gerard feel about Frank? Story takes place in 1996, Frank is 16 and Gerard is 19, Mikey is 15. Reviews would be lovely.
1. Meeting

"Frank?"A mean and shrill voice interrupted my thoughts. I guess I'd been staring off into space for longer than I intended to, but I guess school does that kind of thing to you.

"Yes?" I tried to act like I was actually listening with an intelligent-sounding response.

"Can you answer the question that I just asked the class?" Mrs. Simmons is the worst teacher I've ever had. When other students don't pay attention, she lets them off easy. But god forbid, if I don't listen to her go off on tangents about history, I get the ax. She just hates me.

"I wasn't listening," I stated firmly. I didn't care if she caught me zoning out.

"Next time, I suggest you listen. That D+ average in my class won't go up by itself, Frank," she said, completely and purposely butchering my name in disgust.

_Fuck you, bitch, you aren't my mother. _I just nodded, and she continued to ramble.

I heard Mikey chuckle next to me, so I just said "Shut up, bitch."

He looked away and smiled widely. It didn't take long for him to forget I was there and listen to Mrs. Simmons' lesson intently.

Mikey Way is my very best friend. Actually, my only friend. Considering that we've only been friends for two months, that's pretty damn good. All the other people at this school think I'm some sort of martian, mostly because I dress "weird" and listen to "strange and angry" music. The best part about Mikey is that he's under the exact same category, just with "nerd" added in there somewhere, but I'm pretty sure that's only because he wears glasses. Other than that, I think he's pretty normal. His hair is brown, and halfway down his neck, not covering his face like mine does. He's got a pretty good personality, I guess... and listens to fuckin awesome music, and plays the bass guitar. Which is pretty awesome, because I play bass and guitar. So we have something to do when we're bored, something we can help each other with while having fun.

I nearly jumped out of my seat when the bell took me by surprise. I gathered my stuff up in my bag quickly- I just wanted to play some fuckin bass, and fast.

Mikey and I got all our stuff in our lockers and such, I got my bass from the safe room in the auditorium, and started on our walk. Mikey's house was much easier to get to from the school, so that's where we were going. His place was maybe ten minutes away, and mine was twenty... It's a good thing his parents like me.

"Sometimes I wish I didn't play bass, cause this thing gets heavy after

two minutes of carrying it," I complained.

"The hard case doesn't make it any easier, does it?" he laughed.

I laughed too. "It's fun though, that's damn good enough for me."

"Yep. Didn't you say once that your dad or grandfather got you into playing? And guitar?"

Damn, this kid's good! "My dad is urging me to play drums, and my grandfather taught me how to play guitar, so bass guitar kinda came naturally. The funny thing is," I smiled, "they both play guitar sort of professionally, yet my dad still insists on drums."

Mikey laughed. "Maybe your dad wants variety in his family or something."

"Ya know, probably! He's always saying that he wishes he played drums in his band instead of guitar."

"Well, there ya go!" Mikey always knows how to make me laugh.

I guess I always know how to make him laugh too, because right a

fter he said that, I tripped over my own feet and landed face-first. Mikey burst into uncontrollable laughter. I rolled onto my back and lie there for a minute, trying to regain my state of mind. A group of jocks walked passed us and laughed at me, shouting rude shit like "how's the view down there, freak?" and the most popular: "_Fag!_" I just flipped them off with both my middle fingers as they walked by.

Mikey had stopped laughing and apologized for laughing in the first place. "Don't apologize, you didn't do anything wrong," I insisted.

"Okay then," he muttered. "Need a hand?" He put his hand out for mine, and I did feel kinda sore... so I took it and let him help me up.

I gained my balance back and brushed myself off. "Thanks." I picked up my bass and we kept walking.

"No problem. So what were we saying before you fell ever-so-gracefully?"

"Shut up!" I laughed. "Family, I think."

"Oh yeah! You might get to meet my brother today, I think he's home."

"Oh?"

"Yeahh. I told him about you at dinner one night, how you're my only friend and we have so much in common and stuff, and he said you sound like the perfect man for me."

That made me laugh really hard. "I take it you told him I swing both ways?"

"I figured it didn't matter cause he does too," he said.

"Gotcha," I said. Mikey's brother is sort of a mystery to me. All I know about him is that he's still living at home, four years older than Mikey- who's a year younger than me, unemployed, smokes a lot, and likes the same music as I do.

"Do you even remember his name?" Mikey asked.

It hadn't occurred to me that I didn't know my best friend's brother's name. "Uh... Jared...?" No, doesn't sound right. Mikey shook his head. "Uhh... Jacob...?"

Mikey scoffed with a smile. "It's Gerard."

It completely clicked when he said it. "That's it! I was close the first time..."

"Yeah, you were," Mikey said with a smile."

The rest of the walk to his house we talked about music. Bands, records, songs, musicians, everything. It was pointless, but interesting to say the least. The rest of the walk was also accompanied by me having a smoke. School sucked today, so my stress level was through the roof for some reason, so I needed a Marlboro to calm me down a little. I'm pretty glad that Mikey's used to smoking in his home, because if he wasn't I would be so screwed.

After what seems like ten seconds, we arrived at Mikey's. At this point, I've been here enough times that I know

it like I know my own home.

So, easily, the first thing I noticed was a silver Subaru XT in the driveway that I've never noticed before. Must be Gerard's car, since he's home today. Mikey walked into the house and I followed with caution, because I didn't want to trip over the threshold like I normally would... not with this big fuckin bag and bass. I put my stuff down next to the door like I always do and when I looked up, I saw a guy in sweatpants and a black tee-shirt sitting on the couch looking up at me. I waved. Must be Gerard.

Mikey put his stuff down and sighed happily. "Gee, this is Frank, that guy I told you about," he gestured to me with his hand, the other was in his pants pocket, "and Frank, this is my brother, Gerard."

I waved again, but added "Hey," this time.

He smiled at me, said, "hi," and leaned forward and picked up a mug off the coffee table. "There's fresh coffee in the brewer if you guys want some," he said, took a sip of what I'm now assuming is coffee, and got right back to reading the comic book he had in his lap.

Mikey smiled this huge smile I've only seen a few times before and silently shouted, "yes!" He headed towards the kitchen. "Want any?" he asked me.

"Coffee at 2:30 in the afternoon? Really?" I've never done that before.

"Um, fuck yes! Me and Gee, we _love_ coffee. It's the most addicting substance ever. I'll pour you some." He started to carefully pour his coffee into a glass mug that reads, "life's a beach." I laughed out loud at that. He went to the cupboard to get me a mug, and cursed under his breath. "I gotta get a mug from my room and wash it for you," and left for his room without saying another word.

I took this opportunity to observe the mystery dude. He wore dark blue pajama pants and a tee shirt and black socks. He was pretty skinny, kinda like me. But I'm guessing he's taller than 5'2. His hair is black,- maybe even blacker than black- and long, as in down to his shoulders. It's also kinda messy, but it gave him that I-don't-give-a-fuck look. The biggest thing that I noticed was his skin tone. This guy looks like he's never even been in the sun before! If he has albino eyes, I won't be surprised.

Mikey returned with a mug and washed it out for me, then poured me coffee, shoved it in my face, and said, "drink this," as though we would hurt me if I didn't.

I took the coffee like a good little short person and drank a sip, and I noticed Gerard's head rise to watch me. I was immediately overcome by the best tasting coffee I've ever had. I couldn't help but moan little bit- it was so good, it was almost orgasmic. "This is so fuckin _good!_ I think this is seriously the best coffee I've ever had in my entire life!"

Gerard and Mikey both grinned, and I nearly dropped my coffee. They looked almost identical when they smiled like that. I noticed they had the same eyebrows, face-shape, mouth and eyes. So when they smiled I thought I was seeing doubles.

"Isn't it great? Gee makes the best coffee, he stated happily, then walked towards his room.

I trailed behind. When I past Gerard, still sitting on the couch reading a comic book, I said, "awesome coffee, man!"

"Thanks," he said, sounding very accomplished.

I realized I had forgotten my bass, so I set my coffee down on the table I was right next to, turned around and ran towards the bass, grabbed it, and ran back to my coffee and flew down the hall without saying a word or sparing glance at Gerard. I did hear him laughing, though.

The rest of the time I spent at Mikey's was spent playing bass together, talking about awesome bass riffs, and eventually we got onto the topic of horror films. Now I know I have someone to watch horror films with on my birthday who isn't my mom. Being born on Halloween means I'm sort of obligated to watch at least two.

Before I knew it, my mom had arrived to pick me up. I said goodbye to Mikey, waved to Gerard, and left.

* * *

I lay here in my bed, waiting for sleep to take me away into a land of trippy shit, and nothing happens. I can't fall asleep for the life of me tonight. My mind races through everything that happened today.

I woke up, prepared myself for the day, ate breakfast with my mom as always, left for school, sat through school, went to Mikey's house, met Gerard, drank coffee that Gerard made, complimented Gerard... Suddenly Gerard isn't letting me move on to other thoughts. He's such a mystery to me, he's keeping me awake thinking about him.

I keep replaying our meet and greet session over and over in my head, as though I'm looking for some sort of clue. I don't even know why. He's contaminated my brain! This is probably just the way things usually go with me. I meet someone for the first time, then they're always on my mind. I'm always curious about them, want to get to know them, but never do. Eventually, that shit goes away.

Tomorrow's a new day, new times, new experiences. So I'm gonna make the most of it... and get a new pack of cigarettes.


	2. Today Was a Good Day

Thank god for the weekend. School is pretty much the biggest fuckin drag, so Saturdays are amazing.

I get out of bed so slowly today, since I just want to sleep for the rest of my life. I glance at the clock. 10:37. This is pretty early for me on Saturdays. I walk over to the mirror to see what an awful mess I had become as I slept. I had forgotten to wash my face before I went to sleep, so I have smudged eyeliner all over my face. Awesome. My hair had become a dark drown rat's nest, because I had also forgotten to comb it out. I guess I was really tired... But the first thing I notice is my eyes. They're so tired looking today. I'm sure if they were bright blue or something they wouldn't look as tired, but since they're hazel, I look kinda dead.

I guess I should stop checking myself out and eat some food- I'm starved. I leave my room silently, not wanting to wake up mom, and practically tip-toe down the wooden stairs. I drag my feet to the kitchen and get myself a big bowl of cheerios, sit down at the table, and dig right the fuck in.

I always do my deepest thinking when I eat. Everything from what I did yesterday, to what I'm doing tomorrow, to what color socks I'm wearing, to snow. Everything imaginable.

Today was about what I'm doing on this lovely Saturday. I look out the window and see how sunny it really is, and it's pretty damn sunny considering that it's early October. But what to do? Go visit my dad at work? No, I would need a car for that. Being sixteen with a license but without a car really sucks. Go to the mall and walk around? Again, car needed. Take a walk around the neighborhood? Wait... this is New Jersey, not Miami. Taking a leisurely walk in Jersey is like wearing a neon sign that says "_I WANNA BE ASS-RAPED AND KILLED!_" So that's definitely not happening... Go hang out with Mikey? Perfect! I'll finish up my breakfast, get all pretty, and head on over.

I finish my breakfast quickly and head back up to my room to get changed. First, I go to the bathroom to wash my face and re-apply the eyeliner that had smudged. Once my face and hair looks satisfactory, I go to put some descent clothes on. I decide that regular jeans and a Black Flag tee shirt would suffice just fine. I slip on some black converse, light a cigarette, write my mom a note and tell her where I'm going, and I'm out the door.

Ten minutes pass and I cam see Mikey's house, just a few houses down the street. I still have a cigarette in my hand, the same one I've been smoking since I left the house. It's pretty much all smoked out, so I drop it to the ground and step on it without breaking stride... like a bad ass.

I turn the corner into the driveway-on the other side of a tall fence-without looking, so I kinda slam into that god damn Subaru... my face hits it full force, which really fuckin hurts. I manage to let out a loud, "_Fuck!_" with my hands to my face in pain. I shake off the stinging sensation and walk around the car as if nothing happened. That was pretty useless, because Gerard is sitting cross legged on the ground near the front door, laughing at me. I guess he heard everything.

I can't help but smile a bit and laugh along, because Gerard's smile is kinda mesmerizing. "Sorry, I probably imprinted my face into your side window," I joked.

Gerard just laughs at me again and says, "it's all good, man."

I nod and stop near him. I figured it would be rude to just walk into the house without checking with Gerard first, since he's watching, and his car is the only one in the driveway, suggesting that the parents aren't home... making him the man in charge. "Is Mikey awake yet?" I ask.

"He isn't even home, dude." He pulls a cigarette and a lighter out of his pocket and lights it.

"Where is he?" That kinda put my whole day down the drain. I walked over here to hang out with my best friend, just to find out that he isn't even home?

He takes a puff of the cigarette and says, "eye doctors. It's an hour away from here and they left maybe twenty minutes ago."

I sigh an unhappy sigh. "Awesome..." I muttered. Now what am I gonna do? I take a deep breath and put myself out of my comfort zone: getting to know new people. "Mind if I have a smoke with ya for a bit? My mom's at work by now and I have nowhere to be."

Gerard smiles. "Sure."

I sit down cross legged in front of him and light my own cigarette.

"Mikey doesn't smoke around you, does he?" he asks. His eyes pierce right through me almost painfully, like a guilt-trip stare.

I hesitate for some reason. I felt like I was being blamed or suspected of something, and this guy is kinda intimidating. "Uhh... never. He tells me all the time how 'unhealthy' it is for my body." I roll my eyes and take a good, long drag.

"Good. I don't ever want him smoking. In essence, it's a bad habit to get into." He seems kinda hypocritical, because he, a smoker, is lecturing me, a smoker, about the bad sides of smoking. Interesting.

"How long have you been smoking for?" I can't help but wonder.

He looks at me with a very mysterious demeanor. "A long time. And yourself?" Another drag.

"Two years. I kinda wish I didn't start though," I admitted. I really do too. It's such a hassle to hide it from your parents and still get to smoke when you need to.

"Yeah, I could care less right now. I have nothing better to do... and without a job, smoking is all there really is _to _do."

"Yeah, I get what you mean."

"Yep..." Our conversation falls silent to smoking and sighing.

"So..." I have to get it going again somehow.

"So buttons," he says.

We both laugh at how dumb, but funny that pun was. That's when I noticed his eyes. How do I describe the eyes? They're a mix of hazel and green... more green than hazel, though. I found myself sorta staring into them in no time at all. They're the kind of eyes that can pierce through your heart and you wouldn't even notice that they did until they no longer were. They might just be the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen from a guy.

But I figured he'd get really creeped if I tell him that. "Are you doing anything for the rest of the day today? I have no place to go but back to my empty house, and you seem pretty cool." I really don't want to be bored all day. That would mean I'd blow through all of my cigarettes out of boredom!

He chuckled. "Sure, I have nothing to do either. I was gonna try looking for a job, but I'm just not feelin it," he admitted.

"That sucks. What are you looking into doing?"

He thought for a second. "Anything creative I guess... preferably something involving art."

"Art, huh? You any good?"

He scoffed. "If I was no good at art, then I wouldn't want a job _involving_ art, now would I?" He smiled a cute half smile.

I feel stupid. "Yeah... could I maybe see some of your drawings? Only if that's okay with you, that is..." I don't want him to show me his stuff if he doesn't want to.

Gerard grinned. "Sure, I'd actually love to get your opinion on something I did recently. I want a fresh pair of eyes to look at this one." He sounded so excited! He dropped his cigarette to the ground and crushed it with his foot, and I did the same.

We walked into the house and Gerard stopped dead in his tracks. He turned to me and said, "I want coffee. Do you want coffee?"

I almost burst out into laughter. "Sure, I guess I want coffee," I chuckled.

"Awesome!" He walked- more like skipped- into the kitchen. I guess Gerard really fuckin loves coffee. He already had a fresh pot of it sitting there, just waiting to be poured. He fixed me a mug and handed it to me.

I take a sip, and I'm overcome once again by the purely amazing taste of Gerard's coffee. "How the fuck do you make coffee that's _this good?_ What's your secret?" I was so curious!

"You want me to be perfectly honest with you?" I nodded. "Grade-A, delicious coffee grinds."

I laughed. "No, really." He just stared at me blankly. "Seriously? You don't add anything to the grinds that makes it taste so good? Mikey didn't say that."

He picked up his coffee cup. "Mikey doesn't have to know." He smirked and winked as he walked past me, intending for me to follow.

I couldn't help but smile awkwardly, because, to be perfectly honest, it kinda turned me on.

Gerard led me into his room, which is pretty interesting. It's very dark and dingy, and sort of messy. The bed isn't made, there are clothes on the floor and in corners, and a little bit of trash here and there. Most of the stuff in the room is kinda mid-evil. There are some skulls of sorts, and only one small window, so there's no sunlight hardly at all. There are piles up to my waist of books, thick books and thin books. I can tell Gerard is big on reading, which probably means he's really smart. There's a whiteboard pinned to wooden wall, with little people drawn on it. Beside it is a TV, with a metal rack on top to hold movies. I walked over to one of the tables and saw a bat inside a glass case, in this weird liquid-solid shit. The bat is fuckin weird... It's wings are completely spread and the fangs are showing.

"That bat's freakin me out, dude," I admitted.

"Yeah, that's my grandfather's paper weight," he smiled and said.

I laugh- though I don't know if he's joking or not- and take a look at the walls. There are lots of drawings, all really detailed. "Did you draw all these?"

He looked in my line of sight. "Yup. Everything artsy that you see in here, I drew." He started digging through a pile of unorganized papers on his table, and found what he was looking for. He hands me a black sketchbook with no title. "I've been working on this for a few months, I just finished it a few days ago. Sit down and take a look, tell me what you think."

I take a seat on Gerard's bed and open up the book, revealing a portrait of Mikey, done in just pencil. My eyes widen a bit and I smile. "This is so good!" I said. I heard him laugh Gerard laughs in response, and I keep on looking. The drawing of Mikey is so detailed and exact, that if I didn't know any better, I'd say this was a black and white photo. I turned the page to see an animated picture of a person with tight jeans, long brown hair and glasses... "Oh, that's Mikey too!" I couldn't help but say it out loud.

"Yeah," Gerard says, "I decided I wanted to try this new thing, where I draw a still-life portrait of someone- a real person- then draw that same person in an animated cartoon form."

"Wow, I'm impressed, dude. This is amazing. Really and truly. I love how every little detail is down to a tee."

"Thanks! I try."

"Anytime." I continue to flip through the pages, recognizing tons of people. I come across a woman who I don't recognize. "Who's this?" I ask.

Gerard comes to sit next to me on the bed. "Oh, that's my grandmother, Elena. I had to include her."

"Well, of course. I mean, she is family."

"She gave me my first car, and taught me how to draw and paint. Where do you think I got all this talent from? She taught me early on. Well, she also taught me to sing, but I'm more for drawing than singing." He seems pretty appreciative of his grandmother.

"Ah, okay. That's pretty cool, actually."

He nods and takes the sketchbook out of my hands carefully and puts it back on the desk. "What about you? Do you have any talents?" He seems like he's actually interested! This dude is fuckin awesome.

"Yeah, I play bass and guitar like a motherfucker!" And I was proud of that fact.

He laughed. "Sweet!"

"Hell yeah! I can scream a little bit too. Ya know, like in Black Flag records and shit like that."

"Even better! What kinds of music do you listen to?"

"Blag Flag, Iron Maiden, The Misfits, Smashing Pumpkins, all kinds of shit right up that alley."

"You like all the same kinds of music as I do," Gerard claims. "I can tell we're gonna have a lot to talk about the next time you come over."

The rest of the time I spend with Gerard is mostly about our likes. Music, movies, girls, guys, food, lots of stuff. Mikey came home eventually and is more than shocked to see me. We all decide to watch a movie together, our pick being "Dawn of the Dead." It's a great pick, because we all love horror films, and this one is a classic.

After we watched the movie, I'm invited to have dinner with the Way family before going home. Dinner consists of talking. The best part is that they all eat together at the table as a family. Living at home isn't like that, because it's just me and mom. Not to mention that Donna- Gerard and Mikey's mom- is a fantastic cook! She made steak and mashed potatoes. I told her that I'm a vegetarian, and she's all apologetic and says she'll fix me up something else. She's so nice about it, too! She made me a large bowl of fruit salad, it was so good! It was large so that I could eat just that and not have to combine the non-mixing tastes of fruits and mashed potatoes together in one meal, and I'd still be full.

Mikey, sitting on my right, is digging into his steak like he hasn't eaten in forever. Gerard is directly across from me, their parents on both ends. Gerard, Mikey, and their parents are talking about remodeling the living room, and I just listen. I observe everyone else as I'm eating, noticing little things about them that most people wouldn't care about. There's really nothing all that interesting about Donna and Donald, except for the fact that their names are so dangerously similar. Mikey's eyes are very dilated tonight, I wonder what they did to him at the eye doctors. Gerard's hair is a lot cleaner and... neater than it was yesterday. I'm guessing that he showered this morning or last night, because it's definitely a noticeable change. I can't help myself but look at his eyes a lot... They're just so beautiful.

This is the only time I really get to observe Gerard without him noticing it, since he's so caught up in another conversation. I never noticed before, but he's really attractive. He's hot, actually. Not like, "holy shit get in my pants right now" hot, but more like, "other people would think you look weird, but you're my kind of guy and you have a gorgeous smile" hot. The more I look at him, the more attractive he gets.

* * *

When I arrive at home, I immediately hop into the shower- I'm in desperate need of a thorough washing. My hair is all tangled and dirty from the few days I went without showering, and I smell kinda funny. I hope no one noticed at diner, that would've sucked.

Today ended up being a much better day then I thought it would be. My plans were to go to Mikey's just to hang out with Mikey, doing the same old shit as usual. I ended up making a new friend, learn lots of stuff about this new friend, tell this new friend lots of stuff about me, and have a nice family dinner with the Brady Bunch.

It was a good day.


	3. Curiosity Killed The Cat

Three sunny days in a row. Is Mother Nature really happy today or something? Because when I say sunny, I mean _sunny_. All I have to do today is to decide what I'm gonna do for entertainment. I hate being alone in the house when my mom works, because there's nothing to do and I get extremely bored.

I pick up the phone and dial Mikey's number. One ring. Two rings. Three rings. "Hello?" My best friend's voice sounds cracked and tired.

"Hey man, it's Frank. What's up?" I'm really excited that he picked up.

"Oh, nothing, just laying in bed..."

"You're wasting the day away! Listen, I'm bored out of my skull over here, what do ya say we go take a walk in the cemetery or something?"

Mikey coughed. "I wish I could, but I don't feel very good today, Frank."

I frowned. "Aw, okay, well I hope you feel better soon. Tell mommy to make you a giant bowl of soup!"

His laugh sounds rough and achy. "I will if I don't lose my voice. Hey... Gerard's itching to get out of the house so he doesn't get sick, why don't you hang out with him? He seems to like you."

My frown became a wide smile. "Sure! Put him on for me?"

"Yeah, hang on." His phone is so loud that I can hear his footsteps as he walks through the house to find Gerard. I also can hear his and Gerard's faint voices in the background almost perfectly, along with what I assume is Gerard's bedroom door opening. "Gee?" No response. "Gee...?" A faint groan. "Gerard?"

Gerard's voice is tired and annoyed. "Go away." A _thump_ reaches my ears through the phone.

"Hey!" An even louder thump is heard.

"Motherfucker! Why thehell would you do that?" Gerard sounds really pissed. I really hope my calling didn't cause this.

"You threw a pillow at me!" Mikey's voice struggles to project.

"So you decide to throw a hardcover book at my face? Who the hell does that?" I suddenly burst into laughter.

"Well you pissed me off..."

Gerard groaned. "That's gonna leave a bump, you bitch."

"Sorry..."

"What did you want, bud?" Gerard sounds apologetic for making his brother feel bad.

"Oh yeah, Frank's on the phone for you."

Long pause. "You mean he heard all of that?"

"Kinda..."

Gerard sighed. "Give me the phone." Pause. "Frank?"

I chuckled. "Hey grumpy, rough start?"

"Shut up," he laughed. "I just woke up, and Genius-Boy decided that a good method to wake me would be throwing a book at my face."

"Yeah, I kinda picked up on that."

"Yep. So what'd you need?"

"Well I'm sorta bored out of my skull. And I was wondering if you wanted to hang out." Why am I so nervous to ask my friend to hang out? Maybe because we're hardly friends. Yeah, that's it.

"Hell yeah! Just give me some time to get changed, get directions from Mikey, have some coffee and I'll be right over."

"Okay, see you soon."

"See ya." The line went dead.

I put the phone back where it belongs, and go to my room to get changed myself. I slip into a pair of jeans and plain blue tee shirt and call it good. I run my fingers through my hair and realize that it desperately needs to be brushed. Better yet, it desperately needs to be cut. But for now I take my brush and yank the knots out. I throw on some eyeliner, sit on my couch and wait.

A few minutes later, after what seemed like forever, Gerard finally arrives. I head for the door before he gets the chance to knock.

I open the door to see his fist in the air in knocking position. "Well that's kinda creepy." He drops his hand to his side.

"Yeah, I'm known for that," I say with a smile. "Come on in."

Gerard slowly walks into my house, looking around. On the wall directly across from him, there's my 5th grade photo, which- to my luck, he notices. "Is that you as a kid?" He walks over to my picture to get a closer look.

"Yeah, that's me," I sigh.

"D'aw, you were so cute!" He laughs.

I smiled a huge smile. I swear, Gerard is the only one who's seen this picture and thinks I'm cute rather than creepy and ugly. Well, besides my mom, she doesn't count. But it makes me so happy to know this. "Thanks! I was quite the ladies man back then."

Gerard's laugh suddenly fills the whole room. "Right!"

"Hey! You say that as if you know _so_ much about me," I claimed.

"At this point, I do. Mikey talks about you _all_ the time."

I'm shocked. "He does?"

"Oh hell yeah."

"Well what does he say?"

"All good things. What you like, what you don't like, what your favorite vegetarian food is, what your favorite school subject is, blah blah fuckin blah."

I laughed. "Sounds like you're tired of hearing about me," my sentence fades into silence as I remember something somewhat important. "Follow me, but keep talking," I say to Gerard.

He gives me a confused look, but follows me as I lead him up the stairs to my room. "Kinda, but not really, ya know? You're literally Mikey's only friend besides me, meaning there's no one else for him to tell me about. So that leaves just you. And I'm the stupid fuck who always asks how his day went in the first place."

I chuckled as I took Gerard into my bedroom. "Yeah, I can see how that could get annoying. Oh, this is my room by the way."

"Yeah, I kinda noticed that. Why'd you bring me up here?" His eyes wander throughout the room, examining everything.

I pick up a piece of paper that's sitting on my desk, holding the colored side towards me so Gerard can't see. "I found this on the floor of school on Friday, and I really liked it, so I picked it up. Are your initials GAW?" He nods warily, and I hand him the piece of paper. "Did you draw this?"

Gerard slowly takes the paper from my hands and his eyes become wide and excited. "Yeah! Oh my god, no way! I drew this during my senior year at Belleview... where was this?"

"On the ground near the bulletin board. It was stilled pinned to it a few days before I found it, I guess they never took it down." The paper was a drawing of two detailed hands intertwined within the other, obviously the hands of two men, and big, colorful and animated words that read "Equality for all."

"That's unbelievable... I made this in art class for extra credit. My teacher said she'd put it up on the bulletin during the summer, but I didn't think she'd actually do it! It lasted up until a couple days ago? No one tore it down between then and now?" he asked, sounding shocked. I shook my head. "Woah," he muttered.

"You decided to draw that for your extra credit piece?" I wondered.

"Well yeah. That year I got tons of shit from the other teenagers for being bi, and that was really all I could think about at the time. So this is what came out of it."

"Ah, I see. I know how that feels."

"You do?" he seemed kinda surprised.

"Yeah, I swing that way too."

"Oh yeah, Mikey may have told me that already..." he suggested.

I laughed. "Yeah, I get tormented too. I get called fag and gay-wad and shit like that."

"That's fuckin stupid. People are so ignorant."

"Yeah. Men should be able to love whoever they want, and so should women." I feel a battle of the sexualities coming on.

"Yes," he said, "they should. Here's how I see it. If you don't like the idea of a gay wedding, then don't get one. If you think loving a person of the same sex is wrong, then don't do it and don't surround yourself by people who do it. It's just facts."

"Yeah! I completely agree. One other thing I hate is when guys think it's wrong for a man to love another man, but thinks it's fine for a woman to love another woman just because they get can watch them have sex. It's just fucking stupid."

"Yeah. I actually dated a guy once," he said, "and the jocks beat the shit out of him for liking a guy. It was awful, he had a broken nose and wrist and two black eyes along with all the emotional trauma. I'd rather it have been me then him, because after we broke up, incidents like that are what caused him to commit suicide."

I'm completely shocked from what Gerard just told me. I've known him for only a day, and he's opening up to me about his past gay relationship, even it's tragic ending. Just the fact that he trusts me- a stranger- with all this information about him and his life makes me gain tons of respect for him. Before I felt like we would just be friends in this world, hardly hang out and hardly talk because of the age difference and our different places in the community. But now I feel like maybe we could be good friends, maybe even more than that if we wanted.

"I'm so sorry that happened, it never should have. Why did you break up? If you don't mind me asking..." I don't want to overstep my boundaries.

"Things just weren't working out like they used to. We argued all the time, so we came to a mutual agreement to break it off." Again, his honestly was amazing.

"At least you didn't become enemies," I suggested.

"Yeah... I still miss him sometimes. I was 16 when he did it, so it's not like I'm an emotional wreck about it."

"Good!"

"Have you even been in a relationship with a guy?" he asked.

"Once, about a year ago. We were together for eight amazing months, but the football team didn't like that. They started a rumor that I cheated on him with this slut, and he believed it. He came to me all upset and angry saying that he couldn't believe I would deceive him that way but he would be willing to forgive and forget if I promised to never do it again."

"so you didn't cheat?"

"No, I didn't, that was the thing. I was angry. I mean, I was glad that he would have been willing to do that if I ever did cheat on him. But just the fact that he actually believed that I would ever do that to him really hurt my feelings, to be honest. It kinda felt like everything I did to earn his trust had been ripped out from under us just because he was so blind, so to speak. I wasn't as angry with the football team as I was with him. So I dumped him on the spot. I was torn about it for weeks." I'm amazed that I just shared all that. I just told this guy one of my deepest issues, and I didn't even break in my words. Everything just flowed out of me for him to hear. I feel like I can share anything with Gerard now.

"Aw man, I'm sorry, that had to have sucked."

"Yeah, it did. After that incident I almost switched over to the straight team," I kidded.

Gerard laughed. "Sometimes I wish I could. Guys are so difficult."

"But girls are more difficult. Although they have more attractive bodies than guys," I stated.

"That's debatable."

"Oh? Well what kind of guy are you into?" I had never even noticed that sometime during the beginning of our conversation we had sat down and gotten comfortable on my bed.

"Hmm..." he thought for a minute. "Honestly, I'm kinda into guys like us. Ya know, the kind that dress different from "normal people" and listen to "different" music and do "different things." I like anyone I can relate to, who likes the same kind of weird shit that I like, and can put up with my smoking," he laughed.

"Me too! I'm more for the "outcast" kinda guy."

"Mhm. As for bodies... skinny, not too tan. And piercings and tattoos wouldn't bother me either, as long as I didn't have to get any," he chuckled.

I almost started fingering my lip ring. "Why? They're great!" I insisted.

"I'm petrified of needles."

I laughed and start tugging on my lip ring. "They're painful at first, but after you've had it for a week you get used to it. I've had mine for a year and it doesn't hurt anymore, sometimes I forget it's even there."

"Still, I hate needles. That's one thing about me that will never change."

I nodded. "I guess some people are like that. You should've heard my mother when I walked into the house with it after a week with my cousin in New York." Gerard laughed. "I walked into the house after not seeing her for a week, she ran over to hug me and stopped dead in her tracks and started yelling at me. 'FRANK ANTHONY IERO THAT BETTER BE FAKE, GOD HELP YOU IF IT'S REAL,' and all that.

Gerard laughed even harder. "And she let you keep it? I know my dad would try ripping it out of my face!"

I laughed. "My dad didn't like it at first, but it's grown on him," I said with a smile.

"Well that's good. Are your parents together?"

"No, they got divorced when I was a really young," I admitted.

"Aw, that's too bad. I feel sorry for you, really."

"It's not as bad as people think it is. Since my mom left my dad she's been much happier, or so my aunt has told me. It's not like I get switched between houses each week or anything, they can have civilized conversations and they do all the time. Just last week me and my parents went out to lunch, so we can all be a normal family sometimes. The divorce also allows my dad to branch out and do what he loves."

"What does he love to do?"

"He's a musician. Guitar and drums are his thing, that's how I learned to play guitar and bass."

"Oh! That's pretty cool." I nodded. Gerard looked around my room, finding a box labeled 'Records.' "Mind if I look at those?" he asked, pointing at the box. I suspect that he's trying to find a way to get out of this conversation, because we've already talked about music before.

I got up, picked up the box of records and brought it over to the bed, sitting back down. "Knock yourself out."

He reached into the box and pulled the records out in no particular order, stating the artists. "The Misfits... Iron Maiden... Blag Flag... This is a nice set of vinyls you have here, Frank."

"Thanks, I got most of them from my dad."

He nodded and continued looking. "Metallica... More Blag Flag..." I smiled. "Anthrax... The Bouncing Souls... This is all great stuff. His eyes suggested he was confused, and he pulled a certain record- one that I really hoped he wouldn't see- out of the box. "Michael Jackson?" he asked, seeming confused.

I shrugged. "It was a gift, you can't get rid of gifts."

He nodded. "True. My bad" He started putting the records back into the box.

After hours of conversation about everything under the sun, the phone rang. I answer. "Hello?"

"Hey Frank!" Mikey's voice sounds much better than it did earlier.

"Hey man! You sound good."

"Yeah, I feel good. Is Gerard still over there?" he asked.

"Yeah, he's right here. Do you need to talk to him?" I checked the time. 6:13. Must be time for him to leave.

"Nah, can you just tell him that mom wants him home soon? That'd be great."

Bingo. I sighed. "Sure, I'll let him know. See ya tomorrow."

"Bye," and the line ended.

"Was that Mikey?" Gerard asked.

"Yeah, he says Donna wants you home soon." I really didn't want to tell him that, I just want him to stay overnight or something, but I know it would never happen. I love hanging out with him.

"Okay, I'll get going then, I need a cigarette anyways. Hey... what are you doing tomorrow after school?"

I had to restrain myself from smiling. He wants to hang out again! "Erm, nothing. Why?"

"I wanna show you this great place I like to go to when I have to think."

Where?" I asked.

"I can't tell, you'll have to wait and see. I'll pick you up after out front, okay?"

I smiled curiously. "Okay then. I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

Gerard headed for the door. "See ya, Frankie!" And he was gone.


	4. Knowledge Brought The Cat Back

Only minutes left until I'm free. Mikey didn't end up coming to school, his virus or whatever came back. As I sit all alone in Mrs. Simmons' history class, all I can think about is where Gerard is taking me today. Probably just some place he goes when he smokes weed. Nah, probably not... I wonder if even likes smoking weed. What am I talking about? He's nineteen, of course he does. If I'm sixteen and I love getting high, then Gerard must.

Who the fuck am I to judge that? I hardly know him, I should just shut up. I've known him a total of four days, counting today, but I feel like I've known him forever. I feel like we're best friends. I can't wait for him to pick me up to hang out today, honestly.

I imagine myself walking up to Gerard's car, getting in, and being greeted with a smile. From that my heart beats a little faster. It never occurred to me just how _gorgeous_ that smile really is. I can picture it so clearly; that genuine, beautiful, "it's nice to see you again," smile. If you take the time to think about that smile, you realize that there aren't very many people with a smile like it.

I'm thinking about Gerard's smile? _Well it is beautiful... _What the hell? I'm pretty much drooling over this guy. He may be attractive- _really_ _attractive_- but I don't like him like that. At least I don't think I do.

The bell sounds my escape, I leave my desk as quickly as possible with hopes of beating the crowd of trampling assholes. I exit the school and start my search for Gerard's beat up Subaru, and I find it before the search really ever starts. I see Gerard through the window, looking over the school, probably reminiscing. I start to make my way toward the vehicle, and I'm more than halfway there when a group of guys- asshole jocks- start slowly surrounding me. The sad thing is that I know all of their names. Trent- the tough one, Michael- the one who talks the talk _and_ walks the walk, and Chris- the one who just talks shit, but never actually does anything.

I try to ignore them, but that attempt is counteracted when Trent shoves me to the side. "Hey freak, where ya headed?" Trent's voice is even one of an airhead.

I ignore him and keep walking.

"Hey goth kid, he asked you a question," Chris put his hand in my path to stop me in my tracks. This is unusual for him, he normally doesn't get physical.

"Leave me alone," I plainly said.

The three guys go "oohhh!" in unison.

"Little dude thinks he's tough!" he addresses to his pals.

"No, I don't. I just want to be left alone," I bluntly state.

"Why? So you can go jack off to pictures of naked goth dudes?" All three of the guys laugh.

"No, so I can get away from you three; breathing your air is giving me herpes." I start walking away, shoving one of the guys- I'm not sure which one- out of my way so I can get back to my life. Before I even get the chance to sigh in relief, someone grabs my shoulder really hard and shoves me over with brute force, knocking me straight to the ground. My bag lands a few feet away from me, so one of the dudes kicks it away, probably breaking something in it.

"Hey fag," Micheal starts, leaning over me and grabbing my shirt, lifting me a little bit off the ground with it. I swear my shirt almost ripped. His voice is very low and intimidating. "Don't you dare think even for a second that I'm gonna take crap from a dick-sucking gothic piece of shit like you."

I lay on the ground, helpless, trying to think of something to say or do, but all I can do is look up at this asshole, and back to Trent, all the while sort of fearing for my life. Trent has his hand in his jean pocket, and only God knows what he has in there.

Suddenly, without warning, the back of my head hits the ground with a large thud. I close my eyes tight, trying to block off the newly found headache. I hear a familiar voice and my eyes snap open. I look up from where I now sit, propping myself up by my arms, to see Gerard talking to Michael and the other douchebags.

"You guys are fuckin lucky I don't report you for assault and harassment."

The guys laugh. "Whatever. Who the fuck are you anyway, kid?" Chris asks.

I use this time to get back on my feet and retrieve my bag. "I'm older than you," Gerard starts, "and who I am is none of your fuckin business. And what Frank does with his time is none of your business, too." Gerard looks at me. "Let's go."

I walk over to Gerard's side quickly and we start to make our way to his car, when one of the guys shouts, "Did I just hear this dude put me down? Hey, let me tell you something, fagot." Gerard stops dead in his tracks, looking straight ahead at nothing with a blank and angry look. "Never will I be seen getting told off by someone lesser in quality than me, and if you think you have that ability then you can go straight back to the crack house you live in and stay there."

I can't believe the words that I just heard. I glance at Gerard to see him slightly shaking. He whips around to face the three guys, walks right over to the one who spoke, and throws an almost lethal punch dead center in the eye. The guy stands there in shock with one hand to his face. Without another word, Gerard starts walking towards his car, grabbing me by the arm and dragging me along.

We get into the car casually, despite the state of shock that I'm still in. Gerard just put his pretty face on the line and stood up for me against _three_ guys who could've kicked his ass. For _me!_ I glance at Gerard as he started the engine and puts the car into drive, speeding away from the school. I try to take a look back at the guys, but Gerard's speeding made it impossible.

"You didn't have to do that," I insist.

"Yeah, I kinda did." He seems fine now, no shaky hands or angry expressions. "He had you pinned, dude, you were _so_ fuckin dead," he laughed.

"I could have handled it..." Gerard gave me this 'bitch, please' look. "Okay, you win." I look at Gerard and smile this truly genuine smile. "Thanks. I really appreciate what you said back there."

Gerard turns to me and smiles right back. My heart skips a beat or two, then speeds up maybe three times it's regular speed. His smile caused me to fall into a state of hypnosis of some form, and I'm suddenly overcome by these strange feelings, feelings I've come close to, but haven't quite reached before. The feeling is somewhat familiar, but I can't put my finger on it. "Anytime," he says. "I know exactly where you are in that situation, and I took pride in punching that motherfucker."

I laugh. "I saw that." The car suddenly grew quiet. I decide to just examine Gerard with what time I have. The very first thing I notice about him are his eyes... he's wearing eyeliner today! I gotta say, the eyeliner adds that extra touch, making just a little hotter. The second thing I notice is his hoodie. It's just plain black, identical to mine. "Nice hoodie. But I think I may have seen it somewhere before."

He looks over at me, notices mine and laughs. "I guarantee I have all the same hoodies as you plus more," he states.

"Oh really?"  
"Oh yeah. I have so many jackets and hoodies, but mostly jackets. I'm sort of a jacket slut." I burst into laughter. "No, I'm serious, Frankie!" he chuckles.

Frankie. There was something about Gerard calling me Frankie that gave me butterflies in my stomach. "Are you sure you're not just a regular slut?" I joke.

He pondered this. "That might be it, too," he smiles at me and chuckles again. We stop at a red light, and I keep my eyes out the window. But in my puerperal vision I can see Gerard glancing at me, sort of looking me up and down, as if he were assessing me or something. I swear I see this look in his eyes, the same look I have when I look at Gerard. I don't know exactly how I feel about him, so maybe he doesn't know how he feels about me, either. Maybe that's what this expression is.

The car behind us suddenly honks, and we both come to realize that the light had turned green. Gerard snaps back to attention and starts driving again, clearing his throat awkwardly. A few moments of silence pass. "Aren't you wondering where I'm taking you?" he asks.

"Oh you know I am. But you said it was a surprise or something, so I'll let you surprise me."

He chuckles and pulls the car onto a dirt road. The car bumps a little and kind of rocks back and forth. We come up to a set of opened gates with a sign that reads "Newark Cemetery."

"You're taking me to a cemetery?" I ask, sort of dumbfounded.

"Yeah, there's this one spot in the cemetery I love to go to in the middle of the night." He pulls the car over in a parking lot that only has three other cars. We get out of the car and step into the light brown dirt. Gerard starts leading me through the graves. "God, I love this place," he says.

"Why? It's a cemetery... there are dead people six feet under your feet right now."

"I know that, but I love the atmosphere. It enables me to really think about stuff. And the place I'm specifically taking you too... It's head turning."

"Where is this place?"

We turn the corner around a seven-foot tall headstone with a statue of God, and Gerard says, "right here."

He was kinda right, this place is very head turning. We stand atop a hill- not a large hill, but not a small hill. The hill was high enough for us to see almost all across the back of the cemetery. I can see the back gates of the place, even other building in the city. It's a gorgeous view, actually. Next to us is a seven or eight-foot tall mausoleum, an expensive looking one.

I look over at where Gerard stood, not seeing him. He had started climbing the ladder to get to the top of the mausoleum. Before I can comprehend what he's doing, he's on the roof, looking down at me. "Come on up!" I look around to make sure there that no one is watching. "You scared, Frankie?"

Again, I get butterflies. But I keep my cool. "No, I just don't want police to see this." I start making the climb to join Gerard. I'm almost up when Gerard puts his hand out for me to take it. My heart skips a beat when I think of taking it. I take his hand and my heart starts racing. He pulls me up over the edge, and my feet hit the rooftop of the mausoleum. He lets my hand go and sighs, placing his hands on his hips, looking over the view.

I really wish he hadn't let go. When he took my hand, I felt... alive. The skin of my hand is tingling from his touch, almost as if his hand is still there. Every time he says my name, smiles, touches me, or even looks at me my heart starts beating faster. I've never had these kinds of things happen before. I'm happy just being around him, and he's all I think about now. Am I in love with Gerard Way? I've loved someone before, but I've never been _in_ love with someone. When I was in my past relationships, my heart only really raced when things got hot and heavy. Just looking at Gerard's smile will make it race now! He's attractive, he's nice, he's caring and very thoughtful, smart, funny, honest. He's everything in a guy that I like, and everything in a guy that I want.

Before, how I felt about Gerard was unclear. Now I know exactly how I feel. I want him.

"Isn't the view amazing, Frank?"

I don't take my eyes off of Gerard, answering as if he were asking about _my_ view- him. "Yeah... absolutely gorgeous."

He looks at me and I look away awkwardly. "Well, I don't know if I'd call it gorgeous, but whatever." He plops himself down on his but and sits cross legged, patting the concrete next to him. I sit beside him and take a out a cigarette and a lighter, so Gerard does the same. Smoking for us is what keeps us calm and collected. But when I'm with Gerard it does nothing. I sigh. "Something wrong, Frankie?"

I fight back the smile. "Nah, I'm fine."

"Okay then..." He sighed. "Frank, I want you to know something." I stare at Gerard, waiting for whatever it is he wants to say, hoping that it's what I want to hear. "Judging by what I saw today at the school, you've been through a lot." I nodded. "You've been through a lot, I've been through a lot. I know what position you're in, and I know how it can be. I also know how bad the consequences can get."

"Consequences?" I ask.

"If you've ever contemplated or attempted suicide, you aren't the only one here who has." I stare at Gerard in shock. "Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I'm here for you." Gerard puts his hand on my shoulder and lets it rest there, and my whole body tingles from his touch. "If you ever need someone to talk to, get advice from, or just need someone to cry to, I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you. I know I haven't known you very long, but I feel like I've known you my whole life." He pauses and looks me over, as if he were looking for a certain reaction. "I know exactly what it feels like to be alone at that school, sixteen and different from the other kids. Just like you, I didn't have anyone to go to, so I hated school _and_ my life for that reason- I had no one. I don't want you to feel the way I did- honestly, I really don't. You're an amazing person, Frank, and you deserve better." He let his hand fall off of my shoulder and into his lap. "So I wanna be that one person you can go to. I'll always be here to talk."

I stare into Gerard's eyes, searching for the "_psych!_" that I half expected. I didn't see that. Instead I see pure genuine truth... and something else that I can't quite make out. "No... No one has ever said that to me before..." I feel all of these crazy emotions flowing through me at rapid speed, all at once. Everything I know, everything I've ever known about being in high school all alone is replaced by Gerard's words. It's almost impossible to express how I feel at this moment.

Before I know it, Gerard's arms are wrapped tightly around my waist. My heart just about stops and I almost don't know what to do. I let my muscles relax, and my arms naturally find their way around Gerard's neck. I can't help but smile, because I'm being hugged by someone... which hasn't happened in a while. And considering that it's Gerard makes it better. I feel something wet on my face- a tear. A few tears, actually. Gerard must have thought I was sad and that's why he hugged me. But I'm not sad, I'm actually very happy. The guy- the guy I want to be with- cares about me, and wants me to know it. And has made it very clear. I've never heard those words before from someone who isn't family. This is the happiest I've felt in a very long time.

I feel Gerard's arms squeeze me just a little bit tighter, letting his fists open up, his hands now rest flat on my back. We stayed like that for a couple of moments. "Thanks Gerard... you have no idea how much it means to me- hearing you say that..." My voice cracks slightly, suggesting that I may still be holding tears back.

"Anytime, Frankie..." He finally lets go, but I wish he would just hold me forever. "Don't ever forget it, okay?" Gerard's eyes are slightly watering, but not enough for tears to fall.

"Yeah... I won't ever-" my words are cut off by the beeping of Gerard's wristwatch.

He looks at the watch and shuts off the alarm, sighing. "I'm really sorry to cut this so short, but we gotta get going." Gerard stands up, wipes the dust off his legs, and starts climbing the ladder down the mausoleum.

"Why?" I'm honestly very disappointed.

"I have a job interview-type-thing at the comic store."

I frowned, knowing Gerard wouldn't see. He makes it to the ground and I follow. "Oh. Well, I hope you get the job."

"Thanks. I'll drop you off at home before I go to it, I won't make you walk home," he smiled.

We started the walk back to the car and talked about Mikey. I asked how he's doing and all that, and apparently he's coughing his lungs out. I feel bad that I haven't visited yet.

We got into Gerard's car, and started making our way to my house. The very first thing Gerard does once he's settled is pop in a cassette tape and play the music. Black Flag starts to play and I smile widely. He looks over and returns a smile and says, "in your honor!" I chuckle. "Frank? Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, anything."

He sighs. "I can't hang out with you tomorrow, but I want to. I've got all these errands to run, then I'm visiting my grandmother. So I was kinda wondering..." I waited. "I was wondering if you'd be willing to sneak out tonight."

"Hell yeah! When?"

Gerard thinks for a minute. "Well, what time does your mom usually turn in?"

"10:30 at the latest." Gerard wants me to sneak out? That's interesting.

"Okay... then let's say 11:30. I'll show you where I'll pick you up when we get there." I nod.

Sooner then it seems, Gerard pulls up along side my house. "Okay. So you see that stop sign?" Gerard points across from my side of the street and off to the right some, just out of view of my house. "I'll be parked right next to that sign. You won't miss me."

I nod again. "Okay, cool. Do I dare ask _why_ you want me to sneak out?"

"Nah, you'll have to wait and see," he says with a smile.

I sigh. "Okay. Whatever works for you. I'll let you get going for that job interview-thing." I smile.

"Alright, I'll see you tonight, man."

"See ya." I grab my bag and hop out of the car, noticing a slight spring in my step. I get to the door and open it, but turn to wave at Gerard before I enter the house. He waves at me with a smile and drives away. I instantly feel my heart sink into my stomach, and I can feel his absence. I wish he would come back.


	5. In The End, It Was All Worth It

11:30 seems less like ten minutes away and more like twenty-four hours away. I have this large pit in my stomach, not necessarily of worry, but of nervousness. Why does Gerard want me to sneak out to see him? What could possibly be so important that it can't wait until Wednesday? Thinking about what could happen tonight is giving me heart failure, so I have to do something to keep myself occupied. So instead I light a cigarette to calm me down. I'll just spray a shitload of air freshener before I go.

The cigarette is already gone in two minutes, that's how nervous I am. I'm sneaking out of my house to go see the guy I want to be with, and I don't even know why. So I decide to reapply my eyeliner. I'm _going_ to look good for Gerard, no matter where we go. After that I decide to start my escape.

I quietly tip-toe down my stairs, my plan in mind. Without making a sound, like a ninja, I open my living room window, climb out, and close it again. When I reach the front of the house, I look at all the windows to make sure my mom hadn't detected me leaving. This isn't the first time I've sneaked out, I used to do it all the time to meet up with the only friend I had. I called him Hambone and he was much older than me, and we got high. This time is much different because I actually want Gerard, I didn't ever want Hambone.

The strange feeling washes over me, and I suddenly feel turned on. There's something sexy about sneaking out to see someone you like... but I don't know what it is.

I walk over to the stop sign Gerard said he'd meet me at, and voila, there he is, in his car. Waiting. For me. My heart speeds up. I get into his car, scaring him half to death. I guess he didn't know I was there.

"Jesus, Frankie, you scared me!"

"Yeah, I can tell." _Damn_ he looks good. He reapplied his eyeliner too, so now I don't feel like as much of a loser. Gerard starts the car up and starts to drive. "So where are we going?"

Gerard pauses before answering. "You'll see."

I sigh, and he pulls into the empty parking lot of the old movie theater, it's soon to be knocked down. I look around, noticing that there aren't any cars. We pull into a parking spot, and the car gets put in park. Gerard sighs a heavy and uneven sigh. "Why are we here?" I ask.

"I have something I need to say, and it can't wait until Wednesday, Frank. I don't know how you're gonna react, but I can't ignore this anymore." I wait patiently. I'm sort of expecting it to just be some sort of a confession about his life or something. "I like you, Frank..."

"I like you too, Gerard. What's wrong?"

"No... I mean... I _really_... like you."

This has to be a trick. Where's the fucking camera? Gerard likes me the same way I do? The shock takes over my body and my brain, and I just stare. "What... what did you say?"

Gerard leans in closer to me, his eyes very serious. "I want you, Frankie. I have for a little while." His face is maybe a foot away from mine, I can even smell the cigarettes on his breath and the cologne on his sexy leather jacket. He watches me intently for any reaction. I still just watch in shock and happiness. "You don't like me back, do you?"

"No- I mean yes- I mean-" I pause and take a deep breath. "I like you too, Gerard... I really do. I've been wanting to tell you, but I didn't know how..."

Gerard's sadness turns into pure joy, a giant smile taking over his face. "Really? You aren't just saying that?"

I shake my head. "There's something about you that just... draws me in..." I look Gerard straight in the eyes- the gorgeous green eyes- and take his hand into mine, giving me goosebumps and making my heart skip a beat. His hands are very cold. "You're everything I want," I say with a smile.

Gerard's eyes move from my eyes down to my lips, back to my eyes, and all the way around again. Without saying another word, he slowly leans in closer and presses his lips softly to mine.

And time stopped. Everything else around me disappears, becomes nothing. I don't care about getting home tonight, or school the next day, or whether or not my mom notices I'm gone. Nothing is of importance. The only thing that matters right now is this moment, in this car, with this guy. I've thought of this moment since I left Gerard today, and almost nothing else. I've been yearning for this.

Every muscle in my body is like a live wire. Gerard's lips are the softest lips I've ever kissed, and I melt into them. I kiss him back gently, not wanting to come on too strong. His lips kiss mine, over and over and over again, but slowly.

He pulls away and we both smile. "I never thought this would ever happen," I claim.

"Yeah... I thought I'd give it a try, and if you didn't feel the same way then... oh well, ya know?"

I nod, still with a smile, almost incapable of words. I let my desires take over for a moment, and suddenly I'm kissing him again. These slow, soft kisses turn into a make out session very quickly. I feel like a love-drunk teenage girl, kissing the guy of her dreams. I think I sort of thew myself onto him.

A half hour later, we're still making out. Not the kind of making out where you're all over each other, breathing heavy and touching each other all over, but the other kind. The kind that's romantic and sweet and soft. The kind where you're embracing each other, in a way. That's what we're doing, and I love every second of it.

Gerard puts his hand on the side of my face, and pulls away. "I guess I should get you home, you have school tomorrow."

I shake my head. "I don't want to."

Gerard lets his hand slide down to his lap. "But you should..." I shake my head. "You wanna be exhausted for class?"

"I always am. Why do you care anyways?" I ask with a smile. "You aren't my dad."

"I just want you to do well, that's all. I got drunk by myself all the time in the middle of the night, and I didn't do too well."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's not like I had anything else to do."

"I guess... Say, how'd you do at that job interview?"

He frowned. "I didn't get it."

I frowned too. "Aw man, that sucks. Why not?"

"They said that the only job they have open is an illustrator, and they want someone with a college degree for arts of some kind."

I nod. "I see... well maybe you'll have better luck somewhere else." I give Gerard a quick peck on the lips.

He giggles. "Yeah, maybe I'll try a bus boy or some stupid shit like that. Whatever pays."

I laughed. "So... what do you think Mikey's gonna say about us?"

Gerard's smile fades a bit. "I don't know... should we even tell him?"

"Yes! He's my best friend, I think he damn well deserves to know."

He sighs. "I guess so... what will he think, though?"

"Does it matter? We're together, big deal. If he's gonna have a problem, then let him. Besides, he's not homophobic, so I don't think he'll have an issue."

He smiles. "Okay, I guess. As long as it doesn't have to be tomorrow, because I won't see him at all."

I sigh. "Okay, I'm gonna visit tomorrow. Is he going to school?"

"Nope, he's been coughing his lungs out."

"That sucks," I state. "I hope he gets better."

"Yeah, me too. I hate seeing him sick... just thinking about it makes me sad for him."

I smile. "So why don't you try doing something to get your mind off of it? Say something physical?" I say flirtatiously.

Gerard smiles a cute sideways smile, and kisses me again. Multiple times. Suddenly we're back to making out. I hope our relationship isn't just make out sessions...

It won't be, I like him a lot more than that.

Gerard parts his lips from mine again, and another half hour has passes, it's now 1:00. I yawn. "You're tired," Gerard says. "I'll take you home." He puts the car in drive.

I sigh. "Thanks." He smiles and starts driving. I never noticed how tired I really am until my heart started slowing down. My eyes can hardly stay open and all I can think about is sleep. The two minute or less drive to my house seems more like twenty, and I nearly fell asleep.

Gerard decides to pull up in front my house instead of dropping me off at the stop sign he picked me up at. "What's with this?"

He knows exactly what I mean. "Well I don't want my boyfriend getting jumped right in front of his own home, do I?"

My heart just about stops. "B-boyfriend?"

He smiles. "Well, what did you think we are now? Friends who kiss each other for fun?"

I chuckle. "It's just that... I haven't been called a boyfriend in a really long time... And I'm really loving the fact that _you're_ saying it."

He smiles and kisses me. This kiss is soft and slow, but still intense. "Get out of my car, you freak," he jokes.

"Alright, alright, I'm goin!" I laugh. "Call me?"

"Of course."

I smile and climb out of Gerard's car, shutting the door quietly. I walk a few feet towards the window, and turn around to watch him leave. He disappears out of view, and I get that empty hole in my stomach again. Almost like I'll be forever alone, but I know that's just my dramatic side taking over.

I climb through my window in silence, and close it behind me. Just like a ninja, yet again. I start walking through the darkness, when a piercing pain of light shoots through my almost-nocturnal eyes. I cringe at the light, like a vampire would, but without the hissing. My eyes start to adjust to the light, and I see my mom standing next to the light switch, glaring at me. If looks could kill, I would be a smoking pile of ashes right now.

"Frank Anthony Iero Junior." She used my full name.

I'm fucked.

"...Yeah?" I said. I don't want to piss her off, but I don't wanna be in trouble, either.

"You snuck out,_ again?_"

"No... I was getting water." Like that's gonna fucking work.

"Fully dressed with your shoes on?" She looks like she's gonna take the butcher knife on the counter and jab it through my skull.

"... Yeah... The floor is really dirty." I'm trying my hardest to be convincing, but it's not working.

"Go to your room _right now_." I start walking towards the stairs, almost cowering in fear when I pass by my mom. "You're ground until further notice. No friends whatsoever."

I stop dead in my tracks, almost gasping. "_What?_ But I was gonna visit Mikey after school tomorrow! I already told him I would!"

She thought for a second. "_Fine_. But only because you've already made the plans, and since Mikey is such a nice friend and a_ good influence_." I sigh in relief. "Where were you, Frank?"

I can't have her thinking Gerard is a bad example, she'll never let me hang out with him or ever let him come over. "Hambone," I said quickly, but convincingly.

She groaned. "If I had his mother's number... oh she'd get an _earful_."

"I know, mom, I know."

"No Frank, I don't think you do. I'm so fucking mad, you're lucky I don't keep you from going to school."

I sigh. "I'm going to sleep, mom."

"Yes, you are. And _stay_ _in your room!_" Each word of the last sentence was broken up for extra emphasize.

I walk up the stairs to my room and get undressed into some shorts, I always sleep with no shirt. I collapse into bed, ready to pass out.

A half hour later, I'm still awake. All I can think about is tonight, and how amazing it was. I don't care that I was caught and punished. It was all completely worth it. Gerard knows how I feel about him, I know how he feels about me, and we're now in a relationship together. I can still feel the empty spot in my gut, lingering in a painful way. I can tell that tomorrow is going to be hell without him, but at least I get to see Mikey and make him feel better. I know I never made the real plans with him, but I really want to see him, and surely Gerard will say something. I'll even bring him his work from other classes, that'll make him happier. I know that I would hate to have to go back to school after suffering through a cold just to find out that I have missing work to make up. I'll make things easier for him.

I continue to stare at my ceiling, longing for the sleep that will most likely never come. I can't get Gerard's image out of my head. His eyes stick out more than anything else. Specifically his eyes shining in the moonlight, filtered by the windows of his car. His face is all I can see, and it turns out to be just the perfect image to lull me into my dream state.


	6. The Absence Hurts Like Hell

Today had been the most boring day of the year. Two tests, an educational film on science, and another history lecture. I've never been so bored in my entire life. Now I'm walking to Mikey's, all alone. When I left the school, the jocks who harassed me yesterday didn't even come near me. They watched me leave school grounds, and talked shit. To be honest, I was nervous that they'd get me even worse, calling me a coward or make fun of Gerard or something.

Oh, if someone talked shit about him and I were right there to hear it... I might have to get physical. It pisses me off so much when someone talks trash about another person, no matter who it is. I mean, if one of the jocks started a rumor about someone, I'd still feel bad for the victim. That's only because I know how they feel, and it sucks, and absolutely no one deserves it. Especially not Gerard. In my opinion, he's perfect in every way. He's attractive, too smart for his own good, funny, caring and kind, artistic and creative, and a really good kisser. He's all around perfect, and there's no reason to start shit about him. Especially if they don't know him personally. He's my boyfriend now, so if someone else were to start talking crap about him and I'm there to hear it, I'm cutting the fuck into _that_ conversation.

I make my way over to Mikey's front door, and knock. He opens the door and smiles. "Frank! Hi!"

I smile. "Hey, man! You look... awful."

"I feel awful." He moves aside to let me come in.

I open up my bag to get Mikey's assignments. "If it makes you feel any better, being at home sick is better than sitting through history."

He laughs. "Yeah, it is."

I hand him the papers. "Here's the work you missed, it's all stuff we know."

He smiles a huge smile. "Thanks! I didn't even have to ask." He takes the papers from me and we start walking up to his room.

"Well," I said, "that's what friends are for."

"Fuckin right." He puts the papers on his desk and reaches for a tissue.

"Just don't get me sick, okay? My grades can't afford for me to miss school."

He laughs as he tried to blow his nose into the tissue, making a hysterical motorboat engine sound. "You're gonna be the death of me one day, Frank!" he laughs.

"Probably. We'll just have to wait for that day to come," I joked.

"Ha-ha. So how's school without me?"

"Boring as _hell_. You need to get better soon. Like tonight." He laughs. "Oh! And you'll never guess what happened the other day."

"What?" He sits down on the bed and I hop next to him, sitting cross legged.

"It was after school when Gerard was picking me up, because _you_ weren't there. I was leaving and the three stooges," he knows exactly who I mean, "came up to me out of random and started calling me names and harassing me and shoving me. I tried to ignore em... but then I got pissed and told them off."

"Nice. That wasn't very smart."

"I know that _now_. So then the big stooge shoved me to the ground and grabbed my shirt, pulled me halfway off the ground and tells me how he's not gonna take shit from a goth fag like me, that kinda thing. I was fuckin scared dude!"

"You were scared of _him?_ Why?"

"He's huge! And not afraid to punch me out. And that's not even the end of the story. So he had me on the ground, scared shitless, and Gerard comes out of nowhere and tells him off. Then the dude put Gee down about his being bi and 'goth' and whatever. Then guess what happened."

"What?" Mikey is pretty much on the edge of his seat, waiting to hear the ending to this story.

"Gee punched him. Fucking _punched_ him! Stooge just stood there like," I imitated the douche's expression for Mikey- one of confusion, disbelief and anger.

His mouth drops. "No fucking way! He didn't!"

"He did!" I insist. "He punched him then we just walked off! But I swear he was shaking."

"Oh yeah," Mikey doesn't seem the least bit surprised. "He tends to shake a little when he gets mad enough, but that doesn't happen often. He's normally pretty chill about shit, but when he gets put down like that... he gets really angry."

"Yeah, I figured that out. The best part is that he stood up for me against three huge dudes who could have kicked his ass _easily_, and did it like it was nothing!"

"He's accustomed to sticking up for people."

"What do you mean?"

"He wasn't the typical older brother when we were growing up. He pushed me and tortured me at his minimum. Maybe lower than that, actually. Once we got older and kids in my grade started getting meaner, he started standing up for me against the bullies, which there were a lot of." He starts laughing at random.

"What?" I asked.

"There was one time-" Mikey can't really get out a sentence without laughing. "One time there this kid was bullying me because of my glasses, calling me four-eyes and nerd and all that and he made me cry. So Gerard came along-"

"Oh god."

"Gerard came along and heard what this kid was saying and saw me crying and did the best thing ever. He gave the kid a wedgie then pull his pants down- which to our school was the worst form of humiliation- and the kid had on pink fuckin _Barbie_ underwear!" I laugh hysterically. "That isn't even the best part! The kid screamed at him, 'I'm gonna tell my mommy on you!' and Gerard just punches him in the mouth."

The laughter continues amongst us. "All because he called you four-eyes?"

"I was crying! And Gerard was eleven, mind you. Meaning he gave a seven year old a fat lip."

"That's so awesome! Did he get in trouble?"

"Nope. And the kid never bothered me again from that day on."

"Lucky... I had no one to help me with my bullies. I'd love to have an older brother."

"It's pretty great, Gerard's amazing with big brother stuff."

That makes me smile. He's a great guy, attractive, fun, a great brother and more. He's almost perfect. I miss him too. "Well I'm glad no one shoved you around too much, dork." He smiles. I go deep into thought while Mikey fidgets with his blanket.

Maybe a minute passes by with us doing our own things, and I decide to take a large step in Mikey and I's friendship. Well, it is to me. "Mikey, can I tell you something? Honestly?"

Mikey's face fills with concern. "You can tell me anything, you know that. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, there's just something I need to tell you and I don't know how you're gonna take it."

"Oh god. Should I be worried?"

"No, this is good news."

The concern floods out of his face and turns into relief. "Oh, okay. So what is it?"

"Well... I have a boyfriend now."

He smiles from ear to ear. "Really? Since when? Who?"

I smile too. "Since last night."

"_Who?_"

"... Your brother."

He stares at me in disbelief. "Gee?" I nod. "I didn't know you liked him in that way..."

"Yeah, I didn't either until yesterday."

"Well that's great! I'm happy for you guys."

"Really?" _Score!_

__"Yeah! Why? Did you think I'd have something against it?"

"I didn't know how you'd react."

"Well I'm happy! How did this come about?"

I sigh. "Well. Gerard had me sneak out at 11:30 last night so that he could talk to me. He took me to the old movie theater and told me he liked me."

"... And?"

"That's really it... well, for the interesting stuff, anyways."

"I wanna know everything, even the uninteresting stuff."

"Okay... well... we talked about it, made out for a while..." Watching Mikey's face intently, I see no signs of awkward tension from my last statement. I thought he'd at least flinch. "Then we talked some more-"

"About what?"

"You, actually. What you'd think of us being together and who's gonna tell you and whatnot."

"Oh, I see. So it wasn't all glamorous and perfect and magical like the movies?"

I laughed. "Yes and no, I guess. The fact that is even happened was magical, but it wasn't like... sparks flying everywhere and shit like that."

"I see. When are you seeing him next?"

"Tomorrow, I hope. He's visiting you guys' grandmother today, I think. I haven't seen him all day."

He laughs. "He would..."

"What do you mean?"

"He's so close to her, it's unbelievable. And she's sick right now, so..."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."

"It's all good. It's just a cold, she'll be fine."

"Well that's good."

"Yeah... he's always jumping at the opportunity to help make her life easier. He loves taking care of her, too. I guess it makes him feel like he's not a totally worthless washed up drunk."

"He's not like that at all!" That accusation makes me kind of angry... He's just the opposite of a washed up drunk. I didn't even know he's a drunk! "He's everything but _that_."

"I know that," Mikey says, "but he's convinced that he is. I don't know why though."

"Hmm... that's weird."

"I know."

"No, I mean it's weird that you- the caring and worrisome little brother- don't know what's deeply wrong with Gee."

He laughs. "I'm not that well informed. I tell him everything, I never said he tells me everything back."

"He should. I mean, he doesn't necessarily have to, but you'd think he would."

"Yeah I know. He tells our grandmother more than he tells me."

"That's weird too, but I understand. He told me some stuff about her teaching him to sing and whatever." That scene is clear in my brain. He was brutally honest with me- practically a stranger, and I felt happy about it.

"Yeah. He's always been good at singing, but she helped him to really project and get at different levels and pitches easier."

"I wanna hear him sing now! Dammit, Mikey."

He laughs. "Maybe you will one day. Why don't you ask him?

"Oh yeah right. 'Gee, will you sing for me?' I don't think so."

He sighs with a smile. "Whatever then, it's your loss because he's really good. Hey, wanna hear a story?"

"Sure."

"When he was in sixth grade, he was in a school play. Here's the deal about that. The play was _Peter Pan_, and he was Peter Pan."

"Well that's pretty cool!"

"Not really. It would have been more cool if Peter Pan wasn't always played by a girl."

I laughed. "That's funny! Did he have to sing?"

"Yep. He stills knows the main song by heart. He sings it under his breath all the time when he's just doing random shit."

"That's so funny. Poor Gee..."

"Yeah. I guess that was the beginning of people thinking he's a loser."

"Yeah... I get that."

Hours passed and before I know it, I'm walking home. And after that, I'm home eating dinner. And after that, I'm laying in bed, trying desperately to fall asleep. Something about the absence of Gerard keeps me from being happy. Is this bad?


	7. Thank You For The Venom

There's something about musicians that I love. Each time I've been around a musician, I take a particular liking to him or her. Not only that, but I look up to musicians. Like Greg Ginn, the guitarist of Black Flag. If I were to become a guitarist in the music business, I'd want to be more like Greg Ginn rather than Jimmy Paige. So I guess me liking Gerard as much as I do- even though I've only known him for a few days- shouldn't be a surprise. He sings, that's good enough for me.

It's been more than a day since I've seen him, miserably enough. As I sit here on my couch, waiting for his car to pull into my driveway, I can't help but wonder how I've fallen so hard for this stranger. And in such little time. I can feel the empty pit in my stomach where Gerard's presence should be, and I long for it to be filled. As corny as my feelings for him sound, they're true nonetheless.

Ten minutes pass, ten grueling minutes of me waiting for happiness to arrive on my doorstep- literally. I hear car brakes squeaking in my driveway, and Gerard steps out of the beat up Subaru. I hop to my feet quickly and walk to the door. I think Gerard saw me going for the door, because the bell rang before I got to it. He sped up to ring it before I got there. I open the door with a smile, returned by Gerard's.

He takes the initiative to step into the house without an invitation. His arms wrap around my waist in a close, tight hug. I can't help but giggle a little bit as I wrap my arms around his neck. "Well hi there!" I say jokingly.

"Hi," he says, tightening his hold around me.

"Are you gonna spin me around now?" I joke.

"I totally could. Want me to?"

"No, that's alright."

Without warning, my feet are lifted off the ground and I'm spinning in the air. A few seconds and I'm back on my feet, Gerard no longer with his arms around me. "Are you trying to kill me?"

"Maybe." Again, without warning, Gerard's lips are on mine in a sweet kiss. He pulls away and I smile. "Is it working?"

I giggle. "Nope. I think you have to kiss me again."

"Oh yeah? Why's that?"

"Your lips are dangerously toxic to me." I take a seat on the couch.

"Are they now? Then maybe I should. But then again... maybe I don't want to kill you." He sits beside me.

"Gee, shut up and kiss me."

He laughs and kisses me again. And again. And again. Before I know it, there's another makeout session in order. This time isn't as sweet as the first, it's a little more intense. A little more... touchy feely. Gerard's hands are on my waist, except one of them is on my skin. My shirt is a little small, so it rides upward easily. The feeling of his warm hand on my waist send tingles up my spine. I make a very bold move and place my hand on Gerard's thigh. I can feel the muscle flex, most likely tightening from my touch. His hand also tightens it's grip on my waist, and starts to move up my side until it reaches my rib cage. I have to admit, all this sexy touching is giving me a boner. Part of me hopes he notices, and another part prays he doesn't.

Skinny jeans on a guy is like a cheap hotel- there's no ball room whatsoever. So with a boner in skinny jeans... it hurts. Especially if they're the tightest ones in the closet.

I don't know how far he's willing to go, or how far even I'm willing to go. Handies and blow jobs are my limits. I guess guitar-playing fingers come in handy with gay relationships.

I can't explain it, but every touch makes me shiver. Not a bad shiver, but a good, happy, sexy shiver. His hand tightens up on my ribs, and we shift positions. I don't know how it happened, but I'm now laying down on the sofa with Gerard on top of me, his lips still on mine. I almost gasp for air, but I catch it between intense kisses. Gee presses his body on mine, which is when I notice that my shirt is half up my torso. His stomach is warm and soft, not to mention flat.

Things are getting hot when the phone rings. Gee sits up on the couch, and I walk quickly over to the phone.

My mom. She asks me to do some chores and just make sure the house stays clean. I sigh and agree to her terms and hang up. As quick as that conversation may have been, it irritated me. Gerard and I were having a nice moment, then she had to call and fuck everything up. Dammit.

I walk back into the living room to see Gerard, right where I felt him, reading the newspaper. "Let me guess. Comics?" I muse.

He laughs. "No, smart ass. Just looking at the currently playing movies."

"Ooh, Gerard, keep talking smart to me, I like it!" I kid. We laugh, and I sit next to him, keeping close to his side. "Anything good playing?"

"Yeah actually. This new horror film." He tells me the name and what it's about. "Sounds good huh?"

"Yeah, it actually does. Right up my alley too. Too bad I'll probably never get to see it."

"Why won't you ever get to see it?"

"I don't get to see movies that often. I spent all my money paying for half of drivers ed, and it was all birthday money. I don't have a job either."

The news paper hits the coffee table with a light thud and Gerard stands up. "Get your coat and shoes, we're going to the movies."

"What? You're paying for me to see this movie?"

"Yes I am. It sounds too good to miss."

"Aw, thanks Gee!" I stand up and walk to the closet to get my hoodie.

"Anytime. Call it a date."

I turn to Gerard and smile. "A date?" He nods. "I don't think I've ever been on an actual date with anyone. Not even a girl..."

"Really? I always take my partners on dates in the beginning. Even months later. It's just something I'm used to doing."

"That's cute! Thank you." I get my shoes on and wrap my arms around Gerard's waist. Which is easy, because he's four inches taller than me. His arms come around me in a tight hug, followed by a soft kiss on my lips.

"Anytime. Come on, I wanna see this damn movie!" He takes my hand and leads me out the door.

The movie- the name I can't remember- is better than I thought it would be. Horrors and romances normally don't mix, but this film can definitely pull it off. Despite that, it will never add up to the amazing-ness of Dawn of the Dead. In Dawn of the Dead, this couple are desperately in love- more or less- living in England. When zombies threaten to take over the town, they run for their lives, hiding in any building they find. When a zombie bites the woman, she starts the transformation into a zombie, slowly, but neither of them know it. The man fights all the zombies off just to hold her in his arms before she dies, only to find out that she's become what he's just fought away. The guy is forced to shoot the woman he loves in the head. This film is very similar. Only, instead of zombies, there are psychos. And instead of running, they stay in their home and fight that way.

This reminds me of how interesting I find romance. Men, especially. You can't convince them of anything, but you can't go a day without them. Well, _I_ can't.

When the movie draws to a close, we leave the theater in shock from the ending. "Can you fucking believe that they all gone nuked?" Gerard asks.

"No! The writer could have at least let them relocate to the next town over, not have the government blow the whole fucking place up! That's just lazy."

"That's government, Frankie."

"Very true. Let's just get me home, I need to do chores."

"Chores?" he asks. The walk back to the car is wet, as it had started raining during the movie. "Oh, yeah, I almost forgot you're still sixteen."

We laugh. "I figure that since my mom's gone all day working, she wouldn't appreciate coming home to a messy house. It's the least I can do for her."

"That's cute, Frankie. I should do that for my parents..."

We get into the car and Gee starts up the engine. "You should. They appreciate it more than they lead you on to believe, trust me. Especially doing it when they don't even ask you to. Damn, they love that."

"Really? I should. I don't have to, but I should."

"Do it! Does Mikey clean for them?"

"All the time. If something's out of place, he'll usually fix it without being told. That kinda thing bothers him."

"It doesn't bother you?"

"Not really," he replies. "I mean, as long as I can find it when I need it then I'm fine."

I nod and turn the radio up- a good song began. "Some Kinda Hate" by the Misfits filled the car at a decently loud volume.

"What the hell, Frank?"

Have I done something wrong? "What...?"

"You didn't blast the radio!" He turns the radio up so loud that the people in the car next to us turned in our direction.

I let out a sigh of relief. "Oh, okay! I thought I did something wrong." My voice hardly carried over the music, but somehow he heard me.

"You did! The music wasn't loud enough. Frankie, this is great shit. And personally, I'm offended that you didn't blast my speakers the fuck out!"

We laugh in unison, then start singing along with the song. Soon enough, it ends and Black Flag's "Revenge" starts. Gee turns the music up even louder and starts belting out the words just as loudly as the radio, if not louder. I sing along just as loudly, and then begins a fucking singing soiree of note clusters and epic vocal-guitar solos. It's the most fun I've had in forever!

I listen closely to Gerard's voice. It's amazing. Not like what I'm used to- rough, edgy and deep. It's high, but still low like a guy's voice should be. The notes he can hit are amazing too. Not just that, but he can hold those notes for a long time! There aren't words for the bitter beauty that is Gerard Way's voice. Every song we sang on the way home blew me the fuck away. I told him how much I love his voice, and all he said was thanks. I explained why it's so amazing, and still only said thanks. He insists we talk about something else, but I'll get back at it some other time. I'm determined for him to know what I think about his voice and for him to know it's true.

Once we arrive at home, Gerard offers to help me do my chores. Sweep, vacuum, make sure everything's where it belongs, all that great shit. My mom comes home early, without warning, just to see Gerard sitting on the couch as I put the last few plates in the dishwasher.

I can only imagine what she thought. She was most likely about to run to the neighbors to call 911, but I walked into the living room before she got the chance. "Hey Frank. Who's your friend?"

Gerard gets on his feet and walks toward my mom. "Mom, this is Gerard. Gerard, this is my mom, Linda."

He extends his hand for my mom's- she's a bit wary at first, but takes it into hers in a light handshake and a smile. "It's very nice to meet you Gerard!"

"You too, Ms...?" He waits for my mom to fill in the blank of her last name.

"Just call me Linda, honey."

Their hands break. "Well, nice to meet you too, Linda!" Gerard Way, you huge ass-kisser, you. He just scored some major points with my mom.

"I'm glad. Do your parents know you're here?" How did I know that was coming?

"Yeah, I left a note for them."

"Good! With that being said, would you like to stay for dinner? It's always nice getting to know Frank's friends over dinners. I plan on making spaghetti tonight."

I smile. My mom approves! To keep this going, I decide that it would be best not to tell her that Gerard and I are a couple. She doesn't exactly know that I like guys yet... being catholic and having a bisexual son might not go so well with her. I'll tell her eventually, just not right now.

"I'd love to! Thank you, Linda."

"It's my pleasure." She leaves for the kitchen and starts to concoct our dinner.

Gerard and I sit on the couch. I scoot closer and take his cold hand in mine. "Gee, I think it's best if we don't tell my mom we're dating." I make sure to speak in a quiet voice so mom doesn't hear us.

"What?" He looks a bit offended. "Why not?"

"We're a catholic family and I don't know how she'll react, it's got nothing to do with you."

"Oh, okay." He sighs a sigh of relief.

"Yeah. And even if she would take it well, she'd never let you come over on the weekends and over night and shit. Which I was gonna ask you about, by the way."

"Ask me what?"

I'm suddenly nervous and I don't know why. "If you'd want to come spend the weekend over here. My mom's working every day and I get lonely."

"Of course! I was actually gonna ask if you wanted to spend the weekend at my house."

I laugh. "Then it's settled!"

"Yep. I'll have to come over on Saturday, I'm going to my grandmother's on Friday again."

"Okay, as long as you come over."

We stay on the couch while my mom cooks, chatting about her cooking skills. It has to be hard, cooking for a vegetarian when you yourself like meat.

A quick half hour later and my mom calls the two of us to the kitchen. "Both of you set up your plates and take a seat."

We arrange our plates and sit. I decide to side beside Gee and across from mom, to save him as much as I can from her curious eyes. She always assesses my friends when I bring them over. Not just observing, but looking for something, most likely a flaw of any kind.

I dig into my food as soon as I get comfortable, as does Gerard. "Linda, this is delicious!" Gerard insists.

Mom smiles from ear to ear. "Thank you very much! It's just noodles and homemade sauce."

"It's still delicious."

"Frank, I like this one." We all laugh joyfully. "Gerard, would you mind my asking how are you are? You look older than a high school student."

"No, not at all. I'm nineteen."

"Oh, I see! What college do you go to?"

"I'm not attending college, right now. I have one in mind though."

"What would that be?"

Gerard has plans for college? That's news to me, he never told me that before. Part of me is sad that he may not be around very much longer. "The School of Visual Arts," he says.

"Visual arts, huh? Where is that?" Why is mom asking so many questions?

"New York. My goal if I go to the school is get a Bachelors in fine arts."

"That's quite a goal! I hope it all works out well, that would be quite an accomplishment."

"Thank you, I'll need all the luck I can get."

"I trust you'll do well."

"Thanks!" Why did Gee never tell me? I would've been proud! Did he think I'd worry about him leaving? He's right think that, but still.

My boyfriend and mom continue chatting about colleges and things, and I decide to jump in. The three way conversation lasts until dinner is over with, And Gerard announces that he has to leave. I walk him outside to kiss him goodbye. Sooner than I think, Gerard is gone and I'm all alone to shower and sleep.

I still can't help but wonder how I fell for this guy so hard and so quickly! Normally it takes me weeks to get into someone like I'm into Gerard, maybe even months. I fell for him within _days_. Is it his physical appearance? Well, that's part of it, but not all. The rest has to be his personality. Either that or he's venomous. Certainly not the kind of venom that kills, just severely wounds. But I feel wounded without it.


	8. The Throws Of Passion

I wake to the feeling of warmth on my back. I left my head up out of my pillow and turn to see Gerard, laying in bed with me. "Did I wake you up?" His voice makes my heart skip a beat or two.

"Kinda..." I turn over onto my back and rub my eyes.

"I'm sorry, I tried to be sneaky." Gee stays on his side and puts his elbow on the pillow, propping his head up with his hand.

"It's okay I guess..." I glance at the clock, 9:38. He said that he would come over on Saturday, but I didn't know he meant early Saturday. "It's early..." M y voice is groggy and tired-sounding.

"Do you want to go back to sleep?"

"No... okay, maybe..." Sleep sounds nice right now.

He laughs. "Go to sleep, baby." Baby? He's never called me baby before... I like it. I nod and start to turn away, when Gerard's hand slides across my stomach and pulls onto my back again again. He rests his head on my chest with his arm around me. "But only if I can lay with you."

I smile the biggest smile ever- or something close to it. I kiss the top of his head and smooth his hair down with my hand. "Of course you can, Gee."

He giggles and I sigh, longing for sleep. The moment I close my eyes, I'm in my post dream state. I never get any further than that, unfortunately. Hours later I'm still awake, yet dreaming. By the time I open my eyes, I've forgotten what happened in the dream entirely.

I look down at Gerard, I can see that his eyes are closed, and he's sleeping peacefully on my chest. I smile and let him sleep for another hour until 11:00. All the while, my mind is like a ticking time bomb of thoughts and ideas. Mikey had finally returned on Friday after nearly a week of being sick, only to be flooded in work. I think about my upcoming seventeenth birthday, wondering what I'll do to celebrate. My hopes are just a small party with friends- all two of them,- my parents and grandfather, maybe even my great uncle. I just want everything to be fun and comfortable for Mikey and Gerard. Even at the party I still won't tell my family about us. That won't last forever, I hope.

The day continues at an unplanned rate. We get some coffee, go have some cigarettes outside in the frisk, October air. "That tee shirt looks a little thin Frank. You should be wearing at least a sweatshirt."

"Nah, I'm fine," I insist, taking another drag from my cigarette. The nicotine makes my body feel warmer than it actually is. Gerard sighs, takes his leather jacket off and put it over my shoulders without a word. "I said I was fine, Gee! Now you're gonna get cold."

"Better me than you," he smiles.

"Thanks baby." I lean and kiss his lips softly.

"Anytime."

A few minutes of silence pass, and I decide to break it. "So... my birthday is coming up, and since it's my sixteenth, I bet my mom will have a party for me of some sort, and I want you to be the first person I invite."

Light brighten his face with a smile. "When is it?"

"Halloween."

He hesitates. "You were born on October 31st?"

"Yeah," I laugh.

"That's so badass! What are you doing for a celebration?"

"Well I was hoping just a small get together with family and friends. You and Mikey being the only friends, basically."

He laughs. "Well I can say on Mikey's behalf that we're honored and we'll go."

"Good!" Now all I have to do is ask my mom.

We finish our cigarettes and go up to my room. To my surprise, Gerard pushes me over onto the bed. I'm caught by even more surprise when I'm on my back with Gerard over me. "Hi there, Gee."

"Hi!" His smile is so sexy it's unbelievable. His lips are on mine in a New York minute, kissing frantically. I have no idea how long we madeout like that for. Without warning, Gee's hands are on my waist, sliding upward, dragging the shirt along with them. I reach for his shirt, longing so badly for him to just take it the fuck off. I have no idea what's come over me, but all I want right now is to do dirty things to Gerard. I pull the shirt off and run my hands down his chest and his flat stomach, then up his smooth back to his shoulders. His kisses get hotter when I run my fingers through his long black hair and tug a little bit. Gee pulls me up into a sitting position by the shirt, turning me on even more. He pulls my shirt over my head and throws it to the ground, and I can see clearly in Gerard's eyes what he wants from me. My back hits the bed again, and Gee's lips are on my neck. A feeling of almost-ecstasy rushes through my body, and I can't help but let out a quiet moan. I feel Gerard's lips smiling against my neck, and the kissing continues, eventually turning into biting on my neck and my ear. My fingers clench into claws on Gee's back, my nails digging and scratching into his skin deeper and harder with every bite, but it turns him on more and more. His teeth bite down on my skin at just the right pressure point to make me moan out loud with no way of holding it in. His lips leave my neck and start kissing their way down my torso to my pant line, then he stops. But god, I wish he hadn't. He comes back up to my lips, kissing them vigorously again. With no warning, I feel a tight squeeze on my crotch- Gerard's hand groping me. The adrenaline takes over my body and my hand goes on top of his with lightning speed and dominance, making him grope me harder. With the other hand I'm gripping his hair, keeping his lips to mine with no wiggle room to get away. Before I know it, my pants are off of my body and on the floor. Gerard starts going down on me, and we fall into the throws of fiery passion.

"Dinner!" my mom calls to Gerard and I. We make our way down to the kitchen to make our plates. Sitting in the same order as always, I glance at Gee with a smile, which he returns so happily.

Dinner starts off quiet, until I break the silence. "Mom, I think I know what I wanna do for my birthday party..." If you even wanna call it a party.

"Yeah? What's that?"

"A small party with Dad, you, me, Mikey and Gerard. You can invite Uncle Anthony if you want, I don't really care."

She smiles. "I think I can make that work. You pick the day."

"I'll check to see when it's best for the guys," I nod to Gerard, "then I'll let you know."

"Okay, I'll check in with your father too."

"Cool." She nods and we continue dinner- quiet once more. We do nothing but eat this time, which is no surprise with my mom. I steal a quick couple of glances at the Gerard, hardly able to keep myself from smiling. I've never felt as close to him as this. I feel like anything and everything is free to be said and heard by him and I, even if it were already possible before. It's like I have nothing to hide. He's seen me at my best and my most vulnerable. Not just mentally, but physically as well. Last night he showed me his all- literally- and I trust him not to do what one of my ex girlfriends did. She decided it would be nice to take my virginity, then tell everyone how I was nervous about not satisfying her, then fabricate a little bit to make it seem like I was bad in bed. That sex was amazing, I think I was great in bed! I trust Gee not to do anything like that to me. I had enough trust last night to go beyond my limits with him, and the best part is that I didn't regret it, and I still don't the following day. My life is finally falling into place, and I doubt anything can rip it apart again.

After dinner, Gerard and I decide to get ice cream for desert at Cold Stone. We waste no time, hop into his car, and go. Only a few minutes later, we arrive at the best ice cream shop around. We order our ice cream cones and head back towards the car, when Gerard's voice startles me. "No way... Toro!" He waves his hand in the air, trying to get someone's attention. A guy a few cars-distance away turns towards us, smiling and waving back, an ice cream cone in one hand, napkin in the other. The first thing I notice is the large fro atop his head. It's light brown and large, not much more to say about it. He's wearing a Metallica tee shirt and regular pants with a leather jacket.

He approaches us with a large smile, and gives Gerard a big, friendly hug, carefully maneuvering so he doesn't lose his ice cream. "It's been so long! Learn to pick up the phone every once in a while."

Gerard laughs and breaks away from the hug with a large smile. "Sorry man, I've been so busy with my grandma lately and trying to find a job... but that's no excuse. Let me introduce you to my boyfriend. Ray, this is Frank. Frank, this is Ray Toro, a long-time friend of mine. But I just call him Toro."

I extend my hand to shake Ray's, and he takes it with a wide smile. "Boyfriend? It's about time you found someone, I'm happy for you guys! Nice to meet you, man."

"You too, and thanks!" I end the hand shake and dig into my ice cream some more, as do Gerard and Ray.

"Hey Frank, how old are you?"

The random questions catches me a little off guard. "Uhh, sixteen, why?"

"I was just curious, you look older than that," he muses.

"I've gotten that before," I state to him.

Ray turns quickly to Gerard, pointing an accusing finger at him. "_You,_ my friend, need to call me and we need to go see some local band or _something._ I feel like we never see each other anymore!"

"I know, I know," Gerard starts. "I wanted to call a few days ago, then my grandma needed help with something... she's sick right now and can't do much."

"That's understandable, but still."

"I know, I'll pick up the phone and call you more often."

"Thank you! I miss hangin out with you, man."

"Same... Let's go to a concert sometime. Deal?"

"Deal. You can come too, Frank. We won't exclude you that quickly!" His smile makes me smile, it's a lovely smile!

I laugh delightfully. "Thanks, I'll keep my eyes and ears open for upcoming shows."

"Good idea, me too." Gerard nods in agreement to Ray.

We talk for a little while longer, then we decide to go back to my house. After a few hours of talking and watching TV, we decide it would be a good time to go to sleep. We get into our usual sleeping states, sweatpants and no shirts, and curl up into bed together. I make sure to keep Gerard's arms around me tight- it makes me feel safe knowing that he's here to hold me. I give him a quick kiss goodnight and cuddle up in his chest.

"Frankie?" I groan quietly in response. "Frankie, I need to tell you something."

"Mm... what?" I was just about in my post-dream state when he interrupted, so if he's expecting intelligent words from me, he can keep dreaming.

"I love you." The words are as clear as day.

My eyes snap open and I raise my head to look at the man who spoke those three incredible words, still unsure if I even heard him _correctly._ "What did you just say?"

"I love you. And I'm not just saying that. I mean it."

Speechless and totally taken over by emotion, I press my lips to his without any waning, even for myself, and stay there in a long, passionate kiss. I slowly pull away once the kiss is done. "I love you too Gee..." As soon as the words leave my mouth, butterflies fill my stomach and pleasant chills cover my body. I don't regret the words, or doubt them. They're the most meaningful as anything I've ever said.

Gerard smiles a huge, excited, gorgeous, and loving smile, unable of very many words, I'm guessing- like me- and says, "Good..." He kissed me softly again. "I'm glad I got that off my chest. Now go to sleep."

Still unable to speak very well, I nod and rest my head on his chest again, fighting my eyelids until they closed. Before, all I wanted to do was sleep. But now, after being told by the most gorgeous man on the planet that he loves me, all I desire is to kiss him forever. Am I the only one who gets that way, or is that a normal thing?


	9. Strums and Hopes

6:03 PM, October 31st. Just about the time the party is scheduled to start. So far it's just my mom and I, waiting for everyone to get here. Everyone was told to RSVP, which thankfully they all did.

The doorbell rings and I have a gut feeling of who it might be. I'm on my way to the door when it opens, and my dad walks into the house, as welcomed and excited as ever. My suspicions were right, and I couldn't be happier. "Hey, dad!"

"Happy birthday, Frank!" His voice booms over the faded music in the background, and his arms come around me in a lung-crushing hug. He's not too built of a man, he just missed me I guess.

"Thanks... can't breathe, dad."

His hold lets up and air fills my lungs again like water in a cup. "Sorry kid. You're seventeen now! And still short... you haven't grown at all," he jokes.

"Thanks! You're still short too," I muse. My family are all pretty short, I'm not even the shortest, and I'm 5'3.

"Yeah, well, that's the way it is. I brought your gift!"

He holds up a large package that's almost four feet off the ground standing straight up. I can't possibly imagine what's in it- let alone how much it might have cost, whatever the hell it is. "That's a big present. Now I kinda can't wait to see what it is," I laugh.

"Trust me, you'll love it. Where are your friends?"

"They're not here yet, I also only invited three."

"Three? You only have three friends?" I nod.

Our conversation is interrupted when the door bell rings. I end the conversation without another word when I turn my back to welcome whoever has arrived. I open the door to see Gerard, Mikey and Ray standing at on the frigid porch. "Hey guys! Thanks for coming!" I move out of the way to let my guests inside, while also notice my father particularly eying Ray's hair. No surprise. Everybody files into the house and I decide this would be a great time to do introductions. "Dad, this is Gerard, Mikey, and Ray." I be sure to point each person out, because knowing dad, he'll never know which one is which if I don't. "Guys, this is my dad." They all do their little introduction waves and mumbled greetings and dad returns to the kitchen with mom.

Gerard and I share a special glance, sort of a romantic kind of greeting using just the eyes. It lasts for a moment until Mikey clears his throat to call my attention towards everyone rather than only Gerard. I snap out of my haze and give my attention to the whole group.

After an hour of talking amongst the guys and me, my parents walk into the living room with giant smiles on their faces, kind of like they're up to no good. I become concerned almost immediately. "Guys... what's going on?"

Mom's voice rises a few excited octaves when she speaks. "It's time to open your presents!"

I sigh; I've never really been much of a gift person, because sometimes I feel guilty, I don't even know why. "Okay, bring it on."

"Boys, did Frank tell you not to get him anything?" They all nod their heads. "I thought he would."

"Well I don't want anything! They don't have to get me gifts, mom." I know arguing with her is pointless, but it has to be done.

"We're aware of that," dad cuts in, "but still, it's your loss, son. Here," he picks up a large box with red and white wrapping paper. "Open your mother's gift first." He hands me the large, heavy package.

I sit down with the package in my lap, ready to rip the wrapping paper off. Everyone else sits around the living room, ready to watch me reveal the contents of my gifts. I notice Mikey's smug smile. "Do you know what it is?"

"Maybe." I give him 'the look' and he confesses. "Okay yeah. Your mom called and asked for my opinion on what you would want... specifically."

I become anxious to know what gift my parents got me and start ripping the paper away from the box until it's gone. I turn the box so I can read it, and my eyes almost bug out of my skull. 'Fender Amplifier.' I mutter, "oh my god," realizing that I don't own an electric guitar. Yet. I put the box on the floor gently and reach for dad's present, almost certain of what it is. Excitement fills my entire body and gives me chills when he hands the next package to me with a huge grin from ear to ear. I notice that everyone is smiling, but I don't ask questions. I waste no time with the wrapping paper on my second gift, tearing it away quickly. Revealed under the paper is a hard, black, plastic case. Not just any plastic case, a guitar case. Not the kind of guitar case that fits the guitar curve by sanded curve, but a rectangular one. My heart races and I look up at my father with a hopeful smile, which he returns with an even bigger grin than before. I unhook the three latches on the case and open it, revealing my first ever and very own electric guitar. The gorgeous Fender Stratocaster shines in the light, the red and white color scheme practically glowing. Examining the beauty inside the case, I'm sort of afraid to touch it from fear of harming it in some way. The case has an extra set of strings tucked away inside, along with some guitar picks and a manual. "Oh my god, it's perfect!" I look up at my parents with the biggest smile on my face that I can't wipe away. "It's the best gift I've ever gotten!" I put the case on the floor and tackle dad in a tight hug. "It's amazing, thank you so much!" I can't believe it, my own electric guitar!

He laughs and returns the hug. "You're welcome, kid. Now you have to play us some songs on it."

"Right now?" Excitement soaks out of my pores like sweat.

"If you want, then yeah."

At nearly the speed of light, I have the amp plugged into the wall, the gorgeous guitar plugged into the amp, and my fingers in place, ready to go. "What should I play?" I ask my small crowd of five.

"Well what do you know?" Ray asks.

I list the songs I know how to play, and Mikey nearly jumps out of his seat. "Play 'Rise Above'!"

A giant smile hits my face, and I start strumming to the chords of Black Flag's amazing song. I mess up only once or twice here and there, because the sound of this glorious instrument takes me aback with every note. It's so much more different than an acoustic, that's for sure. A few of the screw ups weren't related to the guitar or the song at all. Every few notes I would steal a quick glance at Gerard, just because knowing that he's watching makes me nervous- just to make sure he's satisfied and smiling. I want to impress him, I want him to think of me in the highest manor possible, I want him to be proud of me. I think it would be cool for him to be able to say, "my boyfriend's a badass guitarist." Not only does it make myself feel good, but maybe Gee will be more impressed with my talent.

The song draws to a faded close and my small audience claps for me. I can feel myself blushing a little bit, but I really don't care. "Thanks guys. And thank you mom and dad for this _amazing_ gift! I really don't know what to say."

"Just say thank you, honey," mom insists.

"I don't think that's the proper term for how thankful I really am."

Mom chuckles. "You're welcome, Frank."

"Well lady and gentlemen," mom shoots him a tired look, he chuckles. "Who's hungry?"

We eat and chat for an hour until we get bored of my parent's watchful eyes, and decide to go to the basement. I have a pretty sweet setup down there- a TV, record player, and couch. It's also carpeted and heated down there, so it will feel more like a living room and less like a basement. On our way down the hallway to the basement door, Gerard nudges me. I turn to him with curious eyes. "What?"

"Can I talk to you alone?" I can tell this isn't a bad thing, the corners of his mouth are almost forming a smile that he's struggling to keep away.

"Uh, sure. Hey guys, we'll meet you down there," I address to the guys. They both give me a strange look, but shrug it off and start racing down the basement stairs.

Gerard pulls me aside into the bathroom and closes the door, locking it behind him. I open my mouth to ask what's going on, but I'm interrupted when his lips are on mine in a deep, passionate kiss. Without thinking, I wrap my arms around his neck and tangle my fingers in his hair with hopes he won't stop. Gerard places his hands on my waist without hesitation and dips his tongue into my mouth for a sexier kiss.

All too soon, he pulls away and smiles. "Happy birthday, baby."

My cheeks fill with color before I can respond, I avoid his gaze by looking down at my feet until the blush goes away. "Thanks, but it's only just another day."

He sighs and lifts my head up by my chin with his finger, looking down at me with a smile. "It's the day you turn seventeen. To me that's the most important day of the year." I smile and plant a quick kiss on my gorgeous boyfriend. "I have something for you."

"I told you not to get me anything!"

"Well, tough! I found it in my drawer and thought you'd like it more than I do. I wasn't planning on getting you anything but when I found it, I just had to." I sigh. "Ready?"

I nod, and Gerard reaches into his pocket for my gift. He takes my left hand with his right one and removes it from around his neck, sliding a cold piece of metal onto my ring finger. My heart flutters slightly as I look at the shiny silver ring, examining it, turning it with my fingers and watching it shine in the light. It's stainless steel, I can tell just by looking at it. In the metal are tiny engraved music notes, precisely done down to every detail. "Gerard, I love it!" He smiles and kisses the top of my head. "Thank you, it's great.".

"You're welcome, babe." I don't know what it is about him calling me babe or baby that I love so much, but every time he does I get slight chills. "Let's go downstairs with the guys now so they don't think I raped you or something."

I chuckle and we make our way to the basement. Ray and Mikey have made themselves comfortable on the ends of the couch and began a conversation about they're favorite musicians. Gerard walks over and sits between them, leaving no room for me to sit. I shrug my shoulders and lay myself out on top of their laps, none of them complaining or even phased. My head is propped up on Mikey's arm, my waist on Gerard's lap- which is perfectly fine with me- and my feet just barely reach Ray. I stretch myself out and get comfy, allowing the guys to accommodate their arms over my body.

The conversation continues. "I think Kirk Hammet of Metallica has serious talent," Ray claims.

We all nod in agreement. "So do you," Mikey tells Ray. "You could probably play just as well as he can."

Ray sighs. "Oh, stop. No I couldn't."

"Yes you could, don't fuckin deny it!" Gerard insists, pointing a finger at him.

"No! I've been in a band before and we played lots of their songs. Trust me, I can't play like that, he's too genius."

Gerard and I hung out with Ray a week ago at the Way residence, as I like to call it, and I learned lots of shit about the amazing fro. One of those things being that he plays guitar like a pro, better than me. I've never heard him play before, but if Gerard and Mikey both think he can kick ass at Kirk Hammet's riffs, then it _must_ be true.

"Who were you in a band with?" Gerard asks. Whoever they were, he must know them since he's much closer in age to Ray than Mikey and I.

"Tony, Matt, and Adam, but we were only a band for like, a two or three months."

Gerard nodded, meaning that he must know them. "Why'd you break up, so to speak?"

"Tony and Adam didn't get along very well, and Matt got so sick of it that he left. I knew the band wasn't gonna go anywhere from then on so I ditched, and that was that."

He laughs and then sighs. "That doesn't surprise me."

"Didn't you take part in some band a few months ago with that senior at my school?" Mikey cut into the conversation. "I heard him talking about you during lunch once."

Gee looked at Mikey with a confused expression. "No, I was just helping him write a song."

"Ohh..."

"Wait," I interrupted. "You write songs?"

The confused look left Gee's gorgeous face and is replaced by a smile and slightly red cheeks. "Sometimes... when I feel like venting or something... But they aren't all that great."

"Oh come on, I bet they're amazing. You should sing us a song, baby!" Mikey's eyes dart to me for a second, he was clearly taken aback by me calling Gerard baby.

Gee laughs. "Not right now, Frankie."

"Dammit. Doesn't matter, we all know you're a great singer, anyways." Mikey and Ray nod in a agreement with me. "People would be killing each other to get you to join their band."

"If you say so."

Excitement and wonder fill Ray's eyes, and a smile reaches across his face. "Guys, I have an idea." He just stares at us, smiling, saying nothing else. Also rearranging his body so he looks like he's prepared for a football to be thrown at him, hands up in front of his torso. Gerard and Mikey and I all share creeped glances.

"Yes...?" Gerard asks warily.

"We should start a _band!_" The word 'band' a lot more emphasize then it actually needed.

I have to admit, it's a pretty good idea. The last band I was in didn't go so well, nor did it last very long. This band would have promise, because we're all friends and get along without question.

"We could," Gerard starts in, "but we'd have no drummer."

"I know someone from school who's a drummer! She's looking for a band to join right now too..." Mikey suggests.

"Who?" I ask. I have all the same friends as Mikey and I was never made aware of this by the person.

"My girlfriend..." is all he says in response.

We all stare at Mikey in shock. "_Girlfriend?_" Gerard asks in amazement.

"Yeah... her name is Sam." Red fills Mikey's cheeks.

"Isn't that the girl you brought home like a month ago?" Gerard asks. Mikey nodded. "I like that girl, she seems like a good person. Why didn't you tell me that you started dating her?"

He shrugs. "I don't know. I have been for a month."

"You're dating _Sam?_ Seriously, why didn't you tell us this?" I demand.

"I'm guessing this is a big deal," Ray assumes.

"Yes, this is a very big deal! Sam is a fuckin babe, funny, smart and downright awesome. And I can't stress enough that she's a fuckin babe. She's like, the perfect musician in female form. One of my good friends, actually. Then out of nowhere I find out that Mikey's dating her! This is a fuckin ginormous deal!"

Ray only nods in response, probably not sure what to say after my rant. "Well, now that the drummer thing is cleared up, what do you guys think? Mikey could ask his girlfriend to join, if she says yes, then we can all hook up and start a fuckin band!" We all agree to join this potential band with enthusiasm and positive thoughts. All we can do is talk about how awesome we'll be when we play and how exciting it's gonna be. There's no negativity, no potential ideas of how the group may split. There's something about starting a band with my boyfriend, best friend, and two other good friends that seems so appealing.

The rest of the evening goes perfectly, without a hitch. We talk about how fun this band could be, among other things. We congradulate Mikey nearly nonstop about his girlfriend. She's a great girl and nearly perfect for him. The guys force me to play more songs on my new guitar, which I happily oblige to. All too soon, it's a little after nine o'clock, time for my friends and my dad to leave. Pulling Gerard aside into the bathroom like he had done to me earlier in the evening, I give him a quick goodbye kiss before allowing him to leave. Hugging and thanking Ray and Mikey for coming, and tackling dad in a bear hug, they all leave to go home and continue with their lives. Today has been a really good day, pretty much my best birthday I've ever had.

There's so much to look forward to. The possibility of starting a band with my friends- with my new electric guitar around my shoulders, seeing Gerard nearly everyday, and just being around the amazing people that I call my friends; They all seems like amazing things to look forward to in the near future.


	10. How Much You Mean To Me

Five days ago today, I got the best present I could ever hope to receive. Ever since I got my guitar, I couldn't put it down. A few weeks ago, I got the best boyfriend anyone could ever hope to receive. Since we started dating, I can't stop thinking about him. He's literally the only thing I can think of, and every time I hear a song on the radio that he likes, all I can hear is his voice, singing along with it like he does when he's driving. I haven't seen Gerard since my party because his grandmother needed help again, which is killing me. I get to see Mikey at school, but he's not my boyfriend, so it's not as exciting.

It's after school right now, and Mikey and Sam and I are walking to my house, where Gerard and Ray will be meeting us to discuss the band. Sam agreed to join as long as the practices could be at her house, since that's where he drums are, and those are too much of a hassle to move from house to house.

Mikey and Sam are holding hands as they walk, only making me miss Gerard even more and feel lonely. My heart speeds up as I anticipate seeing him walk through my door in all his perfection. Too much thinking about him will make this feeling worse, so I try to block it out with a conversation. "You guys are adorable," I confess to the lovely couple.

Sam blushes. "Thanks, Frankie. I don't see you holding hands with your boyfriend." The thought brings a frown to my formerly smiling lips. She must have noticed. "Did something happen?"

"No," I say quickly. "He's just not here, is all."

"Oh," is all she says in response.

My attempt at conversation doesn't last very long... we fall into a painful silence again. The reason is most likely because Mikey is so awkward to begin with, and not having privacy with Sam makes it worse.

Soon we arrive at my house. When I turned the corner into my driveway, I was hoping to see Gee's car, but there was only an empty parking spot. We walk into the house and get comfy on the couch, and Mikey and Sam are still holding hands. I see real potential for them, she seems like the right girl for him. After ten long minutes of waiting, a car pulls into my driveway and comes to a squeaky stop. Every time I hear that sound I know who's here, because Gerard's breaks sound like hell. I get out of my seat, leaving Mikey and Sam with their conversation about cats- why they're talking about cats is beyond me.  
I reach the door with anticipation and open it. Gerard stands there with his fist up, about to knock, and his smile reaches from ear to ear. "Frankie!" he says happily, tackling me in a tight hug that nearly knocks me off my feet. I wrap my arms around his neck instinctively, pressing myself against his chest. I can feel Mikey and Sam staring at us, but I don't give a fuck. And since I don't give a fuck, I tangle my fingers in his Gerard's hair and guide his lips to mine for a long and passionate kiss. Sooner than I wanted, our lips part and he presses his forehead to mine and whispers, "I missed you."

I can't help but giggle to myself as I stare into his gorgeous eyes. "I missed you too, Gee."

Interrupting our romantic moment, Mikey purposely clears his throat. Gerard sighs and plants a quick peck on my lips before breaking our embrace and going to hang up his coat. Damn, Mikey really knows how to ruin moments. I'll get him back for that one.

Moments after our romantic embrace, a loud knock fills my ears and I go into auto pilot and open the door. Ray greets me and enters the house, his eyes immediately landing on Sam. And I can see why. She's gorgeous, not to mention she dresses the same as the rest of us. Her artificially dark red hair rests on her shoulders, shining brightly in the light coming from the window. Her pale skin helps to make her bright, light blue eyes pop, the very first thing you notice about her. Aside from physical features, she wears awesome clothes. Band shirts and skinny jeans with converse, not to mention her leather jacket, which is identical to Gerard's. They must have gotten them from the same place. She fits right in with all of us, and that will take her pretty far. She has an awesome personality too, she's kinda like one of the guys. She's not weak like most girls at our school, but she's not too butchy or too tough. But she's definitely tough for a girl. If you were to insult her, I'm sure she'll happily punch you the fuck out. She can take criticism like it's nobodies business, and she can joke around like one of the guys.

Ray, being the gentleman that he is, smiles and waves to Sam and introduces himself. "Hey, I'm Ray."

Sam smiles, eying his fro. "I'm Sam, nice to meet you!"

"You too! And yes, it is real.," he says, noticing her wandering eyes.

Sam giggles and looks away. "Sorry, it's just so awesome."

We all laugh. "Thanks," he says, going to sit next to Mikey on the couch. "I've been told though that it's overly large."

Sam just laughs and doesn't respond. Gerard has taken his spot in the arm chair, leaving no room for me to sit, yet again. I casually walk over to the chair and sit in his lap, and he wraps his arms around my waist to hold me there. Nobody really cares, nor do I think they noticed. Ray casually starts off the conversation.

"So, we're really doing this band thing, huh?" Happiness is so clear on his face.

We all nod in response. "As long as the practices can be in my garage," Sam says hopefully. "I talked to my parents about it, and they said they're okay with us practicing and hanging around at my house as long as my mom talks to you guys' parents."

Mikey asks, "Why?"

"Four guys, one girl. Do the math."

"Ohh..." is all he says. He was probably hoping to get some action with her, that little fuck. I can't help but wonder if they've had sex yet- I'll ask Mikey about it eventually, when we're alone.

"Mikey," I start, a sense of mischief in my voice. He looks at me with worry in his eyes, knowing exactly what's coming. "You seem disappointed. Were you hoping you'd get some _alone time_ with your lady?" I raise my eyebrows when I say 'alone time,' and Mikey's cheeks turn a little pink.

"No," he mumbles.

Sam turns to him with a serious expression. "You weren't?"

Mikey's face turns into terror, and Ray and Gerard and I start laughing. "Well, no- fuck, I mean kinda- but not really, I- I mean, oh forget it." Sam giggles and lightly kisses his lips, and Gerard does the sexy whistle. We all laugh as Mikey flips us all off, still kissing Sam. The kiss ends, and Mikey looks way too proud of himself.

Throughout the rest of the time we spend huddled together in my living room, we talk, throw stuff at each other every now and then, just fool around. We eventually get around to discussing band stuff, like style, sound, and name. We draw an aggravating blank on the band name, and decide to think about it for a few days, then get back to it. I have no doubt that Gerard will be the one to come up with it, he's hands down the most creative of all of us. We waste no more time and set a date for band practices. Since most of us have school, we decide it would be best to have practice on Saturdays, because Ray has to work on Sundays at the music store, selling everything from CD's to guitars and guitar equipment.

When we're talking about Ray's job, Gerard mentions that he's currently searching for a job and needs one fast. As soon as those words leave his mouth, I can feel dread washing over me like a wave. It was overwhelming, but not enough to freak me out too much. I know it's wrong, but I don't want him to get a job. He needs one, he can't live with his parents forever, but I still don't want him to. He'll be busy all the time if he gets a job, I might not be able to see him often. I already have trouble staying away from him for a day. He's all I think about now. And if he's working for hours while I'm stuck at home thinking about him... that could fuck up my head.

Still sitting sideways in Gerard's lap with his arms around my waist, I casually glance at him, taking in his face. He seems a lot happier today than he normally is, the constant smile confirms it. For the first time, I notice that he smells wonderful! I lean in a little bit to smell him again, and looks at me with a confused look on his face.

"What?" I laugh.

The confusion stays there, clear as day. "Are you _sniffing_ me?" he asks.

Everyone stops and looks at me, waiting for an answer. I can feel the blood rushing to my face as I answer, "...maybe..." He, and everyone else, start to laugh at me and I can't help but laugh along. "You smell so good!"

"Thanks babe, new cologne," he says, still laughing.

"Well, you need more of it, cause it smells fucking amazing." I lean in again to smell his neck, less inconspicuously this time. I take the scent in, unable to dictate what it is. Deciding I don't really care, I steal a kiss on Gerard's cheek and Ray goes, "awww," knowing I get embarrassed.

I feel kinda bad for Ray now, Sam and I are snuggling and getting close to our boyfriends, while Ray has no one to hold onto. "God, Ray," I start. "We gotta find you a girlfriend." He sighs and shakes his head, the fro flowing freely with the movement. "Why not? You seem so lonely."

"Not really, I like being single. I'm free to do whatever I want and play guitar whenever I want."

"Not to mention go to concerts whenever you want," Gerard adds, and Ray nods. "Usually being with someone means you have to make sure it's okay with them that you go, and you have to be courteous enough to ask if they wanna go with you."

"You've put a lot of thought into this, haven't you?" I ask.

"Kinda, but it's also obvious. The next time Ray and I wanna see a band I'll ask you if you want to join us because I'm just nice like that." I laugh. "If I had known you when we saw the Smashing Pumpkins then I would've asked."

"I'll keep that in mind." I notice that Mikey and Sam aren't saying much, they're too preoccupied watching their own intertwined fingers fidgeting with the others hand.

Ray notices this too and decides to try and involve them into the conversations we're having. "Hey Frank, you should show Sam your new guitar."

I smile widely and jump out of my seat in Gee's lap, walking happily to my room to get it. I return to the living room with my guitar in my hands, no case or amp. A huge smile cover's Sam's face when she sees it. "That's beautiful! Was it a birthday gift?"

"From my dad. The amp was from my mom."

"It's awesome!" The happiness on her face wasn't nearly as evident as mine, though. "Hey, I gotta ask. Why are we using two guitars in this band? Isn't one enough?"

Gerard decides to speak up. "It kinda fills the silence that would draw us downward."

"Yeah," Ray agrees. "With two guitars instead of one, we can have more intense solos and better ruffs and beats. It may drown the bass out a little, but it'll still be there to set the low beats, which is kinda what sets the song."

She nods, unsure. I decide to translate into words that she's more likely to understand. "It makes the music sound better and cooler."

She smiles and says, "ohhh, okay."

We all laugh at Sam, and I suddenly find myself wondering about the songs we'll write. "Babe?" Gee looks at me. I fucking love it when he looks at me. "Have you written any new songs lately that we can use?"

"Nope, and I haven't written anything else that's good enough."

"Oh, okay. Keep writing okay? We'll need a good set of lyrics soon to go on."

He nods his head and looks away. I don't know what he's hiding, but there's definitely something. Figuring it's not the best time to ask, I let it slide and drive the conversation on longer.

Hours pass, hours of pointless conversations and random pillow throwing. Gerard has agreed to stay at my house tonight, since he's been away for so long, we owe each other that much.

Once we were in my room and my mom still wasn't home, I pushed Gerard onto my bed and sat on him- more like straddled him, running my fingers down his torso. He sighed happily and relaxed his head back, into the pillow. When I reach his waistband I pull my hand away and lower my lips onto his for a romantic kiss. When that's over, I lay on my side on the bed, watching Gerard's expression change from happiness to annoyance.

"Did you just do that to torture me?" he asks in all seriousness.

I laugh. "Pretty much, and I can see it worked."

He sticks his tongue out at me and I stick mine back out at him, making a scrunched up face. We laugh at our silly child-like behavior until Gee takes my hand into his, intertwining our fingers. We're both laying on our sides, facing each other. "Remember earlier when I said I didn't have any new songs for the band?" I nod. "I lied."

I knew it! "Why'd you lie? You _do_ have something written?" I'm not upset or anything, just curious as to why he hid it from us. We would have loved to hear it.

"Well, it's, uh, kinda written for you. And I wanted you to be the first one to hear what I've written so far." He reached into his pocket and produced a folded up piece of paper. "I wanted to sing it to you for your birthday, but it wasn't finished before then so I couldn't."

"You... you wrote a song for me?" I don't know whether to be flattered, overjoyed, or utterly in love with this man more than I was before. Probably all of the above.

"Kinda, I'm writing a song for you, it isn't finished." He notices the happiness on my face and smiles, then leans in toward me to kiss my forehead. "It doesn't have a beat or anything yet, so I'll just read it out." I nod, unsure of what to say. He clears his throat and reads the words that are scribbled on the paper. "Hand in mine, into your icy blues. And then I'd say to you 'we can take to the highway.' With this trunk of ammunition too, I'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets. I'm trying, I'm trying, to let you know just how much you mean to me. And after all the things we put each other through and I would drive on to the end with you. A liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full." He finishes reading to me and looks up with a smile slowly forming.

The lyrics had me in such a trance; I don't think I've ever heard lyrics that poetic, to an extent. I understand what the song is saying, and it blows me away. The part about how much he cares about me blew me away the most. Without very much else to go on, and I can tell that the whole song is about how much I mean to him and how far he's willing to go for me. 'I'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets.' Those words are very powerful to me, more than I would ever expect them to be. He's willing to end his own life with me? Words can't express the feelings that song has given me, nor can they express the love that my heart is now aching with for this man.

Since actions speak louder than words ever could, I let myself melt into Gerard, kissing him passionately, the most passionate I've ever kissed him- or anyone. With my hands on both sides of his face, I pull away, not really wanting to, and look into his gorgeous green eyes. "I don't know what to say, baby, really... it's fucking amazing. You really feel that way about me?"

He smiles and takes one of my hands into his, intertwining our fingers again. "Yes. I'd take a bullet for you any day, and I'd kill myself by your side if you truly wanted me to, all you'd have to do is ask. I love you, and I'm not just saying that. I really love you, a lot more than you'll ever know."

Staring into those phenomenal eyes, I see only honesty, care, and love. Our voices are quiet, calm. "I love you too, Gerard. But I'd never ask you to die along side me by your own hand, you deserve much better than death. You deserve all the fucking happiness in the world."

He smiles cutely and lightly kiss my lips. "You deserve more."


	11. My Poetic Romance

I sit in class, eager to be released from Ms. Simmons' hell. As I tap my foot anxiously, watching the clock, I finger the ring Gerard had given me for my birthday, marveling at the feel of the engraved music notes. I haven't taken it off for anything other than showers or washing my hands- I'd be devastated if it went down a drain or anything like that. I remember that day so clearly. He had pulled me aside into the bathroom and gave the ring to me along with a kiss or two, that day had been the best day I've had in a long time. Most of my best days are spent with Gerard, now that I think about it.

The bell finally rings as it sounds my escape, and Mikey and I meet Sam outside the classroom door. Mikey greets her with a smile and a kiss, intertwining their hands. I sigh with a smile and when they finish, we walk to Sam's house. Thankfully, her house is literally directly on the right side of the school, less than a minute walk. It was easy telling Gerard and Ray how to get there, so there's no way anything can go wrong. We arrive at Sam's house and make ourselves comfortable while we wait for the guys to show up.

Sitting around the living room talking, Sam changes the subject without notice, practically cutting Mikey out of the conversation completely. "Frank, what's Gerard like?"

I stare curiously at her. "Erm, what do you mean?"

"Well, what is he like? I've only met him twice so I don't know much about him, and I should get to know him more if I'm gonna be in a band with him. But he seems nice."

"Oh, he is," I start. "He's amazing."

"Really?" The curiosity in her face is evident, but I don't understand why she's asking. I guess it's cause she's a good friend, cause good friends ask this kind of stuff on a daily basis.

"Oh yeah, absolutely."

"Tell me more," she says, intrigued.

I brush off the oddness of her request. "Well, he's a really nice guy, really caring and considerate... really hot..."

She giggles. "Yeah, he's definitely hot." Mikey shifts awkwardly on the couch, probably uncomfortable with the conversation. Sam doesn't notice. "What else?"

"Uh, he's really talented too, did you know he draws? He's like an artist. And he's really poetic. And sometimes I don't think he realizes how talented he is." I could sit here and talk about Gerard for hours, there are so many good things to say about him.

"That's awesome! Is he a good kisser?" The mischievous expression matches the way she asked the question, making me smile brightly.

"No, he's a _phenomenal _kisser," I state. "He should win a fucking award." She giggles and Mikey shifts awkwardly again, slightly rolling his eyes. Almost on que, a knock sounds from the front door and I notice the beat up Subaru in the driveway. I smile and struggle to hold myself back from running to open the door, and Sam slowly opens it for herself, greeting Gerard and Ray with a friendly smile. When my eyes land on Ray I notice that Sam didn't ask about him, just Gerard. Before I can wonder further about why, I notice how much sexier Gerard looks today then usual. He stands in the doorway in his leather jacket and well fitted tight pants, smiling his gorgeous smile. He looks so hot, I want to do so many dirty things to him right now.

Gerard greets Sam and notices me smiling in his direction. He walks into the house and I stand up, allowing him to wrap his arms around my neck and kiss my lips lightly. I place my hands comfortably on his hips. "So I finished your song," he whispers.

I smile widely and whisper back, "then you better share it cause I wanna hear how amazing it is."

He giggles and pulls away, intertwining his fingers with mine and holding my hand tightly, as he addresses our new band. "Hey guys, I have awesome news."

"You're gonna stop living at home like a momma's boy?" Mikey says like a smart ass.

Gerard glares at him. "Keep that up and I will." Mikey laughs. "The news is that I've written a song for us."

Everyone smiles and shares hopeful looks. "Let's hear it!" Ray says excitedly. Everyone nods in agreement.

"Okay, it doesn't have a beat though so you'll just have to bear with me reading it regularly." Everyone nods, and I grin. We all take our seats, Ray, Mikey, Sam and I sitting on the couch and Gerard in the armchair. They have no idea what's about to be read to them. If they knew exactly what they were about to hear, they'd be grinning too. Gerard clears his throat and reads from the crinkled paper. "Hand in mine, into your icy blues. And then I'd say to you, 'we can take to the highway.' With this trunk of ammunition too, I'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets. I'm trying, I'm trying to let you know just how much you mean to me. And after all the things we put each other through and I would drive on to the end with you, a liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full and I feel like there's nothing left to do but prove myself to you and we'll keep it running. But this time I mean it. I'll let you know just how much you mean to me. As snow falls on desert sky, until the end of everything. I'm trying, I'm trying to let you know how much you mean. As days fade and nights grow, and we go cold. Until the end, until this pool of blood. Until this, I mean this, I mean this. Until the end of- trying, I'm trying to let you know how much you mean. As days fade and nights grow, and we go cold. But this time we'll show them, we'll show them all how much we mean. As snow falls on desert sky, until the end of every-" He stops and half folds the paper, setting in his lap. Everyone smiles and compliments him on his work at the same time, their words meshing together. Gerard smiles and blushes a little as he looks down at his feet. I say nothing, I just smile widely. "Guys, hang on, there's more- it's a two part song," Gerard says quickly.

"So it's like two songs, but you're counting them as one?" Ray asks?

"Yeah, I guess you can say that." Everyone nods except for me. I can hardly stay still, I'm nearly shaking with happiness. Gerard clears his throat again and opens up the paper. "All we are, all we are is bullets, I mean this. All we are, all we are is bullets, I mean this. All we are, all we are is bullets, I mean this. All we are, all we are is bullets, I mean this. As lead rains pass on through our phantoms, forever, forever. Like scarecrows that fuel this flame, we're burning, forever and ever. Know how much I want to show you you're the only one. Like a bed of roses there's a dozen reasons in this gun. And as we're falling down and in this pool of blood. And as we're touching hands. And as we're falling down and in this pool of blood. And as we're falling down I'll see your eyes. And in this pool of blood I'll meet your eyes. I mean this forever." He finishes, folds the paper again and puts it in his lap. "I know the second part is short, so I think we should have an instrumental break in there somewhere."

Everyone loves his song, throwing compliments at him left and right. I don't know what to say, or even what to do. I still can't get over the fact that he wrote a song for me, let alone the fact that he feels that way about me. No one has ever loved me as much as Gerard does, no one could even compare. He claims that he's willing to die for me, with me, in place of me. He says that I'm 'the only one' for him...

Thinking about this as Gerard takes his comments causes tears to well up in my eyes. I try to blink them away discretely, but I fail as a tear slides down my cheek. I wipe it away with my hoodie sleeve quickly, but Mikey looks at me as another one falls down my other cheek. "Frankie, are you okay?" he asks, sounding very concerned. I nod as I wipe the tears away, but he doesn't buy it.

Everyone turns to look at me, and more tears fall as I sniffle, as suddenly Gerard is on his knees in front of where I sit on the couch, at eye level with me. He puts one hand on the side of my face, wiping my tears away with his thumb and the other hand over my own, gripping it tightly. "What's wrong baby?" he asks, looking for something in my eyes that might give me away.

"You... you wrote that amazing song for _me?_ You really love me _that_ much?" I could hardly control the tears anymore, they just kept coming, but thankfully I wasn't making the noises people usually make when they cry, like sobs.

He continues to wipe my tears away, and speaks quietly. "Yes. You mean the world to me, I love you more than any song could ever express. Haven't we been through this already? You're my everything, you make me happier than anyone else ever has." I stare into his bright and honest eyes, bewildered by his words and incapable of producing words of my own. "I don't know where my happiness would be without you, I'd die for you any day, Frankie." Tears overflow again, and my lover pulls me into his arms tightly, and I bury my face where his neck meets his shoulder, wrapping my arms around his neck. I know that everyone else are watching our moment, but I don't really care. My heart aches with love for Gerard, and all I want is to be alone with him, just us, together, with nothing to distract us from each other. And, frankly, knowing that I have to wait a few hours for this makes me sad and a little bit anxious.

After about a minute of our hug and my tears falling, soaking his shirt, I break our embrace and lightly kiss Gerard's lips. "I love you so much, Gee."

"I love you too, Frank." I don't doubt him for a single second.

We look into each others eyes for a moment when Mikey speaks up. "Erm, I don't mean to be rude, but, are you guys finished?"

We laugh and Gerard goes back to his chair. I wipe the semi-dried tears away completely, and my eyeliner- it must be smudged to hell anyway. I look back at everyone else in the room to see them all examining me. I notice Sam's expression is a bit different from the rest, but I can't put my finger on what it is.

I shake it off and turn towards Gerard as he speaks. "So here's what I'm thinking," he starts. "I can give this paper to one of you guys, and you can kinda create whatever you think sounds good with the lyrics. Then we can discuss it during the next meeting and see what we can do with it. Does that sound okay to you guys?" We all nod, mumbling little statements in agreement. "Okay, I don't wanna sound like I'm controlling all of this, we all need to be equally involved."

"No worries Gerard," Ray says. "We're all in this as a band," he smiles. "If it's alright with you guys, I think Frank should take the song home."

"I look at Ray with a huge smile, but a surprised one too. "Me? Why me and not you?"

"Well, as we now know, Gerard wrote that song for you and it's about you, it's a love song. A slightly demented love song, but a love song nonetheless." I chuckle. "You should create the guitar riffs for it because it's about love, the kind of love that you and Gerard share. And who knows more about that loving relationship than you?"

I nod, thinking deeply about it. "Okay, I'll do it. Only if you all agree," I say, turning to the rest of the group.

"It's cool with me, what about you?" Mikey turns his head to Sam and she only nods.

"Perfect!" Gerard exclaims. "So Frank, don't disappoint me," he jokes.

For the rest of practice we examine the lyrics in Gerard's song, looking for any confusing lines or misused words. We find no errors or problems, every line is written with perfect poetic structure. Each medophore has a meaning, and every word belongs exactly where he placed it. It's kind of scary how well this is written and how perfect it is, since he claims it's merely a second draft. Most songs go through multiple drafts when they're edited, some don't even make the cut. Gerard clearly has a talent for poetry, which is really all that music is- poetry with instruments added with it. But then again, what isn't Gerard talented at?

I walk into my room with Gerard on my heels, the song he wrote for me safely in my hands. I set it down on my bedside table, but rethink it and decide to put it in my bedside drawer instead. Papers fly off the that table all the time and I never end up finding them. After I close the drawer, I turn to see Gerard already sitting on my bed, waiting for me sit with him. I comply and plop down in front of him, putting my hands over his and holding them tightly. "I love you, baby."

He smiles. "I love you too, Frankie."

He leans in to kiss me, but I speak to stop him. "No, I don't think you get it." He stares at me in curiosity and slight fear. "I love you more than anything. I know it's easy for someone to just say it and not fill the words with meaning, but I really do. You're the one thing that can make me smile when I'm sad, just thinking about you makes me happy. It also makes me sad, but that's only because I'm not with you. When you're gone there's this... this hole in my heart, so to speak, and nothing can even temporarily fill it. And that song... that song you wrote for me heightened my feelings for you, they're ten times stronger now. I fucking love you, Gee, I need you to know that."

He smiles and gives me a long, passionate and heartfelt kiss, one that's different from all the rest. It had more emotion, more care and more love. He pulls back and rests his forehead against mine. "You wanna know something?" he asks quietly. I nod slowly. "Before I met you, I was depressed. Depressed about where I'd end up in life, about the fact that I'm nineteen and still living at home like a fucking nobody. Mostly about my ex boyfriend, the one who killed himself. I still loved him when we broke up, and then merely weeks later he was dead. It was really difficult and I couldn't handle it. I turned to drink tons of alcohol to cope with everything, even thought about suicide. I hated the way my life was going, I didn't see any hope anymore. I had just about had enough... and then I met you. You changed all that. We hardly knew each other for very long, just days, but I knew enough about you and had spent enough time with you to fall for you, to realize that you make me happier than anyone else can. I pretty much fell head over heels for you. I stopped drinking when we started dating, because you blocked out all the negative feelings that made me do it in the first place." He sighs. "What I'm trying to say is... you changed my life, you're the reason I'm still alive. I don't know how to thank you for what you've done for me, I don't even know if it's possible." He removed his forehead from mine and placed both his hands on either side of my face. "I love you, Frankie, I can't say that enough."

Incapable of producing words, yet again, I stretch Gerard's legs out on my bed and sit in his lap- since he's already leaning against my headboard it was easy- and kiss him deeply. With my arms wrapped around his neck and my fingers snaked in his hair, I make sure his arms are around my waist as we kiss. He puts his hands on my sides and pulls my torso forward, pressing my body against his. His kisses start to get hotter and his hands slide down my waist onto my hips, gently pulling them forward and pressing my newly created boner against his stomach. This man could easily be the best torturer, I swear. I quickly remove his shirt, temporarily breaking the steamy kiss. There are so many things I want to do to Gerard right now. I hook my hand around the back of his head with my fingers in his hair again, kissing his jaw line and moving slowly down to his neck. Gerard's moans fill the silence as I nip the skin behind his ear and let one of my hands slide down his body until I reach his waist line.

I slip my hand into his pants and wander around a little bit, and it doesn't make long until my hand is wrapped around Gerard's throbbing dick. I decide that giving him a hand job would be rather difficult with his tight pants still on, so I shift positions and remove them and his boxers, pulling him down until he's laying flat on the bed. With my hand around his dick again, I start stroking him slowly, watching as his back arches slightly and he rests his head back into the pillow, already moaning my name. As my strokes get faster and rougher, Gerard's moans become louder and more desperate, one hand gripping the sheets and the other in a fist under the pillow. It's enough to get me even more hot and bothered, so my lips collide with his in a nearly violent kiss, allowing my tongue to slip into his mouth, my hand still pumping his cock. I end the kiss and gently but roughly bite his bottom lip, then kiss him again for good measure.

After just minutes of stroking, Gerard reaches his peak, an orgasm races through his body and he yells my name out in a desperate moan. I remove my hand before he releases, really not wanting to have all his bodily fluids on my hand.

I smile, watching Gerard's chest rise and fall along with his labored breathing. With myself fully clothed and him completely naked, I find my blanket and wrap it around him, snuggling into his chest with my arm around his waist. He finally catches his breath. "You don't want anything in return? Because that was amazing."

I smile and shake my head, looking up into Gee's gorgeous eyes. "Nah, seeing that was good enough for me." He chuckles and kissed my forehead. "I love you, Gee. Go to sleep."

"I love you too, baby. Goodnight."

I snuggle closer into Gerard's chest and allow myself to fall into a perfect sleep in the warm arms of my lover.


	12. Clank and Pop

Months passed and band practices flew by, and before any of us knew it, we were perfecting our fourth song. The song Gerard had written me, Demolition Lovers- a very fitting name in my opinion, is on that list along with Our Lady Of Sorrows, Early Sunsets Over Monroeville, and Bury Me In Black. All good songs, each one slaved over for weeks.

We play the song in Sam's garage, giving it our all and enjoying every moment of it. Jamming out to loud and rough guitars, a booming bass, powerful drums and an overpowering- and admittedly sexy- voice. As Bury Me In Black draws into an abrupt and loud screaming close, Gerard pants and smiles at us with that slightly evil smile that I love. It gets me harder than it should, but I try my best to ignore it, hiding it with my guitar.

Gerard drops his arm to his side catching his breath and says, "Great job guys, that sounded awesome!"

We all agree with mumbled exclamations of who did best, not that it mattered. "Can we play Demolition Lovers? I love playing that song," Mikey happily suggests.

Gerard glances at me quickly before looking back at his brother and nodding with a smile, "Sure. Launch us in, Frank."

I obey with a three-count and an eager feeling, longing to hear Gerard's amazing voice singing my song. We play the song in synch perfectly without any aids, clearly impressed with ourselves. Whenever we play, I like to watch everyone else, but I'm not sure why. Not needing to look at my guitar, I observe our still nameless band, noticing Sam's face contorted into something I can't identify. She looks agitated and angry, though also sad. I can't help but stare, but she notices and looks away quickly with an expressionless face. I turn around, taken aback a bit by that encounter. I don't know what's wrong, but I should find out what.

The song ends and I can't help but smile, then Gerard comes over and kisses my cheek quickly, making me blush and smile wider. He always knows how to get me to blush. Deciding it's time for a water break, we all ditch our instruments in the garage and head into the kitchen. Sam stays in front of Mikey, breaking herself off from the rest of the group in the front. She must know that I want to talk to her because this was intentional. She starts handing bottles of water to each of us, and when she hands Gerard his, she offers him a smile, but it's the kind of smile that she should only give to Mikey. I disregard it. Maybe she thought it was Mikey, because she only so much as glanced at him, not taking the time to register the face. And they look a lot alike at first glance, easily mistaken. I shake the feeling away and take my bottled water, also not even getting a look from Sam. Things are getting weird here.

Ray sighs contently as smiles at us all. "Look at us! Four songs and I already feel like a pro guitarist!"

Gee laughs. "Toro, you pretty much are a pro guitarist at this point."

"Well, not really. I'm not _pro_ pro until we hit it big time and get a record deal or a single or some shit."

Mikey speaks up. "What he meant was that you're a pro in our minds."

Ray chuckles and looks at his feet, clearly faking to be sheepish. "Aw shucks, Mikes! You're the cutest!"

"Oh shut up," Mikey laughs.

I walk over to Gerard and wrap an arm around his waist, pulling his hip against my own. He kisses the side of my head and pats my hair down with his free hand, using the other to take a sip of water. I can sympathize with his sigh of relief after setting the bottle down on the table beside him. I don't just play guitar in this band, I also scream, and this puts immense strain on my vocal chords, making my throat very dry.

"One thing's for sure," Ray says. "We gotta get these songs to the hands of someone in music, someone who can help us get up there in the business."

"I think I can do that," I answer. "My uncle is in the music business, I can talk to him the next time I see him."

Smiles spread across everyone's faces. "Awesome!" Gerard tells me, kissing my cheek quickly and making me blush. "No rush though, as soon as you can see him works perfect!"

"Okay, I'll keep my eyes open for opportunity." I smile at everyone and take another sip of water.

Sam starts idly playing with the fringe on her skirt beside Mikey, not paying any attention anymore. Why she's wearing a skirt in November is beyond me, it's fucking freezing even inside her house. I suspect she's looking to impress Mikey, and if the bulge in his pants is anything to go by, I'd say she's succeeded.

I can't quite pinpoint the expression Mikey has, I can almost categorize it though. He's glancing at Sam, though she doesn't notice. He almost looks like he's full of bliss, in love maybe. Mikey, _in love? _The words don't match, he's too awkward and silent to be the kind of guy to fall in love. I guess I shouldn't talk, people probably see me as the rough one who can't settle on a partner. But still, Mikey being in love has never crossed my mind before.

Ray's eyes fill with wonder as he addresses Sam, forcing her to come down from the clouds and join us. "Hey Sam, I was wondering if I could show you something with your bass drum, if you don't mind."

She smiles and says, "Sure, let's go right now." She and Ray walk out of the living room towards the garage, chatting happily about her bass drum.

Once they're out of hearing range, I close the distance between Mikey and I, grabbing his shoulders and getting a foot away from his face. "Okay," I start, completely serious. "You need to tell me if you've fucked that ass yet or not, and how it was if you have." Mikey's eyes go wide and I hear Gerard start to laugh hysterically behind me, but I don't smile or even look away from Mikey. I stare into his eyes and scrutinize him as he just stands there idly, searching for words. "Well? Have you?" Mikey nods his head quickly and his body relaxes a little.

Gerard's laughter comes to an abrupt stop. "You have?"

He nods again and I ask, "Well how was it? Was she your first time? Who was on top?"

He shakes my hands from his shoulders and takes a step back. "One question at a time!" Gerard comes to stand beside me, looking at Mikey excitedly. The younger boy sighs and says, "Yes, she took my virginity. It was fantastic, and I was on top." He smiles smugly, very proud of himself for this success.

I grin and nod my head, as does Gerard. "Congratulations, man! How long did it take?" I ask.

"Well, I won't get into details about it, but I'll just say she's a screamer."

Gerard and I laugh together hysterically, and I nearly fall to the floor in a laughing fit. "I kinda suspected that from the beginning, the quiet ones and the little ones are always the ones who scream the loudest," Gerard says and spares me a glance when he says, 'little ones' which makes me blush.

"Well that's great," I say, "I'm proud of you Mikey! But was she a virgin too?" He shakes his head. "I fuckin knew she wasn't," I insist with a grin.

Gerard laughs and says, "This is a huge surprise... I need a cigarette now!" He pats his pockets and sighs unhappily immediately. "I left my pack in the garage, I'll just go smoke out there." He leans in and gives my cheek a kiss before leaving the house.

I blush and look back at Mikey to see him avoiding my gaze awkwardly. "You and Gerard are really close then, huh?" He asks honestly, finally looking back at me after a moment.

"Yeah..." I let myself get lost in my thoughts for a moment before snapping back to reality. "Can I be honest with you Mikey?"

"Of course, you can tell me anything."

I sigh. "To be blunt, I'm so in love with Gerard that I don't even know what to do with myself anymore. He's my everything, I can't get him off my mind, every moment that I'm with him feels like heaven." Mikey's eyes are full of happiness as he listens to me speak. "I wouldn't tell him this just yet, but I want what we have to last forever..." I let myself wander in my thoughts again, thinking about the future and what it holds for Gerard and I. Mikey's voice cuts into my mind and pulls me out of the clouds again.

"That's amazing Frankie. And you honestly have no idea how much you've done for him." I smile, remembering the words we exchanged months ago about what I mean to him and how much we love each other. "Before he met you he was always locked in his room drinking and doing god knows what, we only got to see him at mealtimes and when he needed the bathroom- and he never smiled. I swear to god, he didn't know how to smile... and after you came into his life, he started being happy like he used to, he started spending time with me again and actually smiling... he enjoyed life again." Unexpectedly, he pulls me into a tight hug, and after the shock sets in, I slowly wrap my arms around his waist, not sure of what else to do. Mikey doesn't usually hug. "Please don't break up with him, Frankie, I'm afraid of what he'll do to himself..." I feel him literally shudder in my arms, and I start calmly rubbing his back.

"Don't worry, Mikes, I love him too much to break up with him." I remember the last thought of Mikey's sentence and I myself shudder, but I keep my arms around my best friend. "Mikes? Can I ask you something in all honesty?" He hesitates, then shakes his head. "If he really wanted to... do you think..." I can hardly think the words to myself, let alone say them out loud to another human being. "I mean- if he felt like it was the only thing he could do... would Gee kill himself?"

His arms tighten around my shoulders and he stiffens. "I-I don't know... I'd hate to say yes, but I can't say no for sure... I just don't know. Sometimes he gets more emotional than he should, and sometimes he lets those emotions get the better of him. One day he could just snap and-" he can't finish the sentence, won't allow himself to finish the sentence. I don't blame him, I don't want to hear it.

The more I think about it, the more probable it seems. I know Gerard has a gun in his room for protection, but how he got it is something I may never know. It would be all too easy for him to pick it up and put it against his head...

I shake the thoughts away, not wanting them to haunt me in my sleep tonight. "I hope you're wrong, I really fucking hope he would never have the balls to do it..."

Mikey shakes his head roughly and pulls away from me, taking long steps backwards and rubbing forehead. "I can't talk about this anymore, sorry Frank."

"That's okay, Mikes. Whatever makes you comfortable..." I sigh sadly, and nearly on que, Ray enters the living room.

He notices our distress and looks us both over, worried. "Is something wrong?" he asks, his voice full of concern.

"We were just talking about something emotional, that's all," Mikey says indifferently. Ray just nods slowly, not wanting to press on the topic.

"What did you want to show Sam?" I ask, really wanting to change the subject.

"Just a trick I learned from a friend on how to make the bass drum sound even lower."

"Ohh," I say, not sure what else to do that will fill this loud silence. I feel very vulnerable and nervous, so I decide to have a cigarette rather than stay here. "I'm gonna go have a smoke for a few minutes," I say as I start to walk out of the room. I don't spare a moment to wait for their responses, I just desperately needed to be out of that room. Talking about Gerard's mental state like that was too pressuring, and to be honest, it's scary as fuck.

I pull out a cigarette and my lighter, preparing to light it when I get into the garage. I finally enter our practice area, and what I see is something I can't process at first, making me freeze in the doorway.

Sam has her back to the wall, her hands on Gerard's hips, and her lips on his, tongue kissing him very deeply.

I stare in shock with eyes the size of bowling balls, tears welling in them almost immediately. Every negative emotion I could ever think of flashes through my brain, making me disoriented. For a moment, I can't help but think that I'm just witnessing a bad dream. The shock still hasn't set in, I feel slightly sick to my stomach, and my entire body feels completely numb. My hands go limp and the lighter and cigarettes fall to the cement ground. C_lank, plop_. Both of their heads snap in my direction, their lips making that smacking sound when they part, the eyes of my lover completely unreadable.


	13. Vulnerable and Weak

When they turned to me I couldn't see what Sam was feeling, I didn't care about her. All I cared about was Gerard and the fact that his lips were on someone's mouth that weren't my own. Tears were welling in my eyes from the moment I saw them, my stomach churning and making me feel ill. I'm at a complete loss for words, staring at Gerard in utter disbelief when Sam's shrill voice cuts into the piercing silence, saying words I never wanted to ever hear.

"He kissed me Frank, I fucking swear!" In even more disbelief, I turn to her and stare blankly, as though unable to process her words. "He came onto me out of nowhere, I tried to push him away but he slammed me against the wall and shoved his tongue down my fucking throat!" Her voice is full of fear and some anger, maybe even a hint of sadness.

I look back at Gerard, tears finally flowing down my face. "Gerard.. what- why? How could you d-do that...?" The words are merely a whisper, I can't make myself project at the moment. He came over to me in a quick strides, his hands landing on either side of my face. I snap and smack his hands away from my my face. "Don't fucking touch me, Gerard," I tell him as sternly as I can manage. "Just tell me why."

His eyes fill with frustration and sadness, and his voice is manifested with pain. "I didn't, she's lying to you, Frankie! Think about it, why would I ever want anything more than the perfection you've given me?" My stomach churns and I get the sensation that I might throw up. I'm not buying his bullshit. This has happened before, and it always ends the same way. The person who I thought loved me the most betrayed me, stabbed me in my fucking heart and left me to bleed. I've had my heart broken too many times over this, and I won't let myself back into a situation where it could happen again. Not with him.

I scoff, picking up that he's clearly trying to kiss my ass to get me to forgive him. "Stop, just stop it. The least you can do right now is be honest with me!" I notice my voice has risen to a much louder level than I thought I could produce, but I could care less right now. Anger starts flowing through me rather than sadness, and all I want to do is hit someone. He knows he's caught, yet he still tries to lie to me about it. "What, I'm not good enough for you? I don't satisfy you? Did you ever even love me, Gerard?" Okay, I know that last part was a little harsh, because I know he did at some point. But it had to be said.

He grabs my hand and holds it tightly, there's no way in hell I'll be able to get out of his death grip. "You know I love you, you're everything to me, I didn't kiss her, I would never do this to you!"

"Oh really? Cause I think I can safely say you would!" I shout, motioning my free hand at Sam. I can see her cringing by the wall, but make no attempt to escape this battlefield.

"I didn't, _she_ kissed _me!_ Frank, you have to fucking believe me." I think the situation through one more time, paying close attention to detail. Sam's back had been against the wall and it looked like Gerard put her there with force, which is exactly what she said to me. Gerard wasn't fighting it, in fact, I'm sure I saw _his_ tongue in _her_ mouth...

I shake my head as Ray and Mikey walk into the garage, but I make no attempt to acknowledge them. Anger fills me and adrenaline rushes through my veins as I yank my hand away from Gerard's, hearing his knuckles crack from the force. "You liar, you fucking liar! If you like kissing her so much why don't you just go fuck her in Mikey's bed? I bet he'd fucking appreciate that!"

Mikey comes between us, and that's when I notice I'm yelling at Gerard- literally yelling. "Woah, guys, relax. What happened?" His eyes are flooded of confusion and concern. Sam runs over to him, wrapping her arms around him and hiding her face in his chest.

"Your fucking awesome big brother kissed Sam against her will," I inform him angrily. All of the sadness I felt in the beginning is gone, now replaced with anger. I'm beyond livid at this point.

His eyes go huge with anger when Sam nods in confirmation against his body. He looks at Gerard with an expression that, I swear, if looks could kill, he'd be a smoking pile of ashes right now. "_What?_"

"Mikey she's-"

"Don't give me that shit," Mikey interrupts. "Because I _don't_ want to hear it," he says, rubbing Sam's back as she's still not showing her face.

I can feel my ears and my face burning, I'm getting more and more angry each time I look into Gerard's eyes. I feel like I'm about to punch something, and as pissed as I am at Gerard, I don't want it to be him. "I'm fucking done with you!" I shout at him. I pull the ring he had given me off of my finger and throw at it at his chest with as much force as my almost shaking body can muster. I know that was a little much, but if he was going to do this to me, then I don't want any part of him with me anymore. I'm no longer looking at him as I leave, so when I hear the ring hit the ground I assume he either didn't catch it or didn't make any attempt to do so.

I leave my guitar right where it is, deciding that I'll pick it up another time, and leave the garage into the crisp February air and slam the door behind me. No one follows me as I reach the end of the driveway, so I assume that's it.

It's that moment that I realize I left my lighter and cigarettes on the ground, and I nearly turn around to retrieve them because now I want a smoke so badly. I resist that urge and keep walking towards my house, shivering from the cold and steaming from anger at the same time.

I'm sitting in my bed, staring at my wall blankly, thinking over everything that happened today. The moment played back in my head over and over, like a video on repeat. That moment spread, and I start remembering the things Gerard and I did together. The cemetery, our first kiss in his car, getting in trouble that night, our first time making love, every blow job and every hickey, every kiss and every hug. Every 'I love you.'

Before I even realize it, I'm crying, crying about how he hurt me. It sounds fucking stupid, 'how he hurt me,' but that's all there is to it. He hurt me more than anyone else could, and the fact that I loved him more than I've ever loved anyone else makes it much worse. I hardly even knew that I was crying, and then suddenly I'm sobbing. I can't control the noises coming from me, each sound a sob of pain. I have to cover my mouth to keep mom from hearing, the last thing I need is for her to run in here and find me like this- she'd demand answers that I'm not willing to give to her.

I can't understand what I did to make him do what he did. Was he not satisfied with me anymore? Was he bored of the same old moves? Did I say something? I must have done something... he can't just do it out of the spur of the moment.

Instinctively I start fingering at my ring finger where my ring had been, expecting his gift to be there. I almost forgot I had thrown it at him, looking at my hand with wide eyes. So that's it, it's completely over then.

After twenty straight minutes of crying, my sobs turn into something worse, if that's even possible. I'm now at that point when I'm no longer crying, but now my breathing is extremely irregular and hitches, my chest hiccuping against the breath that I can't catch. I'm nearly hyperventilating, my mind starting to get flustered and scared because I can hardly breathe. I slam my hand on the bed and put my other hand on my chest, and try desperately to breathe. Although, at this point, I don't think breathing is that important.

Gerard had been the breath that kept me alive- in a metaphorical sense. He made me feel as though I was actually living my life. Almost every other night I would sneak out of the house to see him, just to spend time with him and cuddle into his chest in the backseat of his car. We would have the dumbest conversations, but they would seem so important, since they were with each other. He would pick me up after school nearly every day and bring me over to his house, where we would just goof around and act like idiots and not care who saw. His parents welcomed me into the house like one of the family, letting me stay for dinner every time there was no meat on the menu and even calling me their son as a playful joke. I was completely accepted and cared for by all of the Way family, and I honestly thought that Gerard and I would last forever.

As soon as I catch my breath I start sobbing again, because every memory of us being together sent me right back off the edge. I lay there wallowing in my tears, misery, and secret self hate for a long time, until everything goes black.

I sit in my bed with my acoustic, just playing random notes as though I'm trying to create a scale for a song like I used to for our band, which never received a name. I find myself only playing the minor chords, which is way too mellow dramatic and stupid now that I think of it, because the minor chords often are used to expressed a sad mood. I probably look like a fucking depressed hippy or some shit, expressing my sadness with my guitar in nearly complete darkness, while also craving pot.

A knock sounds at my door, and mom's calming voice greets my ears. "Frankie, can I come in?"

I sigh and set my guitar off to the side of my bed and mutter, "sure." I love my mom and all, but I don't like talking to anyone other than Gerard when I'm upset. And he's no longer in the cards for me, so disconnecting myself from my mother wouldn't be right.

She opens the door slowly and carefully before coming inside and closing it. She's pretty concerned, but I try to avoid that by pretending to be interested in her new flowered shirt. She sits on my bed in front of me, one hand in her lap and the other on my knee. The first words out of her mouth made my stomach drop. "Gerard called. But I told him you were busy. He sounded upset..." I mutter an 'oh,' still not taking my eyes off of her shirt. "Frank, I know what's been wrong with you for past two days." It's only been two days? It felt more like two years. I just nod, showing no emotion or interest. I figure the more I speak, the more she'll get out of me to go by, and that's not what I want from her. She lets out a sad sigh before continuing. "I know it's hard losing a boyfriend, but you can't let it get to you like this."

My eyes snap up to her face in shock. "I- we- but... how did you-?"

"A mother can just tell," she interrupts. "And I know my son, I remember when your girlfriend cheated on you, you were just like this." I continue to just stare at her in amazement. I'm either really obvious or she's just really fucking good at figuring me out. "I don't know what happened, and I'm not going to drill you about it. But I will say that you can't let yourself get this sad, and I'm here if you ever want to talk. I completely accept your sexuality and am open to help you." I can't believe how amazing she is. I want to hug her, cry, and scream to the fucking sky all at the same time.

I'm about to break down until I hear the front door of the house opens. My stomach drops again as I remember that there are only two other people who walk right into the house who aren't it's residents. We both look over at the door to see it open, and Mikey's head popping it. I let out a breath that I didn't realize I had been holding in, but don't show any other emotion.

Mikey steps completely into my room awkwardly and smiles at mom, holding in his hands my guitar and amp that I had left at Sam's on the day of my personal Armageddon. "I knocked, but no one answered so..." he trails off.

Mom smiles and stands up, squeezing my knee gently before doing so. "It's okay Mikey, you're always welcome at anytime. I'll leave you two be." She smiles at us both before leaving the room and closing the door behind her.

I look right up at Mikey's face immediately, and smile as I do so. He sets down my things and sits where my mom had been sitting, pulling my cigarettes and lighter out of his hoodie pocket and handing them to me. I smile for the first time in over a day and take them, immediately pulling a cigarette out and lighting it. "You're inside," Mikey says as he watches me take a puff.

"I don't care," is all I say. I let the smoke fill my mouth before exhaling, marveling is as it surrounds me. It feels so damn good to smoke, I can almost feel myself calming down instantly. I guess I took a really long drag, because I'm already more than a quarter finished with this cigarette.

Mikey sighs and returns his eyes to mine, but I don't look back. The truth is, I'm glad he's here to keep me company, I've been feeling all too lonely. I didn't go to school today, since I just wasn't feeling up to getting out of bed this morning- I cried myself to sleep at four A.M. for the second night in a row. I know how pathetic is sounds- missing school because my boyfriend betrayed me. But I don't care, if I'm not feeling up to it, then I won't do it.

"How are you doing?" Mikey asks. It's a stupid thing to ask, he knows what's wrong.

"How do you think I'm doing?" I say with an attitude, but regret it immediately. "I'm sorry..." I take another drag of my cigarette, nearly finishing it off completely. "I didn't meant to snap at you, Mikes."

He nods in understanding and says, "I know... I, uh, wanted to check on you... since you weren't in school today. Are you.. okay?" I think he knows that I'm not okay, but it's really considerate of him to ask anyway. I nod, but upon realizing that I don't like lying to my best friend, I glance up at his concerned expression and shake my head, feeling tears threatening to make themselves known. He puts a hand on my shoulder and gives me a comforting look. "Don't waste your time being upset over him, if he went and did what he did, then he's not worth it at all."

"You sound like a magazine..." I mumble, more to myself than to Mikey.

"It's true though. I know you guys shared something really special, but you have to let go of that or it'll eat away at you. Move on."

I know he's right, but I can't bring myself to forget about Gerard. "I can't... I..." A tear falls down my cheek and I rush to wipe it away with my sleeve as I sniffle. I'm a mess, crying over someone who clearly doesn't love me anymore. "I can't just forget, I still can't get over the fact that he did that. I can't even figure out why!"

Mikey drops his hand from my shoulder and into his lap, shaking his head. "I don't know either, and I really don't plan on finding out. I don't even want to talk to him."

I finish off my cigarette and put it in the ash tray on my nightstand. "I don't blame you. How's Sam?"

"She's fine, still kinda shaken though. She told me everything that Gerard said to her..."

I slip my eyes closed to calm myself down before I turn into a heap of fucked up sobs again. Things are making less sense by the fucking minute, and I'm only becoming more frustrated. "Oh," is all I say as I open my eyes again.

"Should I stop?" I shake my head, because part of me wants to know all the information he has to give about why Gerard gave up on me. "Okay... because there's more." I keep my eyes locked on his and make the hand gesture to encourage him to continue. I don't trust my voice enough to say very many words. He licks his lips before speaking again. "She said that Gerard told her that he'd make everything worth her while if she kept quiet about it. She also tried to push him away, but he used a lot of strength to push her up against that wall... it was really all him."

I sigh and look at my knee, trying my best to process this information without breaking down again. "What... what did Gerard do after I left?" I say quietly.

"He sped home and locked himself in his room, I haven't seen him come out yet," he says and shrugs.

I take in a shaky breath to speak, but I'm interrupted when mom knocks on my door. "Dinner!"

I sigh and stand up, making sure that all signs of tears are gone. "You staying for dinner, Mikes?"

"Might as well," he says, shrugging again and chuckling I feel very vulnerable now, like anyone could take an emotional swing at me and I'd go down by the first hit. And that makes me wish I didn't have to eat dinner with my mom at the table, but it's not something I can get out of. I skipped last night, and only did so by promising my mom that I'd come to dinner this time around. I respect her too much to abandon her every night like that anyway.


	14. Morals vs Emotions

**_Dear readers,_**

_I'm truly sorry that it's taken me so long for this update- I've had some emotional issues going on recently and I've been very brain dead, and I've also had trouble thinking up what to write for this chapter- plus getting around to actually writing it. I'm still making most of this up as I go, so most of the time when you're in the dark about what will happen next, so am I. Most of those issues have been resolved, but I also transitioned into honors english class about a month ago, so homework from that class is very time-guzzling too. I'll try to make more time to write more often, I really hope that I'll never have to take so much time to update again. Again, I apologize and I thank you for your patience. Happy reading!_

_PS... leave me reviews? That'd be awesome, I wanna know what you think. _

_- Taylor._

I fucking hate being behind in classes. It's bad enough that I have to deal with sophomores in the halls, but in art class too? I like art class, I don't totally suck at it and I could pass easily. The rule is: sophomores take art, and upper classmates only take the class at such a late year whenever they get bumped off the list by some other student who hadn't taken it yet. Art is required to graduate, so I have no choice in this, whether I like it or not. When I enter the room, I can feel everyone's eyes on me as I walk to the closest empty seat, away from everyone else- at a table all to myself. I don't much mind having the spotlight on me, I just don't like it when it's in a negative way.

I sit in silence with my hood up while the other students chat happily amongst each other, not even paying attention to what they're saying. I've become an empty shells since _he_ ripped my heart out a few weeks ago, me smiling is almost impossible to see now. With that being said, I stare at a spot of dried paint on the table until the teacher walks into the room.

"Hello class!" She says happily. I don't even bother to look away from this paint spot, and I can already tell that this class is going to suck balls. "I'm Mrs. Rolfe, and welcome to art class! In this class we'll learn how to make everything from paintings to sculptures, from simple sketches to self portraits. Even freestyle abstract pieces!" As if things can't get bad enough, she says, "and we'll all get to know each other, every single one of you will be great friends by the end of this semester." One of the jocks laugh outright at her statement, ending it quickly by clearing his throat. "At least I hope so.." she mumbles to us. I roll my eyes, how do teachers believe this shit could ever happen? I'm not like them, they don't like me because I'm different. Adults need to get the fuck over that. "Oh, I can't forget about our intern this semester!" God, does this bitch ever shut up? "This is Mr. Way. He graduated from this very high school, and is here to get artistic experience before attending the School of Visual Arts in New York, and he'll be here for the entire semester."

I think my heart has stopped. I can't breathe, I can't move, I can hardly think. Gerard, interning in _my fucking art class__?_ I need to lift my head and see, to make sure that it's just a different Mr. Way who loves art. But I don't dare move a single muscle in my body. I close my eyes tightly and snap them open again, hoping to be released from my nightmare when I look over at Mr. Way. I lift my head slowly, seeing black converse, and I already want to bolt for the fucking door. I keep going until my eyes are painfully greeted with the expressionless face of Gerard. His eyes are blank and agonizing, dark circles under them and eyeliner framing the perfect emeralds. He doesn't look at me, so I quickly lower my head again so he doesn't even see me.

I feel a light tap on my shoulder, and Rolfe says, "excuse me honey, could you please remove your hood? I don't allow hoods or hats in this class." I feel like leaving, how can one day go so horribly wrong so quickly? I don't want to see Gerard, I don't want him to see me, I don't even want to be near him. I wish I could just leave the class and never come back. After a moment's hesitation, I finally pull my hood off of my head and reveal my face, but I don't dare glance in Gerard's direction. Why can't I be invisible? That would be so fantastic.

The tall and skinny blonde woman thanks me and continues to talk about class rules and the 'norm' for the day. She wants us to draw something that we have on our minds at the beginning of every class in a sketchbook that she's given us. When she passes out the journals/sketchbooks, I have no idea what I want to draw, so I just start with a few curved lines and start thinking about how miserable this class is going to be. I can't help but wonder how I'll function. I lose sleep at night because I think about him, how much I miss him, how much I want to feel his arms around me, I long for just one more kiss. How can I look at him? Surely eventually he'll have to help me with something that I draw, or I'll have to evaluate him at the end of the semester. How can I take any part in him? I want him back, but I honestly can't even bring myself to think about forgiving him.

Rolfe rings her stupid little bell that tells us when to stop drawing. When I draw, it's sort of like my dreams. I never know how it will start, what it will be about, or how it will end. It just happens, and I have almost no control over it, typically. I tend to zone out and think about other things, all the while letting the pencil flow across the paper in accordance to what I'm thinking about. Today I've drawn a heart. Not just a heart though, a dark, depressing, bloody heart with three daggers jabbed into the middle. Engraved in each dagger are one letter each, those letters being G, A, and W. I sigh and close my journal- I should have expected myself to draw something like that.

Rolfe asks Gerard to collect everyone's journals, and I can feel my heart speeding up with each step he gets closer to me. He's had to have seen me already, so why am I so fucking freaked out? I won't even try and answer that. He finally reaches my table and I don't look up, I just stare at my journal as I see his hand pick it up and slide it off of the table and onto the pile in his other arm. Out of my peripheral vision, I can see him looking at me, but I don't dare look back. He leaves my table and goes to the teacher's desk, putting the pile of scattered journals down before going to stand at it's corner like before.

At the end of class I'm the first one out of the room, avoiding his gaze that I can feel on my face. I sigh in relief when I'm out the door, and then I get the best idea that I ever have in my whole fucking life so far. I start making my way to the guidance office to switch out of my art class for the year, there's no _way _I'll be able to put up with it, and skipping just isn't an option because of the consequences if I get caught. Fuck next block, I'll show up late and won't give a fuck.

I enter the guidance office and find my own guidance councilor, and knock on the door frame to let her know that I'm waiting for her. She turns around in her chair and smiles up at me, mostly because I've spoken to her about classes before and she probably remembers me.

"Good morning, Frank!" she greets me happily. Yep, definitely remembers me. "What can I do for you?"

I sigh and walk into the room, slinging my bag off of my shoulder to the floor and sitting in the student chair. "Well I'd like to drop art from my schedule until next year."

She looks at me with scrutiny and folds her hands together. I hate when teachers do that, it only means bad news. "You're a junior, correct?" I nod hesitantly. "Then I'm sorry, but we can't do that."

"What? Why not?" I can feel my stomach dropping and every fear that I've had growing in my brain illuminates into my every thought.

"We're not allowing the upper classmen to wait until senior year to take art, because that means that they'll be more behind just before graduation. It's much too risky of a move to make so late in high school."

I shake my head rapidly. "No, I'll let myself get behind, I don't mind, just please let me drop the class," I plead with her, not even realizing that I'm pleading until it's too late.

She purses her lips and looks my face over, unfolding her hands and bringing them to her lap. "I'm sorry but there's a rule, and we can't just make exceptions because you insist. Why do you want to drop the class so badly?"

I start tapping my foot anxiously and biting on my lip ring. "Just... just an issue with someone there," I mumble.

"And are these issues a matter of threats or any form of harassment?"

"Well no, but I know that having this person there every day will negatively effect my learning," I offer, trying to sound as intellectual as possible.

She purses her lips again and shakes her head. "Then I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do here. You'll have to take the class and just stay as far away from the student as possible, and make sure that your teacher knows what's happening."

I'm breaking out into a cold sweat now, I can feel my face burning and my stomach has dropped. My mind is racing and I feel like running away, going someplace where I'll never have to deal with teachers, bullies, or Gerard ever again. But for the time being, I just nod my head slowly and walk out, slamming the door behind me and walking into the empty hall way. It's then when I realize how alone I am, how I can be in a room full of other teenagers and still be alone. It's not a very comforting feeling.

I trudge my way through the rest of the day until I'm released from class, and meet Mikey at my locker. "You're never gonna fucking believe what happened today," I tell him angrily, shoving my back in my locker.

His eyebrows knit together and he fills with concern. "Oh fuck, what happened?"

"_Your brother_ is an intern in my art class. All year," I mumble.

Mikey's eyes grow bigger and his jaw drops, a scoff coming from him immediately. "What? I had no fucking idea about that- mother fucker. You've gotta switch out of that class."

"I fucking tried," I spit out as I slam my locker shut. "She wouldn't let me because it's some rule that I can't."

His eyes widen again, followed by yet another scoff. "That's not right," he tells me as we start walking towards the door to leave the building.

We're about there when I'm about to speak again, the door just yards away from me when I feel a body collide with the side of mine. "What the fuck are y-" I'm stopped when I look up to see the face of my assaulter, Gerard's face, frozen with some emotion that I can't grasp. But it's still painful to see. I haven't looked at his face in weeks, about a month or more, so this abrupt meeting right here and now catches me so off guard, that I feel like crying and tackling him in a hug. I hadn't admitted it to myself and never wanted to, but I miss him.

As soon as he's appeared in front of me, he's gone, walking in the opposite direction that I came from, quickly and not looking back. I feel frozen in time, and I have to be pulled back into reality when Mikey grabs my arm, pulling me out the door of the school. The sun pierces my eyes and I squint, but it helps me to clear my head and remember where the fuck I am.

"Are you okay?" Mikey asks me, looking truly concerned.

"Uhh yeah... of course I am. Why?" I feel something cold and wet on my face and wipe it with my sleeve, realizing that it's a tear going down my cheek and that's what has Mikey so worried. "Fuck, I didn't even know... shit," I mumble and wipe another tear away and sniffle. "I should go home now, I'll call you later Mikes," I mumble quickly and turn away from my friend, starting to feel myself choke up. He doesn't try and stop me, he knows that if he does I'll just get worse, and he knows how I get.

_*weeks later*_

As I lay on the cold bathroom tile of the school, looking at the little pool of blood beside my face, I can't really help but marvel over it. How can something so terrible such as blood from my face, look so beautiful when it's like this? I groan and flatten my hands on the floor below me to lift my body up, only making myself groan more when my arms give out and I fall back onto the hard tiles. I can feel my head pounding and my face throbbing, my stomach burning and aching, but I know that if someone walks in to see this it won't go very well. I turn over and use my elbows to sit up straight, then carefully use the wall as leverage to stand up and stumble to the sink.

I look in the mirror and see the face of defeat, pain, anguish, and so many other things that would take too much brain power to think of. I see blood from my nose, lip, hairline and eyebrow, and not to mention the blood in my mouth and the bruises that are sure to come on my body.  
I spit out the blood and saliva into the sink and turn the water onto cold, getting a paper towel and soaking it to wipe the blood from my face. I know that this shouldn't phase me, and it doesn't, having the shit beaten out of me by other guys from school is more common than I'd like to admit.

I'm about half done and still have blood on my nose and hairline when the door opens, I close my eyes to curse to myself because I remember that I've yet to clean the blood from the floor. The footsteps that I'm hearing come to a dead stop, and practically so does my heart, and I jump when I hear the bathroom door slam shut. As if I wasn't freaked enough, I hear the _click _of the lock on the door and I nearly have a heart attack, and force myself to open my eyes and look at the perpetrator in the room. I see Gerard's concerned expression as he approaches me, and I feel like running out of the room. When I remember that he's locked the door, I feel like dying.

I just keep wiping the blood from my nose when I see Gerard's hand reach in front of my face, taking the wet and bloodstained paper towel from me and throwing it in the trash. I look blankly at him in surprise, because after three weeks of no confrontations at all since the start of art class, this is the most interest in me that he's shown since day one. I say nothing as he dampens another paper towel and turns my body towards him, offering a very small smile and wiping blood from my upper lip below my nose. "What happened?" he asks, his voice sounding just as perfect as it's always been. I can almost feel myself melting from it, I haven't really heard it and actually _listened_ to it in so fucking long.

I swallow the lump in my throat and take a breath before trying to speak, but my voice cracks when I do. "Just some dicks from classes."

Gerard sighs and puts more pressure on my nose to get the dried blood off, but pulls his hand away briefly when I wince and cringe from the pain. "Sorry..." he mumbles and goes back to lightly running the wet paper towel over my skin. "They're still beating you up?" I just nod very lightly as to not irritate my nose again, that shit fucking hurt.

"That's awful... I'm sorry," he mumbles. He even opens his mouth to say something else, but closes it quickly and pretends that he never wanted to say anything more.

I scrutinize him and try not to stare into his eyes- they're still just as perfect when they're filled with sadness as they are when they're filled with happiness. "Why are you sorry? It doesn't have anything to do with you..."

"I know," he murmurs and tosses the bloody paper in garbage. "I just feel bad for you."

I mumble an 'oh' and nod, taking my hand to my nose to feel the bump on my bridge. "I think they broke my nose..."

Gerard comes back and takes my face in his hands, moving it side to side and up and down to analyze my nose. "Not broken, just really beaten. The swelling should go down in a few hours to a day. Put ice on it when you get home."

I nod my head again grab a paper towel, getting on my knees to wipe my blood from the floor. "Why are you helping me?" I ask without looking at him, never taking my eyes off of the little pool of blood.

"I still care..." he trails off, and it's obvious that he's contemplating whether or not to say the thing on his mind.

I don't bother to question that thing or ask him to go on, I know much better than that. So I just leave it be. "Well thank you..." I mumble and stand to throw the bloody mess away.

"You're welcome Frank." Every time he ever said my name when we were together gave me butterflies all through my stomach, and it still does now.

I fight the smile off of my face- and the urge to kiss him, and take one last look in the mirror before letting out a deep sigh. "I think I should go back to class," I tell him as I turn to look at him. He's pulling down on his hoodie sleeve to his mid palm, a habit that he's always had, and looking up at me through his eyelashes. I fight off another smile- it's his cute little habits like that that I love so much.

He nods and heads toward the door, unlocking it and opening it partially. I start walking to the door and stop to let him through first, but he only keeps it open and motions for me to go ahead, being a gentleman and adding a very small and adorable smile, like I've always known him to do. I successfully stifle a giggle and walk through, thanking him as I do so and turning back once he's walked beside me. "Well I guess I'll see you in art... and thanks again," I add sincerely.

His smile is pained, almost as though he doesn't want to see me in art. And I don't blame him either. "Yeah, you're welcome," he murmurs and turns away, walking swiftly through the sea of students.

I turn and walk my own way to the next class, his image and his very being stuck on my mind. I don't know what this means for us as friends or lovers, I'm still upset for what he did to me and still don't want to forgive him. But I miss him like crazy, I want him to be mine again, but at the same time I know I can't. Even though he helped me when I really did need the help just now, I don't know what's going through his perfect mind or what he thinks today has done for our relationship- friends or lovers. I don't know either.

But I think I'm falling for him all over again.


	15. Secrets in Understanding

Having a car is awesome when you have your license, and the vehicle is actually _registered_. I've had this plan for a while, and I plan on sticking to it. I didn't tell Mikey because I'm planning on surprising him, and hopefully he'll be up for it and want to be in on the action.

I pull up to Mikey's driveway in my new car that mom and dad chipped in to get for me, a blue Chrysler of some sort. I can't wait to see Mikey's expression when I tell him about our potential road trip through the state for the day, since it's only 10:00, he's probably still asleep and all. I get out of the car and walk up to the door, smiling to myself as I knock on it. The door opens to reveal Gerard, and my smile fades to a slight pout, because I had forgotten about him being there. Somehow I forgot about Gerard.

His expression is confused at first, but he catches view of my new car and smiles slightly. "You finally got a car?"

For some reason I turn to look at my new baby, grinning to myself because of how happy I am to finally have a set of wheels and an engine of my own. "Yep," I mumble and turn back to him to see him scrutinizing me. "Just got her a few days ago," I say proudly.

"Awesome..." he mutters and drops his gaze to his feet, than back to me. "Came to show her off to Mikey?"

"Sort of, I was planning on going on an all day road trip with him. Is he awake?" I ask and peer into the house behind him, seeing no sign of life in living room or what I could see of the kitchen.

"He isn't even home," Gerard says slowly, his eyes never leaving my face when I look back at him. I give him a questioning look, almost feeling like my hopes had been thrown to the ground. "He's at our grandma's... she's sick again."

My face drops, because I remember the time that I met Elaina, and I loved her. It's too bad that she's sick. "Oh, I see... why aren't you there too?"

"I was going to go over today but..." he shrugs. "I'm not really feeling it."

I can tell that there's something wrong with him, like there's something he's not telling me and that something might be really bothering him. I don't like the way his expression looks, and I want to make him smile somehow. Even if I'm still mad at him. "Well... if you're not going to your grandma's then... wanna take that drive with me? I really had my heart set on doing that today."

His eyes seem to light up, but only a little bit as he looks over my face, probably waiting for me to yell 'psych!' When it doesn't come, he smiles and nods, immediately starting to slip his boots on and grabbing his cigarettes from the table beside the door. "I have nothing else to do," he says and shrugs out the door, closing it behind him and walking to the car beside me. I'm hyper-aware of his arm brushing mine as we walk, but I make no attempt to stop the touch. "So have you named her yet?" he asks, pulling me out of my own little world, just thinking about his arm against mine.

"What?" I ask him, discombobulated.

"Have you named your car yet? When I got mine I named her Amelia," he chuckles and we both get into my car, and I start the engine.

"Ohh. I thought about just called her Blue Berry... too original?" I smile and back out of the driveway, being very cautious about the crazy drivers who live on this road.

"Nah," he grins and makes himself comfortable. "I like it actually, it's totally something that you'd pick. Go with it if you want."

I smile and turn the radio up a bit, then turn it up more when I hear Black Flag's "Revenge". Gerard sighs and turns it up more after I put my hand back on the wheel, looking at me as though I've done something wrong. I laugh until I remember the time when he did the same thing, also to Black Flag back when we weren't together. In that moment I can feel my heart ripping, because those times are so dear to me, and in those days, Gerard and I were much closer than this.

I realize that if were still together, then we would be holding hands and singing the song in unison, but instead it's just Gerard loudly singing with the song, like the last time we heard this band in the car. He nudges my arm and I smile and join in, but make sure to be quieter than him so that I can hear his voice. His perfect fucking voice. That he used to use to serenade me- even in public.

I shake the memories away and keep singing, also thinking- well, obviously. I can't help but wonder why he decided to take me up on my offer. As far as I knew, he was trying his best to ignore me. I can't remember the last look that we shared in art that wasn't awkward as fuck, usually ending in him averting his eyes before that action even crossed my mind.

If I keep thinking about these things, I'll come up with some reason for Gerard not to be with me right now, and turn around and fuck up his entire day. When he greeted me at the door earlier, I could see that he needed to smile, so inviting him to do something with his day, even if that something is with me, probably means the world to him.

The song ends and fades into "Nothing Else Matters" by Metallica, and I turn the volume down so I could here him and myself better. "So how have you been recently?" I feel like kicking myself in the balls for that question. It wasn't necessary at all.

His expression goes from happy to indifferent in 2.5 seconds, and I can feel myself becoming more upset with myself. Something is obviously wrong. He shrugs his shoulders and reaches into his pocket, pulling out a cigarette and lighter. "Fine I guess," he mumbles with the cigarette in his mouth, trying to light it.

"Well if you're smoking in my car then you better light me up," I chuckle, making him smile a bit.

"You're so needy you bitch," he laughs and lights another cigarette, handing it to me.

"Hey," I start in my defense. "I'm no bitch, I just like my cigarettes," I tell him and take a long drag. It's amazing how much smoking can relieve stress- but that's not always the case when it's Gee who I'm stressing over. "But did you see that teamwork right there?"

Gee laughs and nods, unrolling his window a bit for the smoke to clear out through it. "We still got it in us to work well together," he muses.

"Yeah..." I trail off, thinking of the days in the band and how well we did. I guess it wasn't meant to last.

The car grows silent for a little bit, when I see an advertisement on a building for Bull Moose. I smile and head in that direction, because I know that nothing would make him happier than a music store that he loves.

It doesn't escape his notice when I take a slightly sudden right turn into a plaza lot, but I didn't think that it would. "Where are we going?" he asks, seeming a bit concerned.

"You'll see," I smirk and find a parking spot, carefully lining the vehicle up to try and show off my parking skills. "That was pretty good huh?"

Gerard looks out of his window and laughs, shaking his head. "You're too close to this other car so I can't get out."

"Dammit..." I groan and put the car back into reverse, going through the motions to fix my parking job.

Once I've finally parked us well, we get out and head toward the store, and Gerard's eyes light up with understanding as he smiles at me. "You know me so well," he chuckles. I shrug and laugh, walking beside him and into the store.

The cashier greets us, giving Gerard a particularly friendly grin, followed by the middle finger and a laugh. Gerard just chuckles nonchalantly and shrugs him off, heading toward the metal section. "I take it you knew him?" I ask him as he starts looking through the titles.

"Just a friend- haven't seen him in a while."

I nod and mumble, "oh," as I look over my shoulder at the guy. I know that he's telling the truth because he's not Gerard's type at all. His hair is buzzed and he has a septum piercing, which I know isn't something that Gee is attracted to. I look back over to see him staring at something, but not a CD. More like looking off into space or zoning out on the case, not really taking in anything printed on it.

"You okay man?" I ask and touch his shoulder, causing him to jump and snap his head towards me in surprise. "Did I scare you?" I laugh out and drop my arm, putting it in my pocket.

He chuckles and nods, turning back towards the shelf of music. "Only a little," he mutters and starts fidgeting with his hair.

I scrutinize him carefully, picking up on almost every sign that leads me to believe that he's either nervous or feeling afraid of something- nothing really scary, but as though he's fearing some event or action to be done unto him. "Is something wrong Gee?"

He hesitated before shaking his head, but I can see through his lie. Though I don't want to persist to be annoying to him just yet, so I just nod and mutter, "okay."

We keep looking through the racks of music in the store, we even venture into the pop section and make fun of the things that we find there. It's easy to do, because the girls on the covers of the records are either really pretty and have shitty voices, or are really ridiculous looking but sound amazing. Or their just whores who only sing about partying. We dwell on this topic until we go to the rap section and see what we can see there, though Gerard spends most of that time defending some of the music simply because Mikey likes it. Which is something that I don't understand, but whatever floats his awkward-as-fuck boat will float mine too.

We're standing in the isle where it's only us two, looking through the rock music rack and looking everything over. Since we're more for metal music, rock isn't as familiar. I'm standing in the way of him getting a CD off of the rack, and decide not to move simply to be annoying in a funny way... and maybe make him fucking smile. He reaches in front of me for the record when his hoodie sleeve rides partly up his arm, and I'm taken completely aback by what I see.

Cuts on his right arm, pink ones and red ones and even one with a purple lining as though it was bruised or infected. Some are even just marks in the skin, where older cuts must have been, that are now healed and can only be seen and not felt. A fair few of them are just hardly scabbing, or the skin is starting to flake where the cut is. There's even one that looks fresh, like it had been done just earlier today because there's still dried blood on it and a bit around it as well, and it looks very, very painful. And the worst part is that what I'm seeing now, is only a glimpse of his arm. My first thoughts are pretty obvious, but my second thoughts were too farfetched. I don't want to believe that Gerard harms himself like that, the thought makes me feel sick to my stomach and I almost want to throw up right there. So my brain tells me a ridiculous and tragic story about a mugging that resulted in those cuts. I know it's not true, but I don't want to fucking believe it.

When his arm is back down by his side and his sleeve is fixed, my expression still hasn't changed. I'm out of words, and I want to break down and hug him and tell him it's okay. It's really no secret that Gerard is depressed, but I think my mind has been putting the thought away so that I don't have to think about it, so it never processed that his depression could have lead to this. I try my best to stay cool, my voice shaking a bit here and there when I try to speak- and the whole time I'd have a dry lump in my throat. Gerard didn't notice that I saw his arm, I don't think he even realized that reaching in front of me like he did could have ended in his arm being flashed to me.

We eventually emerge from the store empty handed- I hadn't planned on buying anything anyway because I only have enough money for gas. Call it a music scoping trip for the next time that I have money to blow. Gerard still isn't all smiles, at least not since we entered the store. We get to my car and I warily get inside, him getting in after me. I don't drive though, I leave my keys in my pockets and turn to him, my eyes filled with concern. I have to talk to him, to find out what's wrong and do my best to help him. He's still my friend, and despite the shit he put me through, I still love him and want what's best for him.

"Gerard, can I ask you something? And have you be completely honest with me?" I ask warily, slightly wishing I didn't have to confront him about this.

Gerard looks at me indifferently, as if he's trying to avoid showing emotion. "Sure..." he trails off.

"Are you..." I take in a deep breath before continuing, because I'm scared of what he'll say. "Are you okay? I mean really okay? You seem sad lately, really really sad and... I don't want you to be sad."

He looks out the window, staring off into space. I can see in his eyes that he's torn between telling me something or not. "I'm fine. Why do you ask?" He's trying to look normal, but I see through him.

My heart starts pounding from what I'm about to do, and I almost stop myself. I take his icey hand into mine, almost cringing from how cold his skin is, but also slightly sweaty as well. "Please be honest with me Gee... I know that something's wrong... please."

He looks at our hands for a moment, then back to my face, and all the way around again. He looks like he's thinking of something to say, collecting his thoughts and taking in the situation. I can't say much for his emotions, because I myself am unsure of how I'm feeling right now. His hand in mine, our close proximity- it's all making me nervous. He opens his mouth to speak, but hesitates. I'm hanging on his every move, waiting for him to speak, when he suddenly closes his mouth and takes his hand back, looking away and shaking his head.

I feel like I'm going to be ill, because he won't talk to me and he could seriously need someone. He's Gerard, and he has a depression issue. He could so easily fall to that again.

And it's obvious to me now that he has.

"Show me your arms," I say plainly.


	16. Breaking Down The Walls

Gerard's eyes grow wide from my question as he looks at me, fear and confusion in them. "W-what?"

"Show me your arms," I repeat bluntly.

He hesitates, his eyes darting back and fourth between me and the ignition of my car. "Why?"

I stare blankly at him, and I feel the urge to take his hand back into mine. But I don't. "You know damn well why," I say with some empathy creeping into my voice.

Gerard looks around the car, almost like he's searching for something to say that might be plastered on my dashboard or windows. After a few moments or what feels like hours, he slowly reaches for this left sleeve and pulls it up, all in a motion that feel like a normal speed for a turtle. My eyes widen more by each inch that his sleeve is raised, and my heart aches more and more as well. The cuts that I had seen before, they were merely a glimpse of what he's hiding. There's little skin to be seen under his sleeve, definitely some, but more of it is covered in cuts and dried blood, scabbed over along with what looks like a cigarette burn or two. It's not as horrendous as I'd imagined that it would be, but it's surprising and I feel like crying over it. His expression hasn't changed since he pulled his sleeve up, and as soon as he's shown me his secret, he's covered it again and started looking out the window.

I can feel my voice faltering and I try to swallow the lump in my throat and speak. "Gerard..." I can't think of much to say, but I know that I need to uncover the reasons behind his self harm. "W-why are you so depressed-?" I had almost said 'baby' at the end, but cut myself off from that mistake.

He stays quiet for a moment, collecting his words. "I... I just am," he says quietly.

"There... has to be a reason..." I lead off for him to give me a reason, but he stays quiet. "Gee... I want to help you. I hate seeing you this way," I say quietly also and take his hand again, his eyes shooting to our now clasped hands. "I need you to be happy because otherwise... I'm not happy. Please Gerard... let me help you."

"There's nothing you can do to help Frank," he says coldly, staring at our hands.

"Well... at least tell me what's wrong so I can try."

"You _can't _do anything." The words reach my ears like venom to my veins, and I cringe from his tone of voice.

"Please..." I'm pleading with him now, desperately trying to get him to open up. There's one question that I fear, a question that I don't even want to ask. But if I know anything about Gerard, it might be the most necessary question to ask of him. I almost whisper, "are you suicidal?"

His expression changes, softens a bit, as he glances down at his covered and scarred arm. "Yes," he whispers back. "I have been for a while."

I feel even more ill than before, like I've committed a horrible crime against the one that I love. I don't know when my heart decided to nearly stop beating, but it has and I almost can't breathe. "W-... why?"

"I have my reasons," he whispers, partly mumbling.

"Can you tell me? I understand if you don't want to but... I don't want you doing anything that you might regret."

"I wouldn't regret it if I did. I'd only regret it if I failed and had to face everyone about it." Those words stung like a knife to my stomach, twisting it and removing it to let me bleed out and die. It takes a moment for me to realize that he's just told me that he wants to, and would if he had the chance.

"You still haven't told me why, Gerard."

He hesitates, letting out a long sigh, looking away from our hands and out the window again. "Can we just not talk about this?"

"Fuck no," I say, my voice rising more than I'd intended it to. "You expect me to just let it go and then let you go home to your empty house? We're talking about it. I understand that it will be... uncomfortable or painful for us both, but this is serious and I'm worried." I wait for his response to my confident words, part of me expecting him to get out of the car and walk away, the other part not knowing what to expect.

He doesn't seem phased, but he understands what I'm saying, and opens his mouth to speak. I prepare myself for anything, clasping his hand tighter. "You know I'm a heavy drinker right?" he starts quietly. "I'm almost always fucking drunk or hungover. Because I'm unhappy and need to just forget everything. Forget about you. What we had and what we lost." Those words hurt, and I almost don't know what to say. So I say nothing and just let him speak. "I hate almost everything that makes up my life. I love Mikey, but he doesn't talk to me anymore because of something that his evil girlfriend made up to get her tongue down my fucking throat. _Which_, by the way, I tried to tell you over and over again, but you wouldn't even do so much as talk to me over the phone. So I gave up and became miserable without you."

With those few words I'm spent, and I feel like I might be physically ill. No one would cheat on their partner and keep the lie going after months of it going on, no one in their right mind at least- and especially not someone like Gerard. He's telling the truth, I can see the painful honesty in his eyes. The truth is out, real as it gets.

"Fuck Gerard, I didn't know, I swear!" I spit out, guilt flooding my conscience and every fiber of my being immediately.

"I know," he says sternly. "But you would have if you'd picked up the fucking phone, we could have discussed it and we'd still be together." His words still sound like venom, like he means for them to hurt me, and if that's the case then he's succeeding. As of this moment, I've never felt more guilty in my life. This entire problem is my fault, it was from the beginning, and if I had given him a chance we could have avoided this.

Tears start welling up in my eyes as that thought really hits me, and I feel like dying from how horrible I've been. "I'm so sorry," I say through the welling tears, trying to keep my voice at some level where he can understand me, and my hand holds onto his arm while the other braces against his chest. "Gerard please, don't be mad at me, I... I really thought you... she had me so fooled, I just-" I'm suddenly cut off by Gerard's words.

"You asked me to explain why I'm depressed, are you going to let me finish?" I feel myself visibly shrink in my seat when I take my arms back, he's never cut me off so harshly before. I don't think he's ever even spoken to me in this kind of tone. I nod and bite on my lip to keep my mouth shut, not caring how much it hurt. "I'm such a fucking drunk that I can't even control when I drink. I wish I could just stop, but I don't know how the fuck else to deal with my problems. I want to forget them but I can't do it on my own."

I decide to grow a pair and I hold my hand up, stopping him once he's finished his sentence. "Can I say something really quick?" He looks annoyed that I've stopped him, but he just nods and lets me speak. "I understand that there are things upsetting you that you should let out, just vent about. I want to be that person who you vent to, like I used to be when you were upset. So just... talk about it, tell me everything, I'll just listen and I promise I won't judge you," I tell him straight out, really hoping that he'll appreciate my attempt.

His face softens after I finish speaking, a small smile threatening to take over his face, but it doesn't. He nods once and turns away from me, sitting back in the seat and relaxing, staring out the windshield as he starts up again. "Everything is falling apart, you know? I can't get a job, I had one last month at a comic book shop, but I got fired for showing up with a hangover and fucking up really badly. I won't even go into it. And I won't lie to you, you deserve nothing but the truth from my miserable self." He stops and looks out the side window, hiding his face from me as tells me what I'd never expected to hear. "I've gotten into cocaine recently." I feel the shock even in my abdomen, making my muscles tighten in fear and surprise. I feel like saying something, anything, but I just stay quiet and let Gerard speak. "A little while ago I was getting really hammered at a party with a friend, there were tons of people I didn't know there and... and I remember buying an eight-ball of coke and going home and snorting all of it. I was too drunk and stoned to care if I died that night, I'd never felt more suicidal in my life." He stops for a moment and breathes in deeply a few times, turning to look back out the windshield. "My life is just one big fucking joke. I still live with my parents, who are totally oblivious to my drug and alcohol binges and I don't even think they care enough to notice. My only brother hates me. I can't hold down a job. I'm not successful in anything and all I do is fuck up. My own car is even starting to hate me keeps having problems." With every reason and explanation that he gives, his voice progressively gets louder until the point about his car, then his voice goes back to normal. "I may as well just kill myself now, honestly no one would care, I wouldn't have to feel this way anymore and that would be a huge burden lifted from my families shoulders. I'm not worth enough for them to worry about me." He looks over at me and his face turns sad, his thumb coming to my face to wipe away a tear that I didn't even know has fallen. "Please don't cry over me, I'm not worth crying over," he says simply, dropping his hand back into his lap.

"Are you done?" I ask, my voice cracking on the last word. He nods and I shift in my seat, leaning forward so he knows that what I'm about to say requires serious listening skills. I can't bring myself to come to grips with the emotion that has bubbled into my head, I don't even know what it is, and I ignore it and just start speaking, my voice quiet, yet serious. "I need you to listen closely to me, okay?" I don't even wait for him to nod or say anything in response, I just keep speaking. "Don't you _dare _say that you're not worth it. Are you fucking stupid? Wait- don't answer that. You don't seem to get how much you mean to Mikey. He doesn't hate you, he's pissed because of what Sam lead him to believe. It's _Sam's _fault that this even started. She's a fucking whore! Your parents would care if you died, believe me, Mikey would never be the same. And think about me. How would I feel if you did take your own life, knowing what really happened and how you didn't even deserve how I treated you? Even if I didn't know that it was all Sam's doing, I'd still be... I don't even know," I say and stop, thinking for a moment of how I might actually feel if Gerard was no longer on this earth anymore. The thought almost makes me want to die, so I forget about it and keep going. "I'd be beyond upset. I missed you Gerard, this entire time I was miserable without you but I couldn't bring myself to call you. I'm so fucking sorry Gerard, half of this shit is because I wouldn't listen. Fuck, we'd most likely just be cuddling in bed right now if I had just listened! You're worth it to me, you always have been and I hate to see you like this, this-" I take his left arm into my hand, holding it and putting my hand over the hoodie covered scars on his arm. "This shouldn't be happening." To my surprise, he doesn't rip his arm away, but he does hiss through his teeth and cringe, just looking at my hands clasped on his arm. "I don't want this to ever happen again, I'm going to be here for you until it stops, and even after. Okay?" His expression doesn't change, he just looks into my eyes, I think looking for something in particular, and nods. "I'm turning your life around. You'll stop drinking and doing drugs, stop harming yourself, and you'll be able to hold down a job easily once that's done. And I'm not suggesting it, I'm fucking telling you, because I don't want to see you throw your life away like this." A small smile creeps onto his lips, a genuine, caring smile that I've wanted to see for months. "I know I just spoke for probably ten fucking minutes, but I can't stress enough how much I care about you and how much I want to help you. I'm sorry alright? I'm sorry for everything you've gone through for these past few months, mostly for not being here for you. Can you forgive me for being such an ass?" My voice has grown more confident, mostly because I'm confident about helping Gerard get his life back on track.

The smile on Gerard's face grows wider, the light starting to come back into his eyes, and I feel like crying again. Not because I'm sad, but because I'm more than happy that I've made him smile again like he used to. "Yes... I forgive you," he says through his beautiful smile, taking his arm away so his ice cold hands are holding mine in them. "But... there's one thing that I want from you, and I promise I'll never ask for anything again. I just need this one thing from you."

I suddenly grow wary of what he'll say, his mysterious demeanor has me wondering what he's thinking. "What's that?" I ask him, my voice reflecting my wary thoughts. He licks his lips and looks at his lap, almost nervous looking when he swallows hard and looks back up at me. "Just say it Gerard..." I soothe for encouragement, running my thumbs over the sides of his hands.

He looks into my eyes, his own soft and loving when he speaks. "I want... no- I need you back Frankie. I need you in my life like before, your feelings are the reason I haven't even killed myself yet, I just nee-" I cut him off by pressing my lips to his, the feeling of his soft lips making me almost melt into him. He's shocked at first and doesn't kiss back, but as soon as he figures out what's really going on, he merges into the kiss with me, like we belong this way, connected by a single kiss to seal our relationship. As upsetting as this situation is, I've never felt happier, just kissing him has raised my spirits by more than I ever thought it could, but this moment is so perfect that I don't have to fight off a smile like usual.

We stay there for a moment, our lips locked together and Gerard's hands holding mine tighter than before, but he pulls away all too soon to get air. His eyes open and I can see the light returning to his eyes, the same light that had been there when we used to kiss like that. "Don't you dare ever leave me again," he chuckles out breathlessly, taking one of his hands to stroke my cheek lovingly with his forehead pressed to mine.

"I promise I won't," I whisper back, with the same level of love, and kiss him again. His lips taste like cigarettes and liquor, but I couldn't care less right now about how bad he tastes, I just need to be kissing him. "Never, I'll be your slave forever if that's what you want."

He giggles lightly and nods, pushing my hair back so my face is clearer to him. "I'd love that, don't think I won't take you up on it," he whispers. "I'm sorry, my breath is probably horrible," he mumbles and starts to pull his face away, but I reach my free hand out to hold the nape of his neck, making his lips crash back to mine. I push my tongue into his mouth to explore, running it along his teeth until I find his tongue, and practically make our tongues dance to show him that I don't care what he tastes like. I need his lips on mine, I need our bodies to be connected somehow, I need him. If this is what he's going to taste like, I may as well get used to it, because I'll never stop kissing him.

I release his neck to let him pull away for air, and when he does, he has a shocked expression on his face. "You... you don't care do you?" he asks slowly, and I just shake my head. "I love you Frank," he murmurs and presses his forehead to mine again, cupping my face and he lightly kisses my lips.

My stomach is assaulted with butterflies and my heart picks up speed at his words, and I've honestly never felt this happy in my life. "I love you too Gerard," I whisper to him with just as much love as he had, my hands resting on his waist. The moment couldn't be more perfect, and I feel corny as fuck when I repeat that thought out loud to him.

He chuckles lightly and nods, kissing my lips again and rubbing his thumbs over my cheek. "I know... and I hate to cut it short, but that guy is fucking creeping me out," he mumbles, his eyes looking past my face behind me, and I turn to see a man sitting in the passenger seat of another car in the parking lot, his face red, looking like he's breathing heavily.

My mouth gapes and I start laughing, leaning my head down to hide my expression from the creep. "Oh god... yeah, we better go," I laugh out and kiss his lips one last time before pulling away to start the car. "It's creepy when some guy is masturbating while watching you _just kiss _your boyfriend, fucking weird dude," I muse mostly to myself as I pull out of the parking lot, not even daring to take a second look at the horny creeper.

It suddenly hits me that I had said 'boyfriend', and my heart kicks into overdrive again. I take a hand away from the steering wheel to lock my fingers with Gerard's, holding his hand tightly so he can't pull away, even if he wanted to.


	17. The End and The Beginning

I'm awoken by the assaulting rays of sunlight through my window, groaning unhappily at the pain in my brain from it. I don't bother opening my eyes again after squinting them closed, I just flip over and bury my face in my pillow. There's laughter heard from somewhere in my room, and if I hadn't recognized it as the most beautiful laugh in the world, I would have freaked out.

I turn back over and squint against the sunlight, looking around my room until I see the silhouette of my love, standing by my table. "Good morning sunshine," Gerard says happily as my eyes start adjusting more, and I'm finally able to pick out his features. At first I thought he was naked, but I remembered then that Gerard's legs aren't black, so he can't be. He's got on his tightest pair of jeans, skin tight to his legs and shaping his perfect ass. My eyes nearly bug out of my head, and I really notice for the first time in a week, since we'd gotten together again, how skinny he's gotten. They say that's what coke will do to a person's body.

"Hi... good morning," I smile and sit up completely, the sheets falling off of my body to reveal my shirtless torso. "Did my mom let you in?" I ask groggily, rubbing my eyes and opening them oddly to see again.

"Fucking a, yes," he chuckles and looks back down at a paper in his hands as he speaks. "She fucking attacked me- in a good way, I mean... she opened the door and saw me smile at her, she almost lunged forward and hugged me," he chuckles, shaking his head. "You probably knew already that she's known about _us _for a long time, she said 'are you here to take Frank back? Because he's been really lonely' and blah blah fucking blah, it was really funny. I told her that we're already together again and she smiled like the proudest mom ever. I think I made her day," he grins, feeling obviously proud of himself too for making my mother happy.

"Yeah... she really loves you," I grin, admiring how great those jeans make Gerard's ass look. He doesn't notice, just keeps looking at the paper in his grasp, and it occurs to me that he's reading something of my own work. "What are you looking at?" I ask as I crawl out of bed, trudging up to him and wrapping my arms tightly around his waist. I missed this.

"This song that you wrote. You did write it didn't you?" he asks as he brings an arm around my shoulders.

I read what it says at the top, seeing 'Secret Goldfish', and chuckle. "Yeah... I had to get some feelings out," I mumble as I bury the side of my face in his chest, taking in his cologne and sighing happily.

"It's great, the lyrics are amazing," he grins, putting the paper down to hug me to his body. "I'm guessing it's about me," he chuckles, and obviously he knows it's true.

"Mhm," I mumble, the sound being muffled in his shirt as I smell him some more. The way he sprays his cologne on this shirts more than his skin, I fucking love that. "I decided to let my feelings out by other means than drugs and harming myself," I murmur, looking up and seeing understanding in his expression as he nods. "Speaking of drugs, I need to fatten you up," I chuckle as I bring a hand around to pat his unhealthily flat stomach, almost cringing when my finger touches his rib by accident.

Gerard sighs and nods his head, looking down at his stomach. I take him over to the bed to sit down with me, pushing him against the headboard and cuddling between his legs and against his chest. He grins and holds me tightly to him, like he's afraid that I'll disappear if he lets go. "I've been eating more, I actually gained a few pounds since last week around this time, but not too much," he mumbles and rubs my forearm as I lightly draw unknown shapes on his black clothed stomach.

"That's a great start," I say with a grin as I take his left arm into my hand, without hesitation. At first he doesn't want me to, but then he eases up and lets me take it, slowly lifting up the sleeve to see his marks and if he's improving. It may seem insensitive of me to look, to see the marks on my love's body, but he knows that I only check because I care, and I truly want to help him stop. I trust him, he knows that as well, but visual proof of his improvement makes me feel much better. "I'm proud of you Gee," I tell him softly and kiss over his cuts, very lightly, my lips almost not even touching them.

"God I fucking love you, you know that?" he breathes out, sounding like I literally took his breath away. "No one else would even want to look at those, but you... you amaze me," he mumbles and I swear, I can hear his heart beating rapidly inside his chest.

I smile and look up at him, wrapping my arms back around his side. He hisses in pain and I jump, pulling away quickly and nearly hopping away from him. "Wh-what's wrong?" I say quickly, almost shouting because of how much I _hate _hearing him in physical pain.

He sighs and reaches for the hem of his shirt, shifting his position so his side is facing me now as he lifts it up to his chest. My eyes are greeted with more cuts up his side, exactly like the ones on his arm, but longer and deeper looking. "I didn't want you to ever have to see them, I was hoping they would heal before you got to see them," he says quietly, watching my eyes carefully as I look at his side. It's obvious that he hasn't cut his sides in a while, longer ago than his arms. I think these cuts are _purple_.

I sigh and pull his shirt back down for him, staying in my position sitting up as I look hopefully at him. "Please don't ever do that again," I mumble sadly, having him nod and lean over to kiss my lips softly.

"I promise," Gerard murmurs after pulling away from me, though I wish he hadn't.

I grin and scoot a little closer, but not cuddling against him like before. Gerard's hand braces against my chest, looking down at my body and then back up, licking his lips. I laugh and shake my head. "No Gerard, I'm not up for sex right now." Did I really just say that? Not up for sex with _Gerard? _I think I'm dying.

He chuckles and pulls away from me, standing and pulling me up with him. "Get dressed," he tells me. "I'm taking you out today."

I groan and try to sit back down, my groaning turning into growling in my throat when Gerard won't let me sit. "Noooooo Geraaarrrd," I whine as I try to let myself fall onto the bed by using all of my weight.

"Come on!" he says all too happily, yanking me over to my closet. I fucking hate having a small frame, I can't do shit with myself. "I'm taking you out and you're going to like it," he exclaims as he grabs a random shirt and throws it at me. I roll my eyes and shrug the shirt on, sighing softly when the warmth of the fabric soaks into my skin. Gerard doesn't fail to notice and grins as he walks to my dresser and pulls out a random pair of jeans.

"Mmm, I love it when you get my clothes for me, you're like my sexy slave," I exclaim and take the jeans from him to pull them on. He rolls his eyes with a smile and chuckles as he watches me pull my jeans over my thighs, taking over so he can button and zip them.

"And you're like my sexy boyfriend... wait that's because you are," he grins and kisses my lips softly, making me sigh contently against his lips.

"Shit... can we just stay here and have sex and cuddle all day? Because now I'm in the mood," I ask him with a huge grin on my face as my hands travel around his body and into his back packets, and I make sure to squeeze his ass. _Damn these jeans are tight on him. _

He laughs and shakes his head, bringing his hand to hold my wrists and remove my hands from his pockets. "No, but maybe I can blow you in the car," he says as he takes my hand into his, leading me out of my room and towards the stairs.

I'm about to protest when we've gotten to the bottom of the stairs, where I hear my mother's happy laughter. We turn to see her sitting on the couch with her cup of coffee in her hand, smiling wide at the both of us. "So things really are back together again?" she asks hopefully.

We both grin at her, Gerard nodding as his hand is still clasped with mine. "Well I don't think guys walk around holding hands, Linda," he chuckles and holds our hands up for emphasis.

She giggles and nods, looking at us both in adoration. It's probably the coolest fucking thing to have your mother be so supportive of her gay son, even congratulate him when he's got a boyfriend. "I'm so glad, you two are good for each other," she tells us as she stands with her cup, heading towards the kitchen.

Gerard giggles and pulls me quickly towards and out the door, before I can even comprehend it. "Woah, slow down Flash," I mumble and giggle when I see him close the door behind us. As soon as I've finished my sentence, his lips are on mine, kissing me roughly with his hands gripping my waist tightly and pulling me hard against his body. I hate to admit it, but I can feel my pants getting tighter when his tongue penetrates my mouth, forcing a moan to spill out of me. My hands slip under his shirt to graze his stomach and he pulls away from me, all too fast as he chuckles and shakes his head at me. "Wha.. you're the one who kissed me first..."

"I know," he mutters and takes my hand again, leading me towards his car. "I just don't give a fuck." I growl lowly in my throat but let Gerard lead me, and a grin grows across my face when he opens the passenger door for me. "After you, my love," he says dreamily before kissing the top of my hand.

I blush hard and giggle, taking my hand away and getting into the car. Fuck, Gerard can be such a fucking gentleman, it's unreal. He closes my door and gets into the driver's seat, smiling over at me. "Okay, now I want you to close your eyes."

"Why...?" I ask hesitantly, scrutinizing him carefully and warily.

He grins mischievously and leans over to kiss my cheek quickly. "Just do it, I want this to be a surprise," he tells me, referring to where we're going, I assume.

I sigh and close my eyes, leaning my head back against the seat as I hear him sigh happily. That makes me smile, because just knowing that I'm able to make him happy is the most amazing feeling. Not to mention that I could give him anything he wanted, and he knows that. I suddenly feel like the gap in my heart has been filled again.

I jump a little bit when the car starts backing out of the drive way, because I hadn't been expecting the movement to be so quick. He goes into drive and begins cruising down the road, silently at first. The air is filled with the sound of humming, something that I recognize but can't quite pinpoint the name. I give up trying when I feel Gerard's hand on my thigh, making me jump again, and having him chuckle. "Any clue where I might be taking you?" he asks proudly.

"Nope, why don't you give me a hint?" I ask, and I don't even notice that my legs had parted for his hand until it's too late.

I think he noticed too, because just before he speaks, I hear a small breathy laugh. "Nah, you'll have to wait and see."

I sigh and nod, resting my head further back into the seat. Gerard keeps humming, and I suddenly know the song, like I had just listened to it yesterday. It's our song, the song that Gerard had written for me, the song that I slaved to come up with chords for when it was presented to me. I can literally feel heat coursing through my body, causing my heart to pick up speed as the memory comes back of the day I first heard him sing the song fully to me. A small smile creeps over my face, and I try my best not to mention it, because hearing him hum this song is the most amazing sound, and it's almost lulling me to sleep.

I'm about to ask Gerard to sing it instead when the car, and his humming, both come to a stop. "Caaan I open my eyes now?" I ask, getting a laugh from Gerard.

"Don't you dare, hang on," he tells me as I hear his door open, rustling, and then the door closing, leaving me in a small state of panic as I realize I'm alone in the car, with my eyes closed. My door is suddenly open, and I instinctively turn in that direction and move my arms, almost defensively, and I feel a cold hand touch mine. "Calm down, it's only me," Gerard's soothing voice tells me, calming me instantly and coaxing me out of the car. My foot catches on a rock as soon as I stand up, making me fall forward into Gerard's body as he catches me and holds me tight, with my hands braced against his chest. He laughs and closes the door, leaning his lips down to kiss the top of my head. "Always clumsy," he chuckles and pushes me back onto my feet. It's fucking true too, I'm clumsy as fuck, and it's much worse when my eyes are closed.

"Can I pleeaase open my eyes now?" I plead, curling my fingers around the fabric of his shirt and gripping tightly, because him leaving me would not only make me sad, but spell disaster since I know I'll fall again.

"Fine," he sighs a bit sadly, and I open my eyes immediately. I open them up to see his perfect face, watching me, and behind him is a large, gray tombstone. I look around to see more of the same thing, and it dawns on me that he's taken me to a cemetery. My eye catches view of a mausoleum, and my insides feel warm again as I realize where _exactly _he's taken me. I look back at him and grin, moving my hands to hold his as I turn towards the mausoleum. The very same one where Gerard confessed his concern for me all those months ago, and where many of my dreams and nightmares from the most recent months had been staged.

I can hear the smile in his voice when he says, "anxious aren't we?"

I shrug my shoulders casually and link my fingers with his, smiling to myself as he walks beside me. "Not really, I just love where you've taken me, baby," I say sweetly and lean my head up to kiss his cheek as we walk, admittedly hopping to reach him.

Gerard giggles and squeezes my hand, forcing me closer to his side. "Good, I knew you would." Within minutes we're at the mausoleum, and I take my hand from Gerard's, mostly unwillingly, so I can climb the latter to get to the top. I probably resemble something close to a spider as I climb, but who honestly gives a fuck? I get on the roof of the place and stand up, looking around over the view. I hadn't even noticed that Gerard had joined me until he scared the shit out of me. He pushes me forward and grabs my shoulders, pulling me back against him and almost giving me fucking whiplash all in that terrifying two seconds. I almost scream and I hear him laughing, sounding proud of himself for scaring me. "Geraaarrd," I wine and pull out of his hold, turning to see him. "That's not nice, I thought you were going to kill me," I mumble with a pout, making Gerard's expression soften as he reaches out to pull me against his chest.

"I'm sorry babe, but you set yourself up for it. I couldn't let you die anyway, you know I love you too much," he murmurs into my ear and kisses the skin just below it, bringing a huge smile to my face.

"I know... and I love you too," I almost whisper as my arms curl around his waist gently, trying not to irritate any of his cuts. "Plus if you killed me, I would haunt the fuck out of you... and watch you shower," I grin, having Gerard laugh. "I'm serious though, I would watch you shower, change, masturbate... oh _god_, watching you masturbate," I muse and lick my lips, making Gerard laugh more.

"I know you would love it... I've done it a lot to thoughts of you lately, since you haven't given me sex yet," he muses and stares mocking daggers into my eyes, making me giggle and nod. "Oh, and speaking of giving," he mumbles and reaches into his jeans pocket, _yeah, the sexy tight jeans, _and pulls his hand out, enclosed into a fist. "I have something for you."

A grin spreads across my face and I hold my hands up in cup for him to drop the item, but instead he takes my hand and turns it over, sliding a cold piece of metal onto my finger. I look down at my hand and take note of the engravings on it, little musical notes. The same ring Gerard had given me months ago, which I harshly threw at him before storming away. "You kept it all this time?" I ask, a bit bewildered.

"I wore it so I wouldn't lose it," he informs me with a smile. "So that if _this _day ever came, I could give it back to you. It was yours all along anyway, you deserve to have it."

I blush a little bit and lean up to kiss Gerard's soft lips, sighing happily against them when I feel him return the kiss sweetly. "Mmm, I really love you," I murmur once I've pulled away, looking into his smoldering eyes.

"I love you more," he tells me, and once I've opened my mouth to protest, he silences me with his lips. Dammit, he knows that it always works on me.

"Let's just... not argue about it and agree to disagree," I suggest as a pat his chest lightly while my other hand rests on his hip.

He smiles and nods, looking over my face carefully. "I can agree with that," he mumbles, leaning down to kiss me again, with passion.

I guess that's why I love him, he always finds a way to be passionate about something. Like the band, which we'll probably get back into later on in life, just not now. For now, I think we'll just focus on each other and be together, as a couple. And I know that since he's so driven to make me happy, and since we've also gotten through the biggest obstacle that I can think of, we'll be together for years. That's the most that I could hope for, anyway.


End file.
